Tuesday, 20 December 2011

teeth in my pocket......

Been at the new job a month now, and wow has that flown by...We had the Christmas do on Saturday, which considering was basically made up with couples, was actually quite a fun evening.  I had hoped to be able to totally let my hair down and have a drink and get a taxi home but as usual being a parent took priority and plus dealing with the boys with a hangover is not a pleasant prospective thought anyway.  So I did the evening sober while others around me got drunk and on the most part acted up and made prats of themselves.  Monday when I came in to work I defiantly felt much more part of the company and a bit more settled, I mean I had seen most of the managers and my bosses more than a little giggly and had also been sat on the table with my friend who just happens to be the person that organises everything for the company and made to feel very welcome.  Bless a few of the guys had tried to get me up on the dance floor to dance with them and their wives but that was a lonely heart step to far for me and I refused, though I did get up a few times when the ladies where dancing on their own.

On another note entirely its nearly here you know the "big day" which means I have been writing this blog for nearly 2 years and haven't things changed in that time. While I maybe a stronger person who is learning to live without, I am also discovering that I don't think I want to live with out so hope I won't have to forever :0)

The kids are as excited as ever about the day, if I can make it there without collapsing with exhaustion I think that will be an achievement on my part.  Its not that my kids are hard work which they are but no more than anyone else's, I think its just that I am their first and sometimes only port of call for all their thoughts, feelings, stress and excitement and its sooo draining. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't swap it for anything, I am just tired lol....

If I am honest with 5 days to go I'm still not exactly sure what I have bought and whether they will want any of it but heyho if this one goes pear shaped I will just put it down to first Christmas nerves (yes I know its not our first Christmas but it is without the looming shadow of Paul and all that entailed). As far as Father Christmas is concerned Ninja looked me in the eye the other day and said "Mummy, I'm pretty sure its you that buys all the presents, but I'll just pretend it's Santa because that's more fun" to which I said a little to shrilled "of course its Santa" I hate lying to them but Mooki told me when she caught me with the presents one year she was devastated and it has scarred her for life, so continue the charade I must and anyway the 3 year old won't be trying to sneak around and catch me out unlike his older brother which I have a feeling will probably be popping proplus all night waiting to catch me out just so he can say "see I told you so".

Oh if you are wondering still at the title of this blog post and you have made it this far, firstly well done and secondly they title comes from the fact I worn a cardigan to work today that I haven't seen for a while as its been hidden in the pit of the Mook and what should I find in the pocket but Mooki's teeth guard for bleaching her teeth........nice.

Friday, 2 December 2011

How to put your foot in it in 40 ways...........

Well maybe not 40 ways but getting close on..

I am well known in my family for having a mouth that sometimes and mostly unexpectedly will run completely away from me.  At just turned 16 I managed to land a receptionist job in a firm of solicitors in Holburn (near the Old Bailey Court) so quite respected, and was invited to attend their Christmas do (which was being held in July for some reason). I had only been there a few weeks and I was still extremely nervous to be around the "big" bosses.  As the meal went on I just sat there listening to the conversation that was going on around me right up until the point when one of the male Partners flippantly commented that "all Jewish woman are tyrants" and little old me who had not said boo to a goose piped up "that's because all Jewish men are wimps" now we were both Jewish so it wasn't a racial thing but I soon got sacked anyway.

The point to all this is that about 2 weeks ago I started my new part-time job which I am quite enjoying though it is does feel funny being on the bottom rung of the ladder again after so many years with mum.  Anyway there are just 5 of us "ladies" working in the accounts dept. the rest of the company consists of around 42 men who aren't always there but make up the majority of the work force at any given time in the office.  Out of these 42 men there are 5 managers and I think I have already managed to leave 2 of them feeling a little bit wary of me.

All the guys that come in to the office and chat freely with the accounts ladies especially as one of them is the MD's wife so is next to G-d's ear.  The other day when the M1 was filled with Marmite we were all happily discussing the love/hate thing and who'd be down there licking the tarmac and one of the managers went in to a long conversation about yeast and how it was produced and how he used to work in a brewery and it was a very interesting conversation right up until I killed it dead but shouting across the room "The only thing I know about yeast is it gives you nasty thrush".  Needless to say he left rather quickly after that and didn't return until after I left in fact I don't think I have seen him back in the office.

Another day a different manager came in to the office to get some photocopying done, and he was flapping with in seconds.  One of the accts team rushed over to calm this poor man down and gently guide him through the process of lifting the lid, placing the paper and pressing the button.  After this dreadful task was completed he turn to us all and in a particularly whining voice said  "Photocopiers are too complicated, like women" I couldn't help myself and plus I thought I might earn a couple of brownie points with my colleagues, I retorted "No they are simple, like a man" Again the room was stunned in to silence, opps perhaps you allow sexist comments in this company, because you are all "just" women.   Anyway the manager left rather red face and though he did have the guts to come back in to the office that day, refused to look in my direction at all.

I am very glad these people I seem to be offending are in no way able to effect my job prospects and I am also glad I seem to getting on with my fellow accts ladies, the Christmas party that is in a couple of weeks should be a laugh but I think I will just try to keep my mouth closed most of the time................

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Bad Breath, Failure on the Job Front and OMG 6 weeks till Christmas...

Ninja told me yesterday that two "little" people by that I mean his classmates, have told him he has bad breath....In honesty I panicked a little when he said this and about 1000 things raced through my mind.  These mainly ranged from oh g-d, how am I going to sort this one out to, is this why he is telling me he has no friends, to should I pack him a toothbrush in his school bag, to how the heck am I going to make this not a big deal or should I.  To my credit if he sensed any of this panic it was only a little as I was very good, smiled my brightest smile said "Oh did they" desperately trying to give myself time to think what was the best way forward in this possible minefield of self-consciousness and too his credit he actually didn't seem too bothered by the bad breath comments and has shouldered it as his contemporaries just pointing something out to him in the same way they might point out he had some mud on his jumper or jam on his face.

When we got home, we discussed it a bit further and between us we came to the conclusion that there wasn't too much we could do about it as he is a good toothbrusher, that recently he has had a cold and that means he has been breathing through his mouth alot more therefore causing more bacteria to sit in his throat and also he has started school dinners and they may be putting different spices and herbs in the dinner that may also be contributing to the problem.  For the moment we have decided not to worry about it too much and that if it continues to be a problem we will look at maybe taking further steps to counteract the problem. I was so pragmatic about the whole thing I thought for a minute I had turned in to a man...yeah me for some solid head not heart parenting...! (seriously did not want to say or do anything that would possibly give him a complex)

Well you know how very excited about the whole new job thing I was and that it was such a massive big deal that was going to change all our lives forever, as embarrassing as it is to admit it, I have to say, I only managed 2 days.  Yes, yes I know how it sounds and I also know I didn't give it much of a chance, but hear me out before you go all judgemental on me. 

Dropping the kids off at 7.30am was a massive shock to all our systems to get in to work for 8.30am, we just don't do early starts as a family at all plus the fact they were bascially still asleep as I left them at nursery and I hadn't really had a chance for a cuddle or even a good morning I was so frantic not to be late.

 The first day I was placed at a desk in a massive open planned office with over 100 other people in it (bare in mind I have be working from home alone for the last 4 years and that was a lot of other people to content with) where basically I spent the first half an hour blankly staring in to space (a theme that continued over the next 2 days) wondering if, this was a zombie movie who would be the first to turn and start eating people and playing spot the pyscho (trying to guess which incredibly down trodden lonely desk worker is going to be the one to walk in one day with the sawn off shot gun at start mowing down everyone who's ever so much as looked at him funny. My guess was it would be one of the tech guys, they just looked so mightly cross all the time).

When I was finally "allowed" to handle the laptop on my desk, cue peed off tech guy storming over to me huffing a lot and mumbling something under his breath (probably some computer talk curse) all he did was hand me a piece of paper with some passwords on them, tell me to change them and then I was to start reading through the computer procedures manual. I am an (almost) accountant....I do not want to know how to remote login to reboot the interface and download the thingymebob so I can back-up fifteen hours of crap and virus check my handbag, shoes and nasal spray (don't ask). I nearly fell asleep around 15 times reading all that rubbish.

At about 11.30am my "buddy" came round to see me, great!, she then proceed to take me to each and everyone of the people I would be sharing this massive office space with, introduce me and somehow expect me to stay focus and interested (g-d knows how the royals do it) I just ended up wanting to shout at her, "I don't care what department we are in I am bored and i just want to do some work".

This took me to lunch time, where I was taken aside by one of the "old hags from Macbeth" I mean the nice older ladies who work on Timesheet data entry or something, and told "be warned, tell no one your business, the office is full of people that will stab you in the back".

Day 2 was even worse as I didn't even have my "buddy" to come and talk to me, instead I was just given more procedure manuals to read.  When I asked my "supposed" colleague was there anything she could show me, teach me or please at least talk to me.  She just stared at me blankly, sighed a little and begrudingly handed me over some work which she explained with lighting speed so I had almost no chance of understanding.  I p**d her off though as I managed to work my way through it anyway, she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

Crucially though when I left the building at 4.45pm there was a message on my mobile from Mooki's school telling me she wasn't well.  I cried a little, I had asked during the day what the company rules where on mobile phone usage and they had bascially told me they weren't allowed across the board.  So my little girl (well ok I know not so little) had had to stay at school feeling very unwell then drag herself home on the bus because I couldn't recieve the call from her school and there is no one else for the school to be able to phone, I have no family up here there is just me. Can't do it, I can't work for a company that doesn't allow me to recieve calls. I have young children, I am the only point of contact, I have to be able to be phoned, what if that had been one of the younger ones or if Mooki had been more seriously ill. So I jacked it in the next morning without a second thought.

Anyway no point crying over it, at least I know now that I can't do full time as its just not practical (I didn't see Humf for the whole 2 days as he was always asleep or about to be) and I will just have to keep looking for the elusive perfect part time role.

By the way 6 weeks till Christmas have you even thought about it yet ????!

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Finally off the Prozac and UN Peace negotiations

Been off the Prozac for over a month.  I just woke up one morning and thought "I don't need it anymore".  The only side effect I can think off (if you could actually call it a side effect) is that things seem to matter more.  If people cut me up I get annoyed, if something upsets me it makes me cry and I don't want the kids to run riot anymore.  I have stopped just doing everything for them. If they make a mess I get them to tidy it up, I am stricter on bedtime and I am not letting missy get away with continuously living in a dung heap. 

I know the last few months have been hard and that we have all has to adjust to new roles with in the house.  It has taken time for the kids to see me as a serious parent and not just the soft one, Mooki has had to come to the realisation she is important and valued for her burgeoning adult opinions and ideas, Ninja has had to learn independence and the idea of being responsible for himself and Humf is just basically thriving even in this lop sided one parent family.

All this being said half term has been a mine field with the slightest wrong footing and the whole thing blowing up in my face.  The reason for this I think are many fold and the answers to fixing it having been many fold too.  I am convinced that the fact I am starting a new job on Monday that to be honest I am worried sick about, that I have been trying to talk myself out of, but I also know that I have no choice but to start has had a big impact on my attitude to things.

I am very consciences that this is the most time I am going to get to spend with the kids for while so therefore want things to be perfect, which its not being. Loose ends suddenly need tying with my previous role that can't be left. College has got very hard this year and I need to spend time getting that straight in my head and for some bizarre reason I decided to have a Halloween party this year.

This is where the UN peace negotiations start........Ninja had a birthday last week and so has lots of new games and toys to play with.  Humf thinks he is basically able to do whatever Ninja is doing and can't understand why his big brother is so reluctant to play the games with him.  Logger heads have been met and intricate and detailed schedule of times of play, TV and general larking about have had to be designed. 

In between these two immovable forces of desires and wants I have stood this week basically getting shouted at, whined at, grumbled at and given dirt looks at.  One child is always left feeling put out by these discussions and all I want to do is get on with the stuff I need to do so we can spend the rest of the week having a nice time together.  I think I am fighting a losing battle to be honest and that I should stop beating myself up in bed at night worrying about it ( well Humf beats me up enough kicking me all over during the night )

In a blink of an eye it will be Christmas and I will be starting all this all over again !..

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Since you've been gone..........

Light bulbs have been changed, toilets unblocked and bins taken out.
The TV is mine and I iron in front of it.
When doors slam no one jumps any more.
The only shouts are ones of excitement.
The only time there is crying, is for scraped knees, banged heads or sad stories.
Smiles are made in mirrors.
Songs are sung at any time.
Family and friends visit when ever they choose.
Homework is done on time.
Things are broken, but then they are fixed.
We eat together.
Sleep together.
Laugh together.
Boundaries are crossed but way backs are negotiated with love not lectures.
There are no pants to pick up.
I'm no longer referred to as "babe, wench or c**t" but "mummy" the only name that matters.
Grades are up.
Self confidence is up.
We now know we are all worthy fabulous individuals
Make up is worn.
Clothes and boys are discussed freely.
Dinners are adventures with lots of different things being tried all the time.
The kids eat tons of fish, bagels, matzo, pasta, asparagus, french beans.
Spelling, reading and maths are done for fun.
Playstation games are played and don't give nightmares.
Confidence is overflowing.
Normality is standard.
We can all breathe.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The trouble with childminders.......

   Ok its been a while since I have posted and I have my excuses which I won't bore you with except maybe the one that I've just been too darn lazy to think.  This morning though I have woken having had a pretty much undisturbed night of sleep and suddenly the urge to reach out has hit me hard.

So lets start at the beginning, I have been offered a job "whoa, yeah, haz-zarh" yes its great, yes confidence has been restored somewhat and yes I am pleased but (and it's a big one) I am not that overly happy with it all.  I know big sighs of "what is wrong with you woman" maybe issuing from your mouths now and if I was reading this it would be from mine.  The thing is though, firstly it isn't the most exciting job in the world from what they have told me, the pay is average to say the least and the career prospects are almost Zelige.

Do I really want to be working in a dead-end job for effectively the same money as I am on now (when you take into account the travelling) 40 hours a week to practically not see the kids all week and then possibly have to share weekends with you-know-who.

On top of this I have ended up having massive child care issues.  This started at the beginning of term when the first week in before I had even been offered the job my what I thought was sorted childcare arrangements for going back to college came crashing down my ears. The lovely lady that has been looking after Ninja for me after school on the college day for the last 2 years roughly and who was now going to take Humf as well before and after school nursery, informed me that she wouldn't be able to have them as she had been offered a full time child and that she couldn't turn down the money.  Fair enough as desperately inconvenient that was for me, I couldn't blame her.  Lots of apologies ensued and a promise to help me find someone else.

She gave me the name of another childminder and off I trotted with the kids to meet her.  All seemed fine at first, she was able to cover the Thursday for college and she even suggested that she would have Humf for the 2 days he wasn't attending school nursery. I get offered the job that night and suddenly I need her to do full time for both the boys.  Again this didn't seem to be a problem, until she'd slept on it.  I suppose you could say it was my own fault for over-sharing, or for assuming that all people have an open heart and mind but I had told her what has been going on in my life and that obviously it may have effected the children in someways ( just to prove this point Ninja had drawn a picture of people shooting each other and dying, at her house).  I suppose having discussed what I had told her with probably everyone, most people had told her to stay clear of me and my kids.  Strangely of all the things that have happened so far, her reaction has hurt the most. 

My kids are wonderful and I am a good mum, what has happened to me isn't my fault, but the fact that this woman didn't want to get involved with me makes me feel like it is.  I didn't ask for what I am going through and I am trying my hardest to make things right and normal for my kids.  To be judged as "not the right sort of person" because my husband got arrested, my kids have been through hell and we might be left with a few scars from it makes me very angry and has also made me doubt myself.  In her apologies over the phone to me at letting me down she kept repeating that she "had to think of the other children" and that "it might not be fair to the other parents" seriously what the hell did she think my children are capable of !!

Suffice it to say between her "discussing" me and my kids with another childminder and also the shortage of places I have been left with the only option of sending Humf full-time to private nursery and Ninja to the breakfast and after school club.  Its the most expensive option, its the least loving option but its the only option I have.

So with all this sitting in the back of my mind you can maybe understand a bit more why I am not so keen to start this job. If on the other hand I am offered one of the jobs I went to interview for on Friday all this stress might be worth it, but I'll tell you more about that another time.


Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Butlins, the survival guide......

Butlins...what a wonderful and scary place.  If I was to write a guide book on how to cope with a 4 night stay there here is what I would write:

1. Arrive 1-2 hours earlier than your check in time so you can drive around the camp several times to get completely disorientated and when you are finally given your room still have absolutely no idea where you are staying.

2. Find and grab anything that vaguely looks like its a luggage trolley and then use it to push whining whinge hungry kids from the car in to (thank god at least) ground floor apartment, that you have had to park a mile away from as all the car spaces for your apartment have already been nabbed by the occupants of the holiday apartments two blocks away from you.

3.  Read the holiday guide and then throw it in the bin as it contains nothing of any relevance and has just been left in the room to make you feel stupid because none of it makes sense to anyone who hasn't actually visited before.
4. Put the oven on.  This provides a two fold service in the fact it takes around 9 hours to heat up and so it might be ready for use the next evening and it also provides some exciting entertainment for the kids while they watch you squabble with your mother on whether the thing is actually turned on or not.

5. Remember if you want to put the kettle on that you have to unplug the toaster, the microwave and the tv first.

6. If you are not queuing in the pavilion by 4.30pm for that evenings entertainment, then don't even bother trying.  Yes the shows may not really start going until 7.30pm but its like the towel and the sunbed situation around an Ibiza pool, its all about the stamina and determination to get the "best" seat.

7. Try to avoid eating at any cost, while you may think you can save money by going self catering the Spar shop in the pavilion is around 4 times the price of a normal Spar with a loaf of bread topping the list of OMG how much they charging for this?

8.  Remember candy floss sticks to everything including bottoms, pushchairs, hair and other people.

9. Make sure you pack a good strong pair of hiking boots, all your fancy 4 inch heels will be good for is wedging the front door open when you are unloading all the shopping you have had to spend the last hour and half getting from the supermarket out of the complex because your bank balance won't stand another trip to the Spar.

10. And breathe, the kids are having a fabulous time, they will remember this holiday forever and its all working out ok so just enjoy !!!!

Saturday, 20 August 2011

A personal post

I'm never sure whether its a good idea to pour your heart out in a blog post. Its not something I do on a regular basis but my head feels so full of inky black gunkness that I kind of just want to get it out.

So job hunting while going through a very messy break up is probably not the best thing for ones ego.  While I admit it hasn't been a total disaster and I have in fact turned 2 jobs away for being unsuitable its still rocks your self-confidence quite a bit. It drives me mad that I am applying for jobs that I know I am more than capable of handling and my CV gets written off without a by nor leave often with the comment "your skill set doesn't meet with our clients requirements" ggrrhh they want some to post invoices and check balances, I can do that with my eyes shut, how can my skills not match !! and then if I go for a job in a more "senior" role I just feel like I am trying my luck and everyone is going to laugh at me.

For instance a job came up in the town where we live and I must have applied for it 4-5 times through different websites.  Each time I wrote a covering letter and by the 5th attempt I was practically begging them to see me.  No response !!! In the end I decided to go pay the company in question a visit and hand my CV personally over to the man in charge of finance.  Great, got there, met him, he looked over my CV said he had remembered it but had just assumed that the money he was offering wasn't going to be enough compared to my "London" wages and that I was way over qualified anyway.  Even though I had all the skills he needed, lived a mile from the place of work and had practically begged to be seen, he had still decide there was no point even meeting me.  Faced with that kind of resistance how the heck am I ever going to get a job. Gggrrh

I don't know yet but can you tell I am finding the whole job hunting thing a tinsy-winsy bit frustrating.

The kids being off school "bless them" isn't exactly helping either.  They are so bored, its at times like these I understand why American kids go off to summer camp. I don't remember summer holidays being this hard when Mooki was little. Somehow we just managed to get through them without to much hassle  With the boys on the other hand its a completely different thing.  Not only are they physically more active than their "don't touch me, I'm sleeping" sister they also want me to join in with every possible game they can think of.  I end up feeling like one of those "grumpy old women" off the telly who goes around with a permanent scowl on her face and a don't come near me or I'll poke you with my walking stick attitude (Oooo there is something to look forward to getting old for).

Then of course there is the sincere and distinct lack of funds to content with.  I know everyone is in the same boat and we are all having to make the best of it, I just don't like it..!! Took the elder two to see Spy Kids 4D  on Friday a nice little daytime trip to the cinema without the littlest one driving us all bonkers running around the cinema. £50 that cost for the 3 of us, £50 !! When I was younger going to the cinema was something you could do with some pocket money, now I have to think about the long term strategy of film to interest ratio an whether its really worth seeing it on the big screen as it will be out on DVD by Christmas anyway. Was a bit underwhelmed by the whole 4D experience as well, the smell bits of the scratch card all smelt the same RIP OFF lol

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

The wonder of activity camp !

Sending him to a sports camp for two weeks over the summer has got to have been one of my better parenting moves.  I managed to time it for the time Mooki moo is away in Portugal so I am keeping myself occupied with thoughts of drop off and pick up times. I had the sneaky feeling that if I didn't commit to something I would be spending the whole two weeks of her vacation in my pjs feeling sorry for myself, Anyway.......

Basically the camp is made up of 4-12 year olds who go there on a daily basis to be kept busy with lots of different activities (mainly sporting ones).  When Mooki moo was Ninja's age I also sent her a couple of weeks a year during the summer holidays to the same sort of thing and I am pleased to say this one has been as well organised as the ones we went to down in London.  They are staffed with young adults both boys and girls who seem very keen to get to know who they are looking after and make sure they have a good time. There is lots of variety of sports and they seem to be catering well to age and abilities.  Ninja has discovered he loves dodge ball as he has excellent reaction times therefore making it difficult to get him out.  He is also enjoying hockey, tennis, football arts & crafts and massive games of hide and seek. Even when we had rain a couple of days last week, the camp still managed to keep them busy enough that Ninja was totally pooped when I picked him up.

I think Humf is ok with going to nursery while Ninja is at camp as it fits in pretty well with what would be a normal school day for us.  I am dreading next week when Ninja gets to stay home as trying to persuade Humf that he still has to go to nursery will probably be a nightmare.  On top of this there is the potential I might be starting work as well and that really will ruin all their holidays.

For now though all I have to worry about is which of the kids films we are going to see because there are so many at the cinema that look fab and how am I going to stretch the £200 I have left in my bank account till the end of the month.


Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Seriously where do I begin..........

This post is part of the Blog Hop competition sponsored by Dirt Devil”

If I hear the words "its because he is so intelligent" one more time, I think I might scream.  Alright I am not the strictest of parents and now as a single mum I find it even harder to be tough on my kids but come on....

My darling 3 year old is a whirlwind wonder of mess. Over the last six months we have had the hand printing incident:
This was done while I was having a little nap on the sofa and Nanny and big bro where watching him for me.  She thought it looked quiet artistic and thought I should leave it.

Then we had the ground cumin incident

I think there was also black pepper and some garlic in there too.  It took two days for the smell to go.

Then we also had the flour evening

You can see where his knees where. Don't ask me how he got the flour it was on the highest shelf

Pasta or rice mummy?
 Fun at Easter

I can do my own nappy cream mummy just watch me

I'm not waiting until I am 18 to get a tattoo

If I am really quiet no one will find me

Guess what they are each getting for Christmas this year
What you've never heard of ear painting, mum you are so out of touch

But my all time favourite piccie has to be this one, how many lollies does a kid need at one time !

bless him his face was really sore in this one, he'd had a nasty bout of eczema but he still looks as cheeky as ever.

Tell me, could you tell a face like that off?

You know what though I wouldn't have him any other way, I am grateful everyday my children are happy and health and enjoy their lives.   As for the mess well it might start getting under control by the time they are in their 20's until then "where's the vacuum cleaner?"

Sunday, 31 July 2011

The Interview.....

So last Friday I finally got to go for the interview I had been waiting for 2 weeks for.  Job hunting like on line dating and rightmove feel just like an extension of shopping to me.  Maybe I am a bit weird but I like doing it.  It has the same thrill of the chase as ploughing through the bargain bucket in tescos searching for hidden gems and the same high of excitement when you spot something with good potential and you snatch it up before anyone else can.  Alright its not exactly like that because ultimately you can't go for the 50k a year job with a CV that says stay at home mum for the last 4 years but you know what I mean.

I had left my search criteria quite open in the fact I wasn't too specific on role, distance or wage package and this allowed me to trawl through about 150 jobs on the Reed Accountancy website.  I beefed up my CV with my newly acquired qualifications and set about registering myself once again.  Alot of the jobs advertised on these sites seemed to be posted through recruitment agencies and while I know that there is slim chance that the jobs they are advertising actually exists I still set about writing polite covering letters and sending off my CV.

To my surprise I got 2 responses back, which in this day and age is a bit of a miracle, one was from an agency wanting to get me on their books. Fine who knows something might come of it. The other was from an agency phoning me to tell me their client wanted to see me..! Really ! Crap I have nothing to wear.  "The company are holding 4 interviews next Wednesday you need to be there at 4" Really ! Crap again. I can't make next Wednesday as the car is being serviced and MOT'd and I have no transportation.  "Oh" says the lady from the agency, "i'll have to let me client know you can't make it and I will call you back" well I was pretty convinced they were just going to say, never mind will see so and so instead as they will probably be able to make it. But miracle no 2 happened and she called me back to say they would see me on the Friday instead and could I make it for 10am.  I nearly kissed the receiver, of course Jessica no problems, yes send me the details by email, I'll be there with bells on.

So I spent the next week and a bit determined to find something in my wardrobe that was suitable and would mean me not having to spend any money and getting lectured on interview techniques by the 13 year old (they'd just done this as a topic in PSHE and she was full of tips and bright ideas, firm handshake, smile alot and remember to make a good impression within the first 30 seconds otherwise you just may as well give up).

The big day arrived and to say I was nervous was an understatement, I was sweating just standing in my bra and pants trying to do my hair and every time I put any make up on my face it just melted right back off again.  I chain smoked two cigarettes on the way to their office and then berated myself for going in there stinking of fags (so off putting don't you think).  Gave my firm but not to firm handshake and smiled my brightest smile possible.  The first thing the guy said to me was "don't worry we're not going to eat you" to which I replied "it would be a bloody hard job if you tried" hhmmm not a particularly good start I feel.  I then spent the next half an hour trying to explain why I wanted to leave this fantastically convenient and well paid job of mine to end up working full time with out so much more money.  When directly asked "are you only applying for jobs so that you can get out of the house for a bit?" I infactically answered yes but realised quite quickly that this was probably the wrong answer and made short sharp work of taking my foot out of my mouth and returning my brain to my empty bimbo head. They seemed nice enough people and also a worthy company to work for but his parting words to me as I was heading out the front door where "we had many many high calibre applicants the fact you have been able to get an interview was a good achievement" Brush off words if ever I heard them, oh well applied for another 15 today so keep your fingers crossed for me ..:0)

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Too much, too little where do I find the balance....

Everyone goes on and on about parenting a teenager and how difficult it is. How their child becomes alien to them and how they can't communicate with their child and to be honest I always thought this was a bit of an exaggeration.  Well damn and blast haven't I come to the conclusion that no, really, it is that bad.  I so don't want to become one of those do as I say or else kind of parents but it feels as if she is trying to back me in to a corner to make it happen and then, just like that, she does something wonderful or makes a gesture of love which leaves me there stood still with the knowledge and feeling of well being that something is getting through.

I tell you there is nothing more scary than "officials" deciding if you are a good parent. With the split in Jan and the nature of it, the courts have taken an interest in the welfare of my children.  Its horrible and scary and while the rational side of my brain sees the logic and appreciates what is happening, the mummy in me is screaming.  If you knew me well, you'd know my children are my life and that I would never ever do anything detrimental to them.  But sifting through the massive amount of parent advise I am finding it difficult to ascertain what is best for them.  On the one hand I am being told that ideally children benefit from two parents and that contact with the father should be encouraged and he should be involved but on the other hand I have the courts telling me to hold fire they want to do assessments first.  Then there is the pressure he is placing on the children, telling them its my fault he can't see them and that I could make it all better.  Why would he do this?  He was there when the Judge made his order but for some twisted reason of his own he wants to try and drive a wedge between the kids and I. Telling the 6 year old "don't worry boy they can't keep us apart forever, just keep telling mummy you want to go to the park with me".  I then have to spend half an hour explaining that none of this situation is our fault and if there is anyone to blame its daddy for not being able to control himself.  What am I suppose to do? There is no way I am going to do anything that might jeopardise the powers that be's faith in me as a parent and I have been told on no uncertain terms that the contact stays as it is for the time being.  In the meantime Mr I have rights and I want to see my kids, has raised concerns over my parenting skills but is still not providing any regular maintenance for the children and doesn't seemed bothered by the fact that he isn't helping to keep a roof over their heads.  Does he seriously think that someone who has a pending criminal trial on his head would be given custody of his children? does he want the kids to go in to care? The kids themselves in the meantime are growing up happy, healthy and confident in this single parent family.  Everyone who spends time with has remarked on how well they are getting on and how much more settled they seem.  They are looking forward to their well deserved time off over the summer and I plan to do lots of things with them, just hope we start getting some decent weather.

Anyway sorry for ranting, still trying to get things off my chest.  Its going to be a long process and unfortunately this is one of my ways of venting. I will try for a happier post soon, I promise..! xx

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

A little bit fat

So Ninja went on a school trip yesterday to Twin Lakes fun park.  He wasn't in a particularly talky mood when he got back at 5pm and by the time dinner was over and cleared away he'd already taken himself off to bed and was fast asleep.  Not wanting to be a nag I didn't push him for details of his day at the fun park this morning, I'm sure he had a lovely time at anyway and I knew eventually he started to tell me about it.  He did but it wasn't what I was expecting bless him.  "Mummy, ***** sang a song on the way home about you being fat", he then proceed to give me a rendition. Right, exactly which way should I go with this one then ??? So firstly I took the, "well that's not a very nice thing to say" approach but that always comes across a bit of a cop out when I hear people saying it to their children so I decided to tackle it another way.  I asked him if it upset him, to which he said it did, it had made him cry a bit and he'd also told another friends mum. The friends mum had had words with them both but Ninja still felt a little bit sore about it all.  So then I said I wasn't upset about it and it is a bit true anyway so what does it matter. Then I asked Ninja if it made me a nice person what I looked like and he said "no, and anyway I like you soft and squidgy to cuddle, I wouldn't like it if you were all hard and bony" and with that we decided that actually it didn't matter what someone said about me or himself its what we thought of ourselves that matters and that as long as we treat each other right we will always be a happy family. I also said that next time someone says something like that about me that he should just tell them, that is why my mummy is the best mummy in the world lol

Thursday, 7 July 2011

I'm so old, the politest reject letter ever and sheep...

Way to go at embarrassing myself this morning in our lovely local co-op.  Over filled the basket as usual which was fine but takes a bit of unpacking on to the conveyor belt.  So there I am singing away to the song that's just come on the co-op radio, I get asked if I want a carrier bag and I continue to sing away on auto pilot unpacking and then packing up again. Eventually there is nothing more left to pack, this lifts me out of my trance and I suddenly become aware of my surroundings and when I look up. I see the "nice" young man by the till smiling politely looking at me with a slightly bewildered look on his face.  "Its an old song" I mumble "it must have been re-released, that's why I know all the words". His smile brightens and he promptly asks me for the £36.35. Bless him in his effort to rescue the somewhat uncomfortable position we are in while the pin machine does it thing he says "Can't believe how high the guy sings in this". Oh god that's just given me the opening I needed, I then proceed to spend the next 5 minutes lecturing him on how the old one was a massive hit and that it was so much better and that the lead singer sang much higher and louder than this pretender. I even told him to "youtube" the old version if he didn't believe me ! How stupid must I have seemed, me pushing 40 telling a 17 year old how to look up an old song.  Anyway he smiled that polite smile at me again and I beat a hasty retreat pretty confident that the "god some old woman" story was going to feature on his social network at some point today. Hohum here is the song in question hope you enjoy


I want to work for Balfour Beaty, admittedly they don't want me to work for them at this given moment, but they are still a company that I would want to work for.  Never have I received such a nice rejection email/letter as the one they sent me this morning. I knew as soon as I had finished applying for the job that i wasn't going to get it, 40,000+ a year experience required, it was always going to be a bloody long shot. Anyway here is a bit of the email, I think you will agree it is very nicely worded.

      Many thanks for your application for the post of Divisional Finance Manager (Northampton). After careful consideration I am sorry to advise you that we will not be progressing with your application. (they just need to see the front cover of my CV to decide that really lol)

We would like to retain your details for approximately 12 months, in case any suitable positions arise during that time. If you would prefer us not to, please contact our Human Resources department. (i really hope something does come up and they do consider me)

If you have not done so already, we recommend that you take advantage of our email job alert service so that you can receive the latest vacancies as they arise. You can register at our website once you have carried out a search. (yes I will be signing up asap)

Many thanks once again for taking the time to apply and for your interest.
Humf made me go look at the sheep this morning......I know this is a market town but really do we have to have the livestock market slap bang next to the schools....All you can hear 3 times a week is the poor sorry bleating of the little Timmys.  It makes me want to go veggie and I think if humf really understood what they actually were IE his Sheppard's pie, I think he'd be appalled too. The farmers enjoyed playing up for the little boy who sat gawping at them as they herded the sheep in to their little pens and I suppose each sheep for them represents, bills paid and a roof over their heads so they don't get attached.  I just find the whole thing difficult you know and its even worse when its the cows turn.  Well I think I am going to leave it a good while until I explain why they come to town each week its hard enough as it is now to get him to eat any meat, let alone if I try to explain that most of Timmy and his friends ends up on the dinning room table.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Where words will never comfort and time will never heal......

Nothing brings the mind in to focus more than hearing of a death of a child.   I pretty much suspect that everyone that heard yesterday of the little 12 year old boy who died so suddenly and unexpectedly at his home in our little town has been deeply shocked by the news.

Everyone knows everyone around here many many of the children would be friends with this little boy and have known him all his life. When your children turn to you and ask "why?" what are you suppose to say.  This little boy hadn't been in an accident or sick for a long time, he just been taken from his family in a blink of an eye.  I am struggling to make sense of this. 

Since we started living here 2 other children and been taken, both of those in tragic accidents and for these parents I suppose their is something to focus their anger on to.  But to try understand the grand scheme of things when a child is taken for no apparent reason is very hard to do.

Never is my faith more shaken then at times like this.  To have some one say this is God's will offends me to my deepest core.  If we are made in his image then he would know that this is not our will and therefore how can it be his own.  Some say he is a harsh and vengeful God and to them I say well why do I need to follow him then.  Others say, God wanted him to be by his side and to them I say, but why?, why does God need a young boy like that?

No one can make sense of this tragic loss for me, and no one can comfort the grieving family that's been left behind.  Just remember the next time they are driving you up the wall and you feel like tearing your hair out that it can all be taken from you in the blink of an eye and then all you would be doing is begging for it all to be back again.

For now my thoughts are with this poor family and tonight I will hold my children a little closer to me at bedtime.

Monday, 4 July 2011

Would you google a potential new boyfriend?

I've been mulling over in my mind how much easier the whole dating thing would be if we just databased every man on the planet and when you started going out with him you could just update the database putting in his status and what his pro and cons are and then if the relationship finished, you could just fill the bits that asked you his faults, and a short questionnaire on his rateablitly in cleanliness, consideration, caring behaviour and that sort of thing.  That way any potential new girlfriends can look him up and decided whether he is a good match for her. I'm convinced it would save alot of wasted time and effort and reduce the risk of heartbreak. Not sure if the blokes would be up for it though, getting stamped with a clean bill of health and a use by date might pee them off a bit.

Lately I have found myself craving very random things from laying out in a field with the sun on my face to a new very expensive handbag. My head seems to be this swirling mishmash of different thoughts and ideas. One minute I want to get back to nature let the children roam free and indulge their emotions and expressions the next I am demanding they eat at the table and are in bed by 7pm or else.  I am frightened with everything that is going on with the courts, frightened that I am not being a good enough mum and and I think this is part of the problem.  It seems peoples idea of parenting are so varied that for one person what is seen as healthy and enriching to another seems undisciplined and unruly. For instance take bouncing on the trampoline in their birthday suit.  For me, giving them some time in their lives where they are unrestricted by societies ideas and opinions and allowing them to feel the wind on their skin and the sun on their backs without the big "keep covered or else" is important, others may see that as me being irresponsible for so many different reasons and I can only give one reason for doing it, which is the great big happy smiles on their faces.  Then there is the telly on all the time. Yes the telly is on alot, its the first thing that gets done as they walk in from school but they don't just sit there staring at it.  Both the little ones are chatterboxes and always have loads to tell me when they get home, so they can't sit there staring at the box because I'm in the kitchen and the telly is not.  Many a time do I walk in to an empty lounge with the telly set at cartoon network with not a soul insight to watch it and believe me if you read my facebook status updates you'd know they aren't just sitting around watching telly.  So some of you may ask why do I let them keep it on and truthfully I'm not really sure why I do, but I know if they start playing up badly and I threaten to turn it off they soon start behaving themselves again.

Anyway the old man's saying of someones junk and someone elses treasure I think fits extremely aptly when it comes to parenting. So I suppose I have to put more faith in my abilities and hope that the kids happiness shines through as a beaken to dispel any reservations any governing body might have over the kids welfare.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

What, you want me to teach them that?

Had the last of my 7 exams yesterday and my tutor very sweetly marked it for us so we got our results last night. I passed with a "pretty much perfect" score and yes the pretty much part is annoying as I want to know what I got wrong. Anyway I am really happy that I have achieved another year in my course and as this year is equivalent to 4 a-levels I feel like I am doing OK, but I wouldn't have been able to get through these last 2 years with out the dedication and support of my tutors. This got me thinking, what drives these people to do what they do? Where do they find the patience,caring and understanding to put themselves through quite frankly a mostly thankless task.
You see there are things as parents no one else can really teach your kids, and I find these really really difficult to be strict on even though I know it is crucial.

1. Brushing their teeth, I have struggled with each one of the kids to get this, I don't know if I just show them wrong or they can sense my frustration but tooth brushing is always a battle. I try to keep calm, I get my toothbrush at the same time, I ask them to copy my movements, they then start brushing their teeth with the wrong side, or shoving the toothbrush down the back of their throat and the best one of all the just complete bewilderment when I ask them to do the ones at the back.  Frustration quickly surfaces for both of us and then the ensuing argument of let me do it, no I want to do it when all I want to do is get them out of the house and in to school. The whole thing is a torturous event that has to happen on a daily basis, twice a day for goodness sake I'm surprised I haven't scarred the kids for life with this.

2. Cutting up dinner, really ! I can't be anymore cack-handed in my trying to show them how to do this. I can blame being a lefty all I like but I still don't think it excuses me the various throwing of cutlery across the room in frustration and the stabbing of rather large pieces of meat and saying "just eat it like that". How on earth my parents managed to teach me this art form is beyond me, I am sure if I was to do regression therapy a dinner time teaching session would come up as a traumatic event in my life.  The kids kind of leave me too it when I start and in fact Mooki moo is very kindly taking over this teaching job for me so that Ninja doesn't have to be put through the anguish of seeing his mother lose all sense of hand eye coordination.

3. Tying shoeless laces, it doesn't happen, it just doesn't happen. For one thing I still can't tie a shoeless properly so whatever I teach the kids would be wrong so there really is no point.  I think Mooki moo has picked up the skill to do it somewhere along the way and I may have to hand this task over to her as well to teach the boys but then its not that easy finding a situation anymore that needs a bow tied. I haven't bought a shoe with laces for the kids ever I don't think and so have carefully avoid this whole minefield for many years.

Oh goodness me, I've just realised, I have boys and they do sports, that will mean football boots, trainers, and other various lacy bits of equipment..anyone know of any good shoelace tutors please.......?

Thursday, 2 June 2011

There is potential for randomness......

Morning/afternoon/evening for whatever time you are reading this. For me I am writing on a Thursday morning on half term week, which means that I am almost done with another school holiday and have managed to survive with only one wall covered in pen and no trips to A&E (so far). Ok single life over the last 5 months hasn't been half as scary as I thought it was going to be.  Every day is an adventure and for every obstacle overcome I gain a little more self respect and faith in myself. Having said that, as I hurtle towards the first of the kids birthdays as a single mum, I have found myself questioning lots of decisions.  Humf is turning 3 a week today and its been a rollercoaster for this little man so far in his three little years.  He's been through and faced possibly the worst time in his mothers life and just had to cope right from the day he was born. With this in mind I may have gone slightly overboard in trying to make his birthday special and I'll just have to try to find party bag fillers for 30 preschoolers and cater for these extremely demanding party food connoisseurs.  I am employing specialized disagreement mediators in case there are any arguments and bouncers in case we get gatecrashers or possible escapees. At least I'm not doing it all at home.  

Had a falling out with a facebook "friend" this week.  I don't know about you, but I try to be non judgemental when reading other people statuses even if i don't agree with the post.  I had received a speeding fine through the mail and had a little moan about the fact that Northants Police were very quick to charge me on doing 36 in a 30 zone but are taking nearly 6 months to deal with another far more serious matter.  Anyway this "friend" decided to start berating me for "speeding" and even when it was explained that I am a good driver and that it is well known that the police are only ever there as a money making exercises because no one has been run over in the town let alone just that one road, she still felt it necessary to lambaste me. In the end I politely asked her to delete me as she clearly wasn't prepared to listen and take on aboard anything that I or other people were saying and therefore I didn't want her to be part of my life.  She kindly obliged.  What I don't understand is why she felt is necessary to not only upset me with her comments and accusations but also the other people who were posting comments as well.  Its not as if she has to deal with these people personally on a day to day basis or even with them at all, what did she possibly have to gain by intentionally putting peoples backs up?

I think I know why they teaches us geometry in school. Its so when we have kids of our own and they come to us for help we can stare at them with wild panic in our eyes and have to admit to them that we just don't know everything.  They can then feel superior and so start the teenage process as it means to go on, them going round with a mildly over inflated ego and you tearing your hair out. This came to a head the other day when mooki moo brought her maths homework to me with a whine of "help me".  She handed me a piece of paper with various shapes, formulas and questions on volume, I had not a clue and as I went to open my mouth got told, there's no point as I obviously don't understand it and how is this possible when you are an accountant.  I then tried to explain that there is very little geometry in accounting but she'd already walked out in a huff by then. Somewhere the Gods of maths are sitting around chuckling at me I'm sure of it.  

Anyway I am sure you have had enough of my ramblings and its a lovely day so I suppose I should get us all ready and take us somewhere educational and fun. Speak to you soon you lovely lovely people xxx

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

I have no time to stand and stare

This is the life full of care
I have no time to stand and stare

No time to look through window panes
At beautiful shoes never worn again

No time for haircuts and beauty treats
Cups of coffee with friends to meet

No time to sit and read that book
Of far off peoples and roads they took

But still I'm happy with all my life
Through all the heartache, trouble and strife

My children are the ones that breathe
New life in all I can bequeath

With them I take the time to see
The sweetness and joy of their life with me

Thank you my darlings my precious ones
For making me the happiest mum.

Thursday, 19 May 2011

He's not ill he's old, and is sugar free actually better?

Ok today has been quite a harrowing day which started a few weeks, even a few months ago.  My dog, the one who has seen my through two ex's now and has been a patient companion to 3 babies pulling and tugging at his tail, 3 toddlers using him as pull along toy and 3 kids moaning at him for sniffing their food is  approaching his 16th year.  And I suppose with some understanding he has slowed down an awful lot.  No more does he bound up to you upon opening the front door and shower you with hugs (yes literally, he used to hug people) and kisses, in fact most of the time he doesn't actually notice you coming in.  But with all this my 90+ year old pal still makes it up the stairs, still has the patience of an angel when it comes to the kids and still wants to steal that juicy bit of steak that you conveniently left on your plate. I appreciate that he won't last for ever but increasingly have been getting pressure from various people who love and care for me that maybe it might be Jake's time.  So I relented under the pressure and summoned the courage to take him to the vets.  2pm my appointment was for, so for most of the day I spent the time crying, making a fuss of him and even went as far as to text the first ex (I bought the dog originally for him) to tell him what was going on and miracles upon miracles even he was sympathetic and offered his condolence. When we split there was some debate as to who was going to have custody of the dog and for practical reasons it was decided that he would be better off staying with me.  As it got closer to the allotted time my sadness deepened, for while I was convinced that actually he wasn't that bad everyone else was convinced otherwise.  I had to drag him to the car, he yelped as I put him in and all the time I kept thinking about how this might be his last few minutes on the earth and look what I was putting him through.  When we got to the vets he was actually quite excited (he really doesn't get out much these days) and so I let him have a good wander and sniff around the place and then with a hung head went into the surgery.  We were told to take a seat and wait while the vet finished with the previous appointment. A very sad looking woman came out with an empty cat basket and the lady behind the reception desk while handing her a bill for over £300 pounds said that she was very sorry for her loss.  This was not going well and I tried to cover Jake's ears. We were called in and I was asked if I had made my mind up to which I said most definitely not and that I wanted him checked over first.  I think the vet was a bit relieved.  The nurse walked in with a horrible looking needle full up with stuff and was hastily told to leave as that wouldn't be necessarily be needed.  By this point Jake had realised that this wasn't a pleasure trip and quite frankly didn't want the vet anywhere near him.  How do they know that's a vet, he isn't scared of anybody apart from vets and I don't know about you but to me they look just like everyone else.  Anyway the vet gave him a good examination asked me if he was still eating? does he cough? is he still getting about? all of which I answered truthfully with a yes, no and a yes and his verdict came back with a..he's doing remarkably well for a dog of his advanced years and fundamentally there seemed nothing wrong with him.  I was amazed and over joyed.  As far as the vet was concerned the dog was in noway suffering and there was absolutely no good reason why he would have to be put down. In fact he went as far as to say would you put a 90+ year old man to sleep just because his joints were alittle bit stiff in the morning and he wasn't quite as steady on his feet anymore. No painkillers, no steroid jabs in fact nothing at all to increase his profits by adding to my expense (ex no 2 always maintained vets where only there to make money).  So it cost me £24.95 to put my mind at ease that the dog was not ill just old and now I can truthfully say to all those who think I maybe keeping him going for my own selfish reasons, that in fact no, he is a very fit 90+ year old well as fit as he as can be expected. Tonight he has bounded in from the garden, stolen Humfs burger off his plate and annoyed the cat and I have never been happier :0)

Just as a little side note to this post, but its been bugging the hell out of me for ages. You know all this sugar free stuff that is full of fake sugar does anyone know if that stuff is actually worse for kids than natural sugar?

Saturday, 14 May 2011

"Please don't get my toddler drunk"

What is it with the older generation and alcohol? They suffer the effects of years of smoking and drinking on their bodies, they've been told time and time again that they need to lead a healthy lifestyle just like the rest of us and still they think its a good idea to give babies "a drop of brandy" if they are crying or a toddler a sip of lager because they are curious and its funny to see the look on the little ones face.

My mum decided to have a glass of wine with her dinner the other day at my house.  I saw the potential for an argument brewing.  Humf went to keep her company while she ate and to naturally help out with any eating she might need a hand with.  While in the kitchen I hear my mother quietly say "go on smell it" and then a giggle.  Humf was at her wine.."mum don't let him drink your wine please" "I'm not he's just smelling it" another giggle..."MUM don't let him drink your wine" "I'm not he's just trying it" Oh for goodness sake !  The row ensued quickly after that.

Really the argument from them of "well, we did it and we turned out alright" really falls flat by the fact the NHS is straining under the pressure of dealing with the 50+ whose lifestyles up until now haven't exactly been ideal.  That and the fact that most of them have a alot to say about young people and alcohol and how society is being ruined.  At same time advising their 30+ kids to give the baby a drop of whiskey at bedtime to "help" him sleep.

Don't get me wrong, I love my older generation and gain alot of valuable advise from them, its just I can't fathom their attitude to drinking and how it just seems to go against any normal thinking.

Friday, 6 May 2011

Pee on your toy car and it will break !

My wits are coming to an end. Humf’s fascination with being able to pee any time, any where. on to anything, is starting to drive me insane.  Yes it was funny at first when he peed in his sister’s trainer and then in the take away container, it was even slightly amusing when he peed in one of the toy saucepans that goes with his toy kitchen.  But the joke has worn well and truly thin now and its all starting to get on my nerves.  He is not with out resources three toilets in the house and numerous potties dotted all over the place. It is not down to a timing issue either as he has gone through a good half the night without wetting the bed and can also hold up for many hours during the day.  Heaps of praise is bestowed upon him every time he takes the innovative to actually use the potty and on particularly stubborn days I have ended up putting the nappy back on. He starts the school nursery in September what happens when one of his key workers goes to drink out of her mug of tea and realises it doesn’t quite taste right. I can picture the conversation now with the headmistress, me begging for Humf to get another chance and pleading with her that really, underneath it all he is a good boy.  Maybe I should have called him “Dennis”


On another failure note, this diet thing is not bloody easy is it.  I think I have spent more time fallen off the waggon than actually on it.  Ok its been tough the last couple of weeks what with Ninja being booked in for his minor op and also dealing with a lovesick teen in the house but still the chocolate is passing my lips without so much as an inkling from my brain that I shouldn’t be doing this.  My will power is non existent and I think i am actually putting weight on. Ninja gently asked me this morning if I had forgotten that we had bought the Wii Fit.  I know one thing for certain though, the kids are better off without the junk food in the house (especially sweets) because as soon as they came back in it felt like WW3.  So if I don’t lose any weight at least with trying too I have discovered my kids really are better off without the crap and taking time to consider what we are putting in our mouths is well worth the extra time it takes.

Friday, 22 April 2011

Wii is not fit, Wii is fat man..

So between a fleeting thought and a moment of impulsiveness I bought the Wii Fit plus. I have been good I set it up the day it arrived and even let it weigh me.  What a harsh evil bugger it is..! On the one had telling me I am obese and need to lose weight for my health and then the next telling me how clever I am with my excellent posture. It seems to want to fill me full with emotional contradictions and leave me unsure as to whether its worth me even bothering. 

Actually that's not entirely true, its defiantly more fun than traditional exercises.  I can take my instructions from a nice English accented male instructor who has a lovely toned body (there was no way I was going to listen and watch miss super fit skinny instructor) He is very patient with me, doesn't mind when I fall over trying to do the yoga poses and gives me lots of praise for getting things right.  The aerobic exercises have the kids in stitches watching me trying to keep up with them and they are also easy enough and fun enough that they want to join in to.

All in all I think it was a good investment but I am not holding my breath for any miracles as I can't my head round the idea of dieting just yet.  If nothing else I hope it will make up somewhat for the huge amount of time I spend sitting in front of a computer.

BTW I actually sweated yesterday, from my forehead and all sorts of other places, this is good right :0).

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Ode to the middle one

Your job is tough my little one

Middle child but eldest son

Much is asked from your little head

Brush your teeth and keep well read


Elder sister tall and true

Gets to do stuff you can’t do

Baby brother small and cute

Sometimes wish he had a mute


And there you are, Mum’s little solider

Thinking thoughts of one much older

Helping out as much as you can

And still at times need a lending hand


This small poem is to let you know

That though is doesn’t always show

Mummy loves you with all her heart

And nothing will ever keep us apart


I’m proud to call you my eldest son

You bring so much happiness, joy and fun

I’ll hold you close everyday of my life

Through good times and bad, through trouble and strife


Always there by your side

For now and forever

Even after I have died.

Monday, 18 April 2011

My guilty secret and the trouble with sand.


I feel terrible Tom the gardener worked so hard in the garden getting it back under control.  He was here all day and it was all back breaking work with the added hazard of possible missed poos to be treading in.  His only instruction he left me with was to water the new planted shrubs that he had carefully chosen and arranged for me.  In fact in told me to water them verbally and left  me a note and do you think I have remembered to water those plants at all. I wouldn’t mind but the boys and I planted some veg too and they haven’t been watered either.  So today the garden is going to get a good soaking not sure whether this will help the dehydrated plants but it will relieve some of the guilt (Tom is back on Friday and he’s going to be able to tell isn’t he.)

Anyway now I have that off my chest I can tell you all about the fun we had with the sand.  Took them all to Stanwick lakes yesterday, yes all, the boys and the teenager (who brought a friend).  Stanwick is a beautiful place to walk with big picturesque lakes and ducks, geese and swans galore. That is not the reason we went of course.  We went for the 4 massive wooden climbing frames embedded in tons and tons and tons of lovely soft white sand.  Never do I remember to bring a bucket and spade but at least this time I remembered the change of clothes and a towel.  In the middle of these lovely climbing frames and sand is a water play bit which has water pouring out of and in to various bits that can be climbed on and walked through.  It really is a fabulous place to go on a warm day, the trouble is between the sand, mud, bird doodoos and water its also the messiest place in the world.  We had been there not 5 minutes and Ninja was totally soaked from head to toe and complaining of it being a bit chilly.  I was prepared, I gave him the look and told him if he got changed now we’d have to go home.  Suddenly his clothes weren’t that uncomfortable and he was off again getting more soaked.  Humf started off well sat in the nice dry sand, stole a bucket and spade from some unsuspecting kid and began to build sand castle so I sat on a grassy knoll with a eye on both and breath a sigh of contentment.  5 minutes later Ninja was back again, well chuffed that he’d made a friend and was “getting” everyone with him.  Distracted by the over excited Ninja for those few minutes I turned to look over at Humf again.  There were the bucket and spade, but no Humf. I scanned the climbing frame,  nope not there, shit time to get off my butt.  In to the sand pit I go walk round the climbing frame, walk over the climbing frame still no Humf.  Panic is starting to rise, seriously where can he have got to in the 30 seconds I was talking to Ninja.  Teenager gets screamed at to help search now, the girls separate and we each take a direction.  Within a couple of minutes searching I notice a woman looking slightly concerned over at something and get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I walk over there  and low and behold there is Humf stuck up to his knees in mud with a massive grin on his face.  Relieved I have got him and he is fine overwhelms me and then the realisation not only am I going to have to get him out of the mud but I am going to have to get him cleaned up somehow too, hits. 

A little girl and I manage to ply him from the sticky place and I strip him immediately (well after a photo op) tell him he was naughty for disappearing and guide him to the wet play area.  There in just a nappy on he eventually gets cleanish and for the rest of the day my eyes are clued to him. 


The trousers were a pale beige at the beginning of the day.

Apart from this little incident the whole time was brilliant and the boys fell asleep with that worn out but it was fun look about them, and I think so did I…

IMG_0087                   IMG_0093

Monday, 11 April 2011

She's done it to me again !!!

Ok it maybe a bit of a rant post so if you don't fancy it I'd navigate away asap.  So being single has it pitfalls as you may imagine and mine are suppose to being cushioned by my mother.  Well she at least gives me something else to focus my aggravation on.  This weekend though really topped the biscuit in taking the pee out off me, and proves that for her, I am just a convenient distraction from her facing her own messed up life and her own personal Eastenders plot. 

Last Monday I woke up with a raging sore throat and a blocked up nose. Fine no problem I can cope with a cold and I seriously don't expect lots of sympathy. The first thing my mother said to me on hearing my rough throat was "trust you to get ill before I am going away for the weekend". At which point I am thinking to myself "yes of course Mum all I wanted to do was get ill to put a dampener on your weekend". Then I get an email later on in the week basically having a go out me being ill, blaming me for my step dad for being an arse and inferring that we are all trying to ruin her life, plus having a quick pop at my teenage daughter by saying "well this will give her a chance to step up abit won't it" is it any wonder that as a teenager we didn't have a very good relationship". Again I do the grown up thing and ignore this email as her just spouting off. But she has managed to get up my nose anyway even with my best efforts not to let her get to me.

All weekend she has been in Amsterdam, all week she's known I am not well and on my own looking after myself and the 3 kids.  She's been to the sex museum, visited several cafes and done the red light district.  I know this not because she took the time to phone me and check how I am, or that she has emailed me to tell me she is ok, no I know this because I have been talking to one of the people she is away with on facebook chat.  No she didn't even try to contact me this way either.  This is suppose to be the person I rely on, can turn to in my hour of need, my stalwart in the face of the adversity that I am going to face over the next few months. 

Oh well I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, its just a good reminder as to why I thought I'd be ok if I moved away from her 74miles and why I would rather stay here than move back down to London.

Ok ranting over normal posting will resume shortly.

Friday, 8 April 2011

Teenager Daughters, The Royal Wedding and Blogging in the Garden.

Wow feeling super mega privileged to be blogging in the early evening warmth out in the garden watching one naked son spray the newly planted shrubs and himself, while other son is getting himself temptingly close to the hose then running screaming when his big brother goes to get him. Its at times like this that I realise how good it is to be alive and how lucky I am to be me. That no matter what life has thrown at me over the years (no more than others and probably a good bit less than some) I'm still standing and that I am actually making it. I feel like I have been holding my breath since forever and that now I am finally able to breath.

The scary teenager brought her interim report home today. This was the first time in ages that she volunteer to give it to me rather than leaving it in her bag for several weeks until I finally came across it. Rightly so she was proud of her report. It shows that even though she is also going through a rough period in her life she is actually doing very well. Pretty much on target for attaining the high levels that were anticipated for her at the beginning of the year and in some cases planning to exceed them. Her life is racing ahead whether she or I are ready for it or not. This September she will be heading for High School with all that entails (boys being my main concern lol) but also her GCSE choices and her reaching adulthood. As long as she is happy to have me at her side (well probably standing alittle behind her as mums can be so embarrassing) I will be content in the knowledge that I am doing something right.

She has asked me to start blogging more about her as she was so impressed with me being asked to write a review for a toddler cup that she wants me to start talking about hair extension and make up alot more. Clearly no hidden agenda there then. But should anyone like me to do a review on their latest make up range or false nails she has told me she will happily oblige in trying and testing them for me.

On another note, quite excited about the Royal Wedding if only for the fact that its seems to have brought out the neighbours need to suddenly get to know one another. As usual not a social event that involves the neighbours can go by with out Ninja wanting to take part. So I have confirmed to the street party organisers that we will be in attendance for the big day. Bless, they texted back to say thank you and that they will keep me posted on who will be coming, for some reason this has somehow made me feel I am involved with the organising and should take some responsibility for attending numbers, cue ringing around for moral support. As I live so close to where the party is taking place I am wondering if I should have an open house for the day to let people come and watch the ceremony as and when they want to. Can I be that hospitable? erm I'll have to chew over that one.

Just a quick footnote where did a sudden and passionatly unreasonable fear of spiders arise from in my baby son. I have bravely faced massive spiders without screaming in a vain attempt to not pass on any bad vibes and its not worked, he is even more scared of them than I am now !! how did that happen ??

Thursday, 7 April 2011

My All Grow'd Up Cup from Happy HollyDaisy Ltd

About a week ago I was very excited to recieve in the "My All Grow'd Up Cup" in the post.  It came in a smart  brown box with a big clear panel showing its exciting contents inside.  With 4 different colours to choose from I had chosen the unisex lime green for Humf my 2 and 3/4 old.

At first I was a little confused as to what the concept of the cup actually was and why was it different from other toddler beakers, but upon reading the packaging I discovered it was a learning system to try to teach toddlers not to leave their drinks lying around with the potential accidents, spillages or cries of where's my juice.

Eager to give it a test run we opened it up and while I was intially disappointed that the beaker itself wasn't very big but I was pleased that they had been thoughtful enough to provide batteries.

So the basic concept is this, the beaker holder has suction cups that can be attatched to any flat surface, you insert the batteries in to this part and switch it on, you then give your child their juice and encourage them to put the beaker in the holder when they are finished drinking, this action then rewards them by allowing them to hear the elephant trumpet with their success.

As with all things with children the novelty of hearing the elephant trumpet wore off pretty quickly and he ended up having more fun playing with the holder sticking it on and pulling it off various surfaces.  I can see where this beaker would be an excellent addition to the travel kit as their juice would be within easy reach for them on car journeys and it would not be rolling around the floor spilling everywhere (aslong as they put it back in the holder).

I believe as a product this makes an excellent present for toddlers and mums but I don't believe it would be something one would buy for oneself.  Its is well designed and in attractive packaging, the cup is sturdy and the holder is kid proof and it makes a lovely unusaul present maybe for a 1st or 2nd birthday. It would definitly be something I would consider purchasing my friends and familys kids.  


Sunday, 27 March 2011

I may have lost an hour but I've gain 5 minutes

So was really impressed that the alarm clock I got for Christmas last year actually moved an hour forward this morning without me having to do anything.  Of course I had get out of bed to check which kind of defeated the "wow pleasant surprise feeling" but at least I know now. 

I was also happy to discover that the docking station had automatically gone forward to, oh yeah, for clever technology.  The only ones I have had to do manually are the cooker and microwave and with them I have set a sneaky plan in motion.  For some reason it doesn't matter what time I get up for school in the morning, I can't help always being a good 5 10 minutes late and its starting to drive me insane. So I have set the clocks in the kitchen 5 minutes fast in the vague hope that if I leave at the time I normally do, I will actually arrive in school at the correct time. Its a simple plan and one I hope will keep me slightly more organised in future.

I know the whole hour forwards backwards isn't suppose to be a big deal, I still find it sends me and the kids a bit doolally for a couple of days our moods, hunger and tiredness all seems out of whack. It might just be coincidence but somehow I don't think so.  At least this one means it the beginning of summertime, with long sunny days and bbqs in the garden.

I am really looking forward to summer this year, I think it will be the most fun one yet with lots of time for friends and good food.  Bring it on is all I can say....

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Chocolate Muffins and Lucky Pants......

So the parental cracks are starting to show and the children being children are taking full advantage..The other morning the boys had arisen earlier than normal and rather than wake me they proceed to conspire to do their own thing. I can vaguely remember at points being disturbed in the half an hour between them sneaking out of bed and me jumping out panicking.  Suffice it to say I went in to their bedroom expecting them to have put the TV on and be sitting there like the perfect little angels they are.  What I was confronted with couldn't have been further from that image.  Empty chocolate muffin wraps, with remaining muffin spread all over the room, empty packets of crisps floating about and some extremely strong orange squashed spilt all over the floor. As my face reddened and the steam started pouring out my ears Ninja brightly looked at me with all innocence in his eyes and said "well I did ask you", "when did you ask me !" came my response through gritted teeth, "while you were asleep", he said a little less brightly than before "and did I respond when you asked me", teeth still gritted, "well you kinda grunted and I took that as a yes".  So I sat myself on the edge of his bed and tried to recall any kind of interaction I'd had with the kids in the last 1/2 hour.  I began to recall vague images and words..Like "Mummy open please" (which I must have done) and "can I have a chocolate muffin please".  I'd been had ! they had caught me at my most vulnerable 3/4 asleep still, totally incoherent and at their mercy.  They'd asked they'd got a response of some sort and I had even aided and abetted in the mischief having opened the crisps for them.  How pray tell me am I suppose to tell them off !   So I didn't, I had to much evidence stack against me to even consider it, and Ninja had a chocolate muffin for breakfast before school that day.....

Which brings me on to lucky pants.  I don't constantly go and buy new underwear for the kids, more a thing where only when you need it.  When I do, I buy good quality dark colours that will wash and wear and still look reasonable when changing for PE and such like.  Anyway I picked up 3 new pair of pants for Ninja the other day and some of his old ones were showing really signs of being had it and it was one of the new pair that I threw down the stairs for him to wear to school that day.  From the bottom of the stairs I hear the cry of "mum !!, these aren't my lucky pants" WHAT !! I didn't even know he had "lucky pants" why is my 6 year worrying about wearing lucky pants ! and how did they become lucky and what makes them lucky.  Close to school time as it was I decided now was not the time to discuss this whole new development of being superstitious. 

I spent the whole day worrying about this new aspect of his character, I didn't even think 6 year old could be superstitious , had I made him this way ? why has he decided his fate is not in his hands anymore and is being guided by forces outside his own doing? Is he watching to much TV?  how should I deal with this, should I just debunk it all or actually support him in his belief that if he does certain things it will make his life better in someway.  By pick up time I was really anxious to ask him why those pants were lucky pants and do you know what his answer was........"I dunno they just are" so another day to be chalked down as an unnecessary panic and guilt parenting day !!   

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Can anything else go wrong ?....

How can so many things be breaking around the house all at the same time.  First it was the bed, which decided that now there is only me in it, that it should just fall apart.  Then the shower in the en suite packed up rendering the second bathroom almost completely useless, must call plumber but not quiet ready to take out a second mortgage just yet, then the best one of all Ninja managed to get himself completely twisted and stuck in the seat belt of the car. 

Now don't get me wrong seat belts are never a bad idea, but I never realised how much of a not very good idea they could be too.  It was an uneventful trip home from the school run as usual and as we pulled up home, Ninja started getting fidgety. I stopped the car in the drive and began unloading the tons of stuff I always manage to accumulate during the day to take in to the house. On my way back from the first offload I realised Ninja hadn't got out of the car and called to him in an impatient tone to get out, I was replied with a soft wimpery voice "I can't mum, I'm stuck". Of course, harsh as it may seem (other mums back me up here please) I didn't believe him and so went to the boot to grab the second load and take it in to the house.  As I turned around from the second off load I realised that Ninja still hadn't left the car, and I started to get really impatient.  So went to get youngest out of his chair with thoughts of just leaving Ninja in the car to get on with whatever silly game he thought he was playing, but as I bent down to open the straps on baby's seat and peered in to the car I found Ninja with the look of pure panic on his face, being squished up against the back of the car seat....."I can't move mummy, every time I do it just gets tighter"  Oh crap..!!  Now having finally realised that actually he was telling the truth and wasn't just trying to wind me up, I ran round to the other side of the car to where he was sitting and desperately tried to untangle him. It was useless, for every move I made it either hurt him or pulled the seat belt tighter. I took a deep breath, I'm either being stupid which is why I can't untangle him or I am in too much of a guilty flap, I know I'll grab mooki, she'll be clear headed and probably see what the problem is with out any difficulty.  Ran in to the house screamed her down from her bedroom and then tried to explain to her the problem while Ninja was still in the back of the car now crying "get me out get me out".  When she saw the mess he was in her first reaction was "you'll have to cut in out" ok great it wasn't me just being stupid he was well and truly stuck. At this point I seriously considered calling 999 fire and rescue (well 6 firemen turning up would probably have made a seat belt being ruined worth it :0)) but while I was uming and ahhring the pros and cons (ie wasting important fireman's time so I can simply oogling them) Mooki ran in to the house and grabbed the scissors.

The moment of his release was a precious one in my memory banks. His sister and him do not have the greatest of relationships at the best of time but the action of her "rescuing" him cemented something both in their hearts which will never be removed.  I watched with soaring pride and emotion both their responses to him being freed and they were as close as brother and sister can be at that moment, I don't think anything could have dragged them apart from the cuddle they gave each other. It was a horrible and amazingly wonderful five minutes of my life.  Only made slightly sweeter by littlest one pointing at the harness in his car seat saying "stuck stuck"

So now I have a missing seat belt at the back of my car, and it needs its first MOT this year so that's just another unnecessary bill to get sorted that's already been added to the pile of them sitting on my desk. Away though I am glad it happened because since then Ninja and Mooki have given each other alot more respect and the love within them for each other is deepening.

Silver lining and all that eh !!