Saturday, 19 October 2013

The top ten ways to tell if you are a bunny boiler.......

10.  Fatal Attraction is you all time favourite film and you've watched it 20 times and taken notes down each time.

9.  You set up anonymous accounts so to stalk your ex or victim as we like to call them on every form of social media available

8.  You start stalking not only your victim but all the family too including the children.

7. You contact members of the extended family and friends of your victim, crying and whaling down the phone with pleas of "I don't understand, what did I do wrong"

6. You pretend to text your victim as some one else, and start bestowing the virtues of why you are so wonderful.

5. You pretend you are pregnant and then you pretend you have had an abortion for the sake of "his family"

4. You spend months trying to convince your victim you really were pregnant and you have "proof" if only he'd acknowledge you.

3. You try to convince your victims partner that actually he's an arsehole and that she would be better off without him.

2. You send threats to your victims partner and when that doesn't work you send her abuse constantly over a period of months and then start pretending that something is still going on with the victim in the hope to cause trouble or to try break down their relationship and destroy their family and their children's lives

But the number one reason you know you are a bunny boiler is

1. You send naked pictures and videos of yourself fingering yourself in the bathroom mirror 4 months after your victim has left you and has made no contact with you.  Not once but a few times and for the life of me I can't understand why you would do only guess is that in some screwed world you really think there is some sort of relationship still going on with the victim even though he has made no attempt to contact you or has any desire to, save for getting you off his phone bill.
FUBAR is all I can say totally FUBAR

Monday, 14 October 2013

Pumpkin Picking in Peterborough

Try saying that when you've had a tipple.....

Well as you may have guessed from the title we did in fact go pumpkin picking this weekend.  A first for the Hill family and for a change the entire family all went together, even the grumpy teenager and maybe even grumpier mother.  Some of us where more prepared than others, to the extent that wellingtons where brought with, even though teenage daughter decided she didn't actually need them (she did, she really really did). As the last pair of wellies other half owned, accidentally ended up in the bin somehow (I have no idea, honest) he had to face the muddy fields in his trainers, bright white Nikes. Not a prospect he relished but he managed to put a brave face on it and forge on (will be purchasing new wellies asap).  The farm was set over 14 acres of land with a small orchard with plum, apples and pear trees.  A small area filled with sweetcorn and rows of raspberries and blackberries.  The kids made a half heart attempt to pick the fruit but it is a bit late in the season and so the plums left on the trees where quite high up (cue daddy pulling branches down for little arms and hands to reach) and the berry bushes had either been picked dry by the crows or had shrivelled up little bunches of yuck on them.  We weren't there for this petty distractions though, we and the few other families that arrived as we did where there for the main event, the big show, the massive veg. 

So once the troop was gathered back together from their various foraging or in Humf's case, shouted at to get off the tire swing for the 15th time. We headed over to the pumpkin patch, and yes that is exactly what it is, a patch of land with various sized pumpkins just lying on ground waiting to be picked.

Daddy and Humf where on wheel barrow duty which was working out fine until Humf decided he could "manage" himself, think, up turned wheelbarrow immediately.  Then when we finally got down to the pumpkin patch the kids got pretty freaked out by the scarecrow, it was a shop floor mannequin with the most realistic eyes I have ever seen..even had veins running through them.!!! So once recovered from the scare from the scarecrow the kids all wandered off to pick their special pumpkin.  While Daddy and I looked on not really wanting to enter the quagmire, chatting away, Daddy notices Humf out of the corner of his eye and as I look round at what he's staring out, I see Humf pulling up his trousers...yes, he'd just wee'd in the pumpkin patch...nice !!  After this little episode, we hurriedly got the kids to choose their pumpkins and promptly wheel barrowed them back to the till in the hut, where we priced our pumpkins by their size.  Do they fit in the hole £1.50 £2.25 £3.50 up to £9 of course all our pumpkins where too big for the cheaper hole but not quite big enough for the more expensive ones but of course we had to pay the more expensive price anyway.  £20 on pumpkins !!! I so need to use these for food not just for Halloween faces, so shall be probably blogging later on in the month about all these fantastic pumpkin recipes I have found and we have all tried. Defiantly going to roast those seeds though, they are a serious yummy treat :-) 

Sunday, 13 October 2013

I don't care if you think I'm fat

This is a subject that has been ruminating around my head for a few weeks now, basically how I feel about all the different aspects to what emotions and feelings are brought on by the "FAT" word.  I am a short woman, being short first a foremost, means, I can never been seen as truly elegant, only cute and sometime stylish (Kylie Monogue) and also a size 12 on a 5ft person looks chunkier than on 6ft person that's just a physics thing that can't be changed.  To be honest though my height has never bothered me, all the females in my family are 5ft and under, all the way back to my Great Grandmother they have all been strong working women and not one of them have been hindered by them being short. Now here's the other thing all 4 generations of these, strong, beautiful, loving super mums, who brought up their children and went to work and kept the kept the house going and we are talking over 100 years ago up to present, they have all been on the chunky side, including me.  So reason number 1 why I don't care if you think I am fat is, there are 3 women generational behind me that I have a massive amount of admiration and respect for just in my family that were, or are fat and it has made no difference to the of the quality of impact they have had on me and my future generation.  When I think about my grandmother, the first thing that doesn't spring to my mind, is OMG what a lard arse, I remember her amazing roast potatoes, and the warm smell of a roast cooking on a Sunday and the slapped wrist I'd get for trying to steal the scrapings from the roasting pan. I remember her long bright red painted nails and the ring of deep red lipstick on the end of her cigarette.  What I am saying is as a child and as a young adult when she died, never did I think, urgh I can't love you because you are fat. In fact in the last few months when she had been very ill, and had dropped loads of weight off I was actually freaked out by how fragile and frail she looked against the robust woman I'd known all my life. So there's the history of why I don't care, now for the present.  We as individuals are all built in a unique way, while the components may all be the same, the way they've been put together is totally different for each and everyone of us.  This is natures way of ensuring the genes we have from the 6 original Mums that gave us all life as the homosapins that we are today, get as widely dispersed between us as possible.  Therefore, no matter how hard I exercise, or diet or cosmetically change myself I will never "look" like the person I am aspiring to look like (my ideal look).  Fine you say, but what about looking the best you can look? I agree, that making an effort to wash yourself, keep your hair tidy and present yourself in clean clothes is a good thing.  What I don't agree with is the standard issue of if I was thinner I'd have more luck with, money, men, jobs, life. When those 6 original mums gave birth to us all, they weren't standing in front of a mirror, saying to one another, "ooh look I've gained 5lbs I look massive no one is going to want to shag me now" and all the mothers since that time.  Because I can almost guarantee we are the off spring of the great poor, unwashed, and unclothed masses, who still managed to get a bit of rumpy pumpy and pop out a good few sprogs.  You see what I am saying don't you. So reason number 2 of why I don't care if you think I am fat is, 3 kids, a whole lot of love in my life, a job that I love doing, a home of my dreams, beautiful friends around me and a loving, adoring partner who has always "wanted" me even though I'm a size 14 ie I'm doing alright for a fat bird. Then I sit back think about the bullying, nasty, spiteful nature of the superficial media constantly telling us only this particular image is beautiful, and we see our daughters looking at this stuff, being brain washed in to thinking that this is what beauty is when in actual fact beauty is just them.  Its just them, their very existence is a beautiful and amazing miracle.  From the moment their little hearts start beating in the womb, they are the most beautiful things on the planet.  But the media and in turn their teenage friends, all start the comparisons, they tell them they must look like this otherwise they will get nowhere.  They tell them what size they should be, what makeup they "have" to wear, how high their skirts should be otherwise no one will be their friend, no one will want them, they will be nothing, are nothing, if they don't look this certain way.  And this is my reason number 3 why I don't care if you think I am fat, I am showing my child another way, I proving to her daily that being a certain body shape does not mean you are going to win or fail at life. It doesn't in fact mean anything, and all this bullshit the media portrays is in the editors heads, its like the story of the emperors new clothes and somebody has got to hold their head up and say...WTF he's naked because that's all it is, nobody wants to admit they have got it all wrong these last 4 decades when that's exactly what has happened.  So daily I show her, I set an example, I work, I run the home, I look after her and her brothers, I have a partner and I have friends and I am happy, and that doesn't require me to being a size 6 and having all the stress of not eating and constant exercising to go with it.  I eat sensibly, I exercise in moderation and I enjoy my meals with my family.  I am healthy, and I make balanced healthy meals, take my kids out walking and keep our lifestyle active.  I do not need to beat myself up that I am damaging them in anyway because I am not, so what I'm not a size 6, I do know I am happy with exactly who I am and surely that is all that matters. So don't tell me you think I'm FAT because I just don't CARE what you think.

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Autumn Picnic

So at the weekend we went for a picnic by the lake.  A totally impromptu decision as most of this families are.  The weather was beautiful and I didn't need to fuss about making sandwiches and taking mosquito repellent. We just grabbed a couple of sandwiches from the local supermarket and headed off for our walk. For once the kids didn't moan, while my boys are quite an active pair, to randomly walk somewhere, with no specific destination or reason, just seems utterly pointless to them. But with bellies full and giggles at ducks they were happy to just cruise along the path with us.  The photographers where quite out in force and for this I was very grateful as I could just pop over and see what they were looking at and grab a few shots for myself.  We stop by one lady who was taking a picture of a large group of thistles, not an interesting subject you may think, until she pointed out the enormous blue dragonfly perched quite contentedly on this spiky plant not bothered at all that we were all excited to see it up close.  Daddy could see "ole itching fingers" wanting to grab, shake or distract the bug so gave Humf a good sharp warning as the other photographer and I snapped away, while doing this Ninja decided to stick his oar in and give the thistle a good rustle.  We all gasped as the dragonfly flew away, and the sheer disappointment on all our faces must have hit him like a stone.  While I desperately try to apologise to the other photographer for my child's insensitive behaviour, Daddy took Ninja away and tried to explain to him why we were all so disappointed by what he'd done. Bless him when he finally recognised what he'd done, he pretty much fell apart, (that boy is far to much like me) and no amount of soothing words and it doesn't matters left him feeling any better.  The whole think before you act thing, we all have to learn at some point had got him good and proper.  We managed after a good 10 minutes of break your heart stuff like, why am I so stupid, why did I have to do it, why do I never listen. He finally calmed down and we carried on our walk round the lake to the play area. By this time whinge pants had given up being the good one (for a change) and had reverted back to normal state of, the one you have to watch like a hawk and was good and ready to cause some mischief.  Luckily the park wasn't too busy and he was pretty much left to himself to play on whatever he wanted without getting up anyone elses nose.  Why do they never want to leave, it always gets me how, it doesn't matter how long you stay in that play area, they always want 5 more minutes, sometimes I look at them and wonder what it feels like to be them, looking at all the things around me with my head whirling with imaginative adventures, instead of sitting there watching them panicking that they are going to fall and hurt themselves. In the end they finally got tired enough that they didn't complain to much when we said it was time to leave and as we walked back to the car we did a bug hunt and were very successful in our finds.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

What do you expect? what do I expect?

Maybe its me, but sometimes my lack of understanding of the human psyche leaves me bewildered.  I have these days where I feel nothing is going right, that I'm never good enough, that I should just quit.  Then other days where everything falls in to place, the world is my oyster and I am totally untouchable.  My friends assure me that this is normal, everyone has these ups and downs days and I can certainly see it in other people when I look around me.  Teachers for instance you know when your kid comes out of school saying that their teacher spent the day shouting at everyone, you can pretty much guarantee that she was having "one of those days".  What I want to know is basically, how far can we as human beings push other human beings patience when we are having one of our "off" days.  Kids are brilliant at handling adults and their moods, yes your kid might be a bit upset coming out of school on a teachers particularly shouty day, but by the morning they would have pretty much forgotten Miss losing it because they didn't come in from playtime straight away, and will smile happily at Miss say good morning politely and eagerly want to show her some amazing thing they have brought in from home. While you as the adult and parent still feel like ripping her head off because she's traumatised your child.  So you see what I am saying, where in the growing up stage do we lose this ability to just let things go, when does the need to fight your corner, hold on to your feelings and emotional state become so important.  When do we decide we are justified just because we exist? Oh I know there are some arseholes in the world that put everybody back up just because they bully or blast their way through life not once considering the consequences of their actions, but then their are some children like that too and the other kids either put up with it or ignore the kid.  But when we the "normal" folk, the ones that always try to be polite, never cause a fuss and just want to be everyone friend.  When we lose the plot, how far do we expect our fellow human beings to cope with it.  Its only when us normal ones that finally lose it and go bizerk that anyone take notice of us.  So yes shooting into a crowded shopping centre at random people is not acceptable but surely the signs before this would have been there?  Surely someone would have noticed a seemingly normal person become a different one even if they were only little changes. My point is, when can I say to the rest of the world, I'm in a bad mood, I still love you I still want to be your friend, but I am just in a bad mood and they accept that without judgement or pain.  When can I be in a bad mood, and not smile politely at the girl serving me behind the counter and not feel guilty because I am now worried I will have offended her in anyway, when can I just be unreasonable, selfish, self centred and stubborn? I suppose the only real answer is I can't.  None of us can, can we, especially to the ones we love, because it will hurt them, and they are the last people that deserve that.  We can't allow ourselves to be swallowed up with our own emotions, thoughts and feelings because people expect us "normal" ones to behave in a certain way.  We can't be a Diva or a Rude person or a bitch, we can just be us.  We can however let go a little more, not to be better than the rest but to be better for ourselves.  We can take a lesson from the children, let go of the negativity that we get from others and face the new day with positivity. Allow others to release their emotions in an inappropriate or appropriate way, we don't need to rise to it, we don't need to fight our corner, or make our point.  We can just let it go, not because we don't care, but because we care very much.  If we let it go we can maybe help deal with the other persons issues and if they don't want that, then that's fine too, we can walk away from it with a clear conscience no guilt that we have added to whatever is giving them this emotional stress. So tomorrow I will take the example set by my children, I will accept that there will be people around me who are in a bad mood, whether they are close to my heart or not, but I won't let it crush me, I won't let it affect me, I will try to help because I am a caring person and I do want to help others, but if the help I offer is rejected I will not hold onto the feeling of hurt at the rejection I will just let it go, and walk away knowing I did all I could and that I should hold no guilt.  This will not make me a bad person, this will make me a person who wants to be in control over what goes on in her own head, who wants to be in control over what is important to her, and not allow others to control or try to damage her hard earned self esteem and respect and if others don't like it they don't need to be around it.  I am who I am, I get in to bad moods, I don't expect you to like it, but then I don't like yours either, but that is ok, because I am not going to hold on to it, I will help if I can but if I can't I can't. Life isn't easy for anyone and no one has the right to demand anything from anyone else (unless they are your children, then they can have every last thing you can give them) and no one needs to feel they aren't good enough, or worthy enough, or thankful to another person for their own existence. We are all equal and we are all beautiful.