Sunday, 27 February 2011

Friday Night Out...

So last Friday was my first night out without the kids in about 10 months and my first time out as a single woman for about 10 years.  It was a most surreal experience, in the fact that, while the game may not have changed I seem to have phenomenally.  Everyone under 30 look like babies (except for my friends of course). Anyone my aged looked like pain had been etched all over their faces and anyone older didn't even look up from their glass.  While I thought it might have been nice to get chatted up, in reality it was all just a bit creepy and the more I had to drink the creepier it got.  I've never been a massive pub goer ever and in that respect it a good pub that plays fun songs so I was comfortable being there. I just had no idea where I fitted in to the social standing, I wasn't a carefree single looking for a 6 month fling, but neither am I desperate to find love so I am not alone in my old age.  I think I am pretty sure who I am, I am a boring middle aged mum, who is devoted to her kids and doesn't have much time for anything else, I am over weight, slightly saggy and love my friends to pieces..Tell me what the hell is inviting about that.  Don't get me wrong I am not pining for the days before, seeing him on Saturday was enough of a reminder of why I am single now.  I think maybe I am just expecting too much of myself to just jump on my feet and move forward in my life.  10 years of being subject to demoralising and demeaning comments is alot of baggage to try to forget and disbelieve.  Slowly though I think I will recover may not today or tomorrow but in time and Friday night was the proof that I don't need to be a bed with someone to feel any self worth.  Oh and walking back the mile home in barefoot was fun lol (those bloody heels were killing me !!!)

1 comment:

  1. Well said Caroline.
    If you feel like this at your age, how the heck do you think I feel lol.
    At the end of the day we will never be alone in our old age, as we will always have kids (and grandkids) which is more than my ex will have !


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