I know its been a while again with this whole blogging thing but hubbie said something to me this weekend that has got me thinking and also wanting to discuss it a bit.
On this rare and treasured evening out without our darling children, where we were able to just talk, be together and say what we are thinking, he told me that one of the qualities of me he finds astounding is my ability to "just be me" in all situations.
With me he sees an honesty about who I am, I don't hide behind lies or masks I am me, take me as I am. He says this is a pure honesty when he sees me in social situations he sees me, Caroline, not a masked person hiding from who they really are, not the joker, or the aggressor, the loud one, the bubbly one, the one who thinks they are gods gift, the mutton dressed as lamb or the one who needs a few glasses of something to relax, he sees just me good or bad, boring or funny, the person he loves.
As I said before this got me thinking about all those people who front the world with a persona. Those who put on a mask and are so frightened of what people think of them they aren't even able to be honest with themselves. Because being honest with yourself is truly a hard thing to do and if you are constantly lying about who you are, being honest with yourself is even harder as you start to believe your own lies.
While I understand a lot of people live with this mask thing and 9 times out of 10 it does no harm, I worry about those who are so lost in their ability to recognise who they really are that reality actually slips and all that is left is the persona one that needs constant bolstering and investing in.
Think about it if you are constantly worrying about letting the mask slip you are actually not getting to enjoy life. Never is this more apparent then the false worlds that are shown via social media the constant need for recognistion as it only seems "fair" that all this effort is going in to make this life seem so amazingly perfect others should admire, appreciate it or even envy it. What happens when these needy people don't get the adulation they think they deserve, they of course go on the attack.
Liars whether it be outwardly to others around them or inwardly to themselves already have a slight bent towards creating fantasy lives, loves and realities. Social media is a perfect platform for this and mostly can carry on living in their virtual worlds harmlessly. Those pathological liars, liars who've spent their entire lives living in their lies who get called out, shown up, humiliated even, are a dangerous bunch, willing to go to to extreme measures to have their thoughts and fantasies validated again.
They will attempt to drag anyone and everyone into their dark place to back up their own ideas their own internal thoughts to bring people into their webs so they can continue to hide from themselves because that is their true aim. Spinning tales of fantasy, attacking those who don't accept it, creating further lies to reach those who aren't interested, all these tactics are used purely to bolster the constantly crumbling wall that they are using to protect themselves from essentially themselves.
Its like the caked on make up on the pretty woman, she has so little self worth, so little belief in herself and is so frightened that beneath it all, there is nothing there that anyone would be interested in. The liars will pile on more and more lies, will work through every angle, try every avenue to bolster the wall and gain the recognition they think they deserve. They will use tactics to try to worm their way into peoples lives they think they can manipulate to hold up their fantasy lives and will try to tear down anyone lives they perceive as a threat to their made up realities.
So my question is, is this a sickness, a mental illness, or are they just born this way? also how the hell do we keep ourselves away from them, protect our children from them and recognise one when it comes our way?