Thursday, 30 January 2014

What is your inner voice telling you?

We all have one whether we recognise it or not. That little voice inside our heads which ways up our decisions and berates us when we get it wrong.

Mine of late seems to be shouting or possibly even screaming in my head to give what for to a few people. Never a coward in any situation, a trait that has left me in circumstances of which I will get beaten anyway but I keep fighting to the bitter end. I find myself at the end of a battle that I can't retaliate in, but my inner voice so desperately wants to.

Reasons for this restraint are easy to explain and so I shall.

1.  Its not worth it.  Self explanatory really my life is better off by not doing it.  It won't get me anywhere, it won't make me a better person and I won't proving anything to anyone just making an idiot out of myself.

2. My relationships would suffer.  This is a biggy, I am not prepared to allow anyone to drag my family's contentment, happiness, unity or love in to a gutter brawl with people that quite frankly have no business voicing opinions on my or my family's life.

3. I'm better than that.  Yes I will always protect and defend my family but these people have no influence on them, they aren't impacting anyone of this family, comments on social media, emails and videos can all be ignored, deleted or laughed at.

4. I have nothing to prove.  People will always want to talk, they will always want to gossip its human nature that doesn't for 1 second make whatever they are saying to be a truth.  I can count my blessing on one hand my children and my partner.  My friends are the sprinkles of deliciousness on the top of life and I am grateful that so many have stood by me, so many tell me they love me.  My friendships don't come from lies they come from the ugly truths that we've shared and we've supported each other through, strong bonds built through trust. So me screaming from the top of my voice that's not me the person you are saying I am, I am not like that at all, is pointless because those that matter know who I am, love who I am and respect who I am.

5. If I retaliate I would be feeding a sickness of the mind that I am so better off staying well away from.  Someone who lives in a fantasy land of their own making.  Who spends too much of their time listening to that inner voice and acting on it continuously, is not healthy, especially when that inner voice is also a little bit sick and twisted too.  We all have a "ideal" of who we'd like the world to see us as, whether that be the saint or the sinner, the studier or the partier or the whatever. But that ideal we try to project doesn't always come across to rest of the planet the way you'd expect it.  You may like to think you are a kind sweet innocent person but then if you act upon your inner more basic voice who demands that you gain what you want no matter the cost then you aren't that sweet and innocent are you?

My point being to all this, is my inner voice wants to defend herself against a barrage of spiteful venomous comments made against her, which are based on no facts, just the ideas and thoughts from an attention seeking, insecure woman who should know better at her age who has nothing better to do with her time than comment on, read, and make judgements on a family that has nothing to do with her, that she isn't involved with, related to or has any connection with, her children aren't related to, her partner isn't related to in fact I am at a loss to why if she truly wants to get on with her life and she's so much happier now she still feels she needs to keep any form of contact she can ?? But as I suggested there maybe a screw loose somewhere up there.

Hence my inner voice can keep screaming but I shall not be answering.  I will continue to post on social media the things I think are funny or interesting or matter to me for people to either read or not read but I will not be hauled into a no win argument with anyone especially someone who has no relevance in my life whatsoever even if they are trying to use every spiteful nasty thing they can conjour up in their heads.

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