Oh Sh*t its 2014 already

Lord, one minute I was panicking about what to buy people, how I was going to pay for it and will they think I'm a cheapskate because I only got them chocolates and the next we are here, New Year!

What a whirlwind, not in the sense that our time has been taken up with relentless parties and endless entertaining because quite frankly its been a quiet one.  Its more the roller coaster of emotions that have been running through the house on a daily basis.  Don't get me wrong they have mostly been positive ones, with hyperactive giggling children, semi drunk over loving teenagers and the continuing honeymoon period of my current relationship but there has been a few dents in the whole rose tinted merriment of the holiday season.

For instance the slight panic I felt on Christmas eve with the prospect of 60 odd presents still to wrapped at 7pm and my designated helper gently snoring on the sofa.  This panic state was quickly averted by me also putting my head down and then us waking up together at 10pm and commencing the wrapping until 1am Christmas morning..See no problem really until of course we were woken up at 5am by 2 very excited little people.

Then there was the Boxing Day or otherwise known as, Mum's 70th birthday, moment of surrealism where we presented Mum with her birthday present...(a meat grinder) which she proceeded to completely unwrap take out the box and study intently. Leaving, what I would consider, some rather gruesome looking apparatus to hand and a strange glint in her eye as she handled the sausage maker expectantly.  I spent the rest of the day with the music of Sweeney Todd randomly popping in to my head at inopportune moments.

Then there was the rather unpleasant news on the 28th where we discovered that the house has damp via an email with alot of red writing and capitalisation in it. This was while we were trying to enjoy a local kids Christmas disco, which had already been slightly spoiled by the fact that Santa had run out of Christmas presents for all the children and had had to make a quick exit back to the sodding North Pole and back again (well that's what it felt like time wise) to magically provide presents to appease all the parents who'd paid the £5 for this enchanting event (tube of milky buttons, not impressed, to be honest though the kids couldn't have cared less of it was just the tube).

By the 30th we'd got to the running out of food stage and it was really a short straw moment as none of us had any desire whatsoever to leave the house, but New Years Day was fast approaching and someone had to go.  Mum was the hero of the hour, because after much wrangling and sighing and haven't we got ANYTHING left at all, she quietly slipped out the front door to return an hour later fully laden with basic essentials and a few goodies as well. A true family hero was greeted on her return, with various grunts from the children and a mumble from me of "did you buy me any chocolate?" (she had).

The infamous last night of the year (New Years Eve) was spent almost in the most perfect way possible, phone calls from the eldest every 90 minutes to tell me that she was still "FINE MOTHER"  The boys were bathed early with vast amounts of their new smellies and nice and settled and the evening was spent in various positions snuggled on the sofa wishing all the friends and family a Happy New Year via facebook, twitter and text, while laughing at some of the horrifically embarrassing images being posted all over the net, even before the clock has reached midnight.

I can honestly say I am as ready for 2014 as I have ever been ready for any new year but I did have a quick wonder what 2054 will be like and whether I will see it, being as that will be my 80th year as apposed to this one being my 40th :-) HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone :-)

The Shopping Trip...

So this week I have gone Christmas shopping with both the other half and my mum.  Not at the same time I might add, that would possibly be hell on earth, probably more stressful than taking the boys food shopping.

Now there are merits in both these adventures into the foray of Christmas present buying.  For instance going with the other half was lovely, we don't get a chance to do much together alone and we were out early enough that we were able to sit down and have a cooked breakfast together.  Never mind the fact it was only a Tescos cafe one, it was simply the fact we were doing something normal, together and without being constantly pulled every which way by the kids wanting our attention.  After our relaxed breakfast we set about the task of purchasing presents, we probably should have had a plan.  But as usual with us it was all a bit spontaneous and impromptu.  We hit Boots the chemist first (does anybody else think that, Boots is a strange name for a place that dispenses medicine ??) and was able to in one foul swoop present buy for 8 nephews, 2 nieces and 2 sisters without breaking a sweat. Good job you might think 12 presents in under 20 minutes.  But Boots wasn't the reason we'd gone to this place of wonder called a shopping centre, no, we had vouchers for Tescos...

After our first success we headed over to the "big" store and quickly ascertained that there was a machine were by a few presses on the screen we would be able to effectively double our vouchers.  A no brainer you may think, well it was up to the point where we had to decide which department we were going to choose to receive our hard earned cash.  Now I don't know about your family but for us it seemed that with every department we chose what we would actually want from that department was, of course, excluded from the double up deal.  Toys and Games, no dvds, no pc games, no game station games, bugger.  Clothing, no pj's, no accessories, no shoes..Tescos are you trying to drive us mad, Health and Beauty, no make up, no skin products, no perfume or gift sets, hey Chairman of Tescos you do know its Christmas don't you ??

Having now spent 10 minutes randomly pressing different parts of the screen we decided that before we could even vaguely think about which department would we get the most value from, that we had to go see for ourselves what each one offered.  So off we went and headed for Toys and Games first. I would never want to argue that one of us knows the kids better than the other because that would just be a foolish statement. But as we walked around the aisle looking bewilderingly at the amount of plastic that was on sale in one moulded form or another.  I came to realise that we know our kids in slightly different ways.  What I mean by this is.  It has become apparent that if daddy and I were to make the same statement to the kids, but at different times, and not when we're together, I have a very strong suspicion that the kids would react in very different ways to both of us.

I don't know why this hasn't occurred to me sooner, but its something I must be aware of I think when I am making a judgement call, say when an incident at school has happened or a problem has arisen. I think if they came from school one day and said they'd got in to trouble for not doing as they were told, I am pretty sure they'd spin the story of events according to which ever parent they were speaking to.  What I mean is, with me I think it would be more slanted on their emotional upset, but with daddy I think the emotional upset would still be there but also a sense of bravado would also be implied.  I don't know whether this is just a male thing or whether it is the same for a girl. Its hard to tell now as the 16 year old is all bravado all the time with both of us, though actually thinking about it, it is less so with daddy.

Ultimately this whole epiphany of thought came to light because we had differing opinions on what the boys would like as their Christmas presents which surprised me somewhat as we discussing the same kids. Happily we compromised on most of it and eventually got through the whole voucher processing and then subsequent queueing and paying for the goods without to much hassle and hopefully we have struck a good balance of parental influence and child personality with each kid's gifts.

Well we'll find out Christmas morning, won't we :-)

Aaaahhggghhhh This frustrates me so much !

Right, before we begin, please don't get me wrong, I am in the business of making people feel good about themselves. Admittedly not in the direct way, a make up artist or a hairdresser does, but I still capture people at a given moment in their lives. A place they can look back on and bring back memories, and ultimately I don't want those memories to be bad ones. So for this reason I aim to make people look good and in turn feel good. OK? we clear, you know where I stand now ? fine we shall carry on.

As I am progressing with my photography I am discovering the different "types" and I don't mean to be sexist or anything but I am talking about women here, men there seems to be only one type, the one that doesn't want to be in front of the camera at all, and who refuses to smile, just in case they look silly, so would rather look like miserable grumpy old git instead. Anyway I am digressing, and while most of us fall in to the "ooh I really don't like having my photo taken, but I know I will regret it if I don't, so I may as well make the best of it" section.  There are a minority that will inevitable fall in to the polar opposites of this spectrum.

Now what I find absolutely fascinating and sometimes a little sickening is the fact the ones who you'd think traditionally would be a "Girl, I love myself" types, ie young, pretty, slim, flawless complexion and whole life in front of them are usually the ones that want to run away and hide when the camera comes out, whereas the "cougar generation" namely single older women who think that just because they are over 40 all blokes are going to be salivating at them because they've "experienced" life but actually, have to wear makeup, hide the fact they've eaten a chocolate eclair, and can't leave the house until everything has been pinned, stretched, sucked in and pushed up are all in my face with a "get my good side love !"  errrrr would that be behind the door then ?

Now before you go shouting and calling me out, remember paragraph 1.  These extremes I am talking about aren't your average woman, lady or girl.  I have had beautiful young things coming to have their photos taken because parents are insisting, who look as miserable as sin as soon as I hold the camera up and I know their photos will look stunning, but for some reason they feel so damn ugly inside it hurts. Why do they suffer so? yes I know media has a lot to do with it but this isn't a new phenomena.  Girls have been told from day dot they must make themselves presentable if they want to "find a man" which is fine, being clean, tidy and healthy is a good thing.  But why do so many younger people find it so difficult to like themselves and then there are these middle aged women who think they are the dogs boll*cks when actually they come across as a little bit sad trying to convince everyone they are still as young and vibrant as a 20 year old.

If only I could give these younger people, a bottle full of what these older people think they have, allow them to be confident and sexy without fear of being judged in anyway. Its like life's kick in the butt, when you have it you don't realise it and when you realise you had it, you are already past it (well at least you do if you have any self respect lol) I know I know, but seriously do you think Madonna is doing herself any favours, do you really think Cher has got it right.  Would you approve of your 60+ mother trying to make herself look 20+ or would you tell her she's being ridiculous?

I think what I am trying to say is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder or the camera lens as in my case.  So when I look at you through the camera, yes I see your imperfections ( we ALL have them), and yes I can see your worries but also I can see the sparkle in your eyes, the genuine warmth from your smile, the gentleness in your face.  These are the things that make a beautiful photograph, these are the images, that stop people in their tracks and say Wow you look lovely there.  It doesn't matter how much make up or sucking in or pushing up you do if these genuine emotions aren't there, or if you are trying to be something you are clearly not then this shows through the image and every image you take will look fake and unattractive.  Do you see what I am saying, be yourself, because yourself is beautiful and worthy no matter what your head tells you when you see your photo, as the people around you will tell you, you are loved and cherished for YOU. So next time you have a camera pointed at you and you are feeling unsure, look at the people around you see them smiling at you because they love you, then face the camera and SMILE :-)

Ok Ok its September 2013

Yes yes, I know I haven't been here for a while again..but I am back and ready to take on the world.  Since we last spoke, the family has grown somewhat and not in that way !!.. We now encompass me, Big man, Mooki, Ninja, Humf and Dotty (my mum) which is ok as we have moved to a new house and this has given all of us our own space.  Living with your mother again brings new and fresh challenges in your life which you don't get when you bring a traditional new addition to the household.  While its a blessing I don't need to change her bum, or get up with her for night feeds, I do have to contend with the nit picking and general attitude of a teenager while not actually being a teenager, which at times can be slightly frustrating..But more than any of that excitement, my biggest news is that now I am a photographer..!! Yes you read right.  3 years of studying at college, exams taken and passed to be a qualified accountant and I have left the whole lot behind to pick up a camera.  Why you may ask ?? or you may not depending on whether you actually are vaguely interested in reading this blog. Well I lost one job in September and the other job I was doing (yes working two jobs, we've all been there at some point haven't we) I was made redundant from in November and that kind of thing, makes you take a look at your life and what you are doing with it.  When I thought about it, I mean really thought about it, I wasn't actually happy working in an office enviroment. I know lots of people do it, and love it.  They can cope with the office politics and the pretense of actually caring about their work colleagues while secretly stabbing them in the back.  But I couldn't, things would upset me and play on my mind.  I'd worry if I had offended or distressed and had none of the hardness that seemed to go with these middle aged women, who gossiped about others as if playing out an episode of Eastenders. So while wondering what I did actually enjoy the camera kept popping in to my head.  I'd been told by Bigman plenty of times that I could take a photo and it would frustrate him that I had shied away from taking them for far to long.  So with some of my redundancy money I purchased a camera and started badgering friends to be my practise models, which they kindly did.  Not a month into my happy snapping and a gorgeous lady approached me to help out with a charity calendar, which I more than happily agreed to and 10 months later after raising nearly £4000 for a cancer hospice, I am doing Weddings, Portraits, Boudoir and Family shoots and loving every minute of it. Here's one that won a Judge's favourite award.  If you want, you can have a look at a few more on my facebook page www.facebook.com/Yourlifeyourink the website is still  in the process of being built :-)

There is potential for randomness......

Morning/afternoon/evening for whatever time you are reading this. For me I am writing on a Thursday morning on half term week, which means that I am almost done with another school holiday and have managed to survive with only one wall covered in pen and no trips to A&E (so far). Ok single life over the last 5 months hasn't been half as scary as I thought it was going to be.  Every day is an adventure and for every obstacle overcome I gain a little more self respect and faith in myself. Having said that, as I hurtle towards the first of the kids birthdays as a single mum, I have found myself questioning lots of decisions.  Humf is turning 3 a week today and its been a rollercoaster for this little man so far in his three little years.  He's been through and faced possibly the worst time in his mothers life and just had to cope right from the day he was born. With this in mind I may have gone slightly overboard in trying to make his birthday special and I'll just have to try to find party bag fillers for 30 preschoolers and cater for these extremely demanding party food connoisseurs.  I am employing specialized disagreement mediators in case there are any arguments and bouncers in case we get gatecrashers or possible escapees. At least I'm not doing it all at home.  

Had a falling out with a facebook "friend" this week.  I don't know about you, but I try to be non judgemental when reading other people statuses even if i don't agree with the post.  I had received a speeding fine through the mail and had a little moan about the fact that Northants Police were very quick to charge me on doing 36 in a 30 zone but are taking nearly 6 months to deal with another far more serious matter.  Anyway this "friend" decided to start berating me for "speeding" and even when it was explained that I am a good driver and that it is well known that the police are only ever there as a money making exercises because no one has been run over in the town let alone just that one road, she still felt it necessary to lambaste me. In the end I politely asked her to delete me as she clearly wasn't prepared to listen and take on aboard anything that I or other people were saying and therefore I didn't want her to be part of my life.  She kindly obliged.  What I don't understand is why she felt is necessary to not only upset me with her comments and accusations but also the other people who were posting comments as well.  Its not as if she has to deal with these people personally on a day to day basis or even with them at all, what did she possibly have to gain by intentionally putting peoples backs up?

I think I know why they teaches us geometry in school. Its so when we have kids of our own and they come to us for help we can stare at them with wild panic in our eyes and have to admit to them that we just don't know everything.  They can then feel superior and so start the teenage process as it means to go on, them going round with a mildly over inflated ego and you tearing your hair out. This came to a head the other day when mooki moo brought her maths homework to me with a whine of "help me".  She handed me a piece of paper with various shapes, formulas and questions on volume, I had not a clue and as I went to open my mouth got told, there's no point as I obviously don't understand it and how is this possible when you are an accountant.  I then tried to explain that there is very little geometry in accounting but she'd already walked out in a huff by then. Somewhere the Gods of maths are sitting around chuckling at me I'm sure of it.  

Anyway I am sure you have had enough of my ramblings and its a lovely day so I suppose I should get us all ready and take us somewhere educational and fun. Speak to you soon you lovely lovely people xxx

Normality Returning

Wow, I feel some sort of normalility returning to my brain after two weeks of bag folding...! Goodness me that job involves so much more than just the mear fact of folding and stuffing..It massively impacts on family life driving everything else to the back burner and putting a surmountable pressure on Paul and I to complete it and get it out of the way. And the fantastic intentions of the beginning of the job wain so sharply and so quickly I wonder why we do it..Well I know of course we do it for the extra money and yes its worthwhile but it always leaves me alittle shell shocked..!! On the plus side I am now so excited about the prospect of finally getting to do some housework the I am positively bubbling..Oooo Bliss 1 whole day of solid uninterupted housework...I love my kids with all my heart and would play with them over housework everyday of the week but there is no one else who can do it and to have the luxury of being able to just continue working until the job is done, with no drink breaks, lunch breaks, arguement breaks, fall over and bash yourself breaks and the one that really drives me mad the MUM MUM MUM !!! MUM MUM MUM !!! breaks will be better than a whole evening of tele to myself..Yes I really am that sad !!! and having made extra bolegnese sauce today I won't even have to worry about dinner tomorrow LIFE IS GOOD

And I thought I didn't scare easily

Having been on this planet for 30+ years and an avid horror fan for a good part of that I feel I have become pretty desensitised to most things that scare. However I have just managed to scare the bloody pants of myself in the car with the other passengers not even batting an eyelid. Picture the scene black ice, side turning pulling out on to a main road. I started braking well before the end of the turning knowing full well that the roads are pretty iced up and the car just refused to stop. OK i thought this isn't really happening and the car IS going to stop if I just push down harder. ABS going off alarmingly and still the car not stopping. I watched in horror as we exited the road and started sliding out on to the main road...Look right nothing coming ok safe that way, look left HOLY shit car coming at speed...the kids are on that side of the car OMG I am going to have an accident and the kids are going to get hurt...Cant the stupid car see I am skidding and cant stop...SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT !!! the car stop just as it got to the middle of the road and the car coming towards us turned off. Apparently I had grabbed Lex, "Mummy why have you grabbed me" to which my blubbering response is "FUCK!!" I will not be driving for the rest of the weekend or at least until I know its safe to go out...My goodness that was scary