The Shopping Trip...

So this week I have gone Christmas shopping with both the other half and my mum.  Not at the same time I might add, that would possibly be hell on earth, probably more stressful than taking the boys food shopping.

Now there are merits in both these adventures into the foray of Christmas present buying.  For instance going with the other half was lovely, we don't get a chance to do much together alone and we were out early enough that we were able to sit down and have a cooked breakfast together.  Never mind the fact it was only a Tescos cafe one, it was simply the fact we were doing something normal, together and without being constantly pulled every which way by the kids wanting our attention.  After our relaxed breakfast we set about the task of purchasing presents, we probably should have had a plan.  But as usual with us it was all a bit spontaneous and impromptu.  We hit Boots the chemist first (does anybody else think that, Boots is a strange name for a place that dispenses medicine ??) and was able to in one foul swoop present buy for 8 nephews, 2 nieces and 2 sisters without breaking a sweat. Good job you might think 12 presents in under 20 minutes.  But Boots wasn't the reason we'd gone to this place of wonder called a shopping centre, no, we had vouchers for Tescos...

After our first success we headed over to the "big" store and quickly ascertained that there was a machine were by a few presses on the screen we would be able to effectively double our vouchers.  A no brainer you may think, well it was up to the point where we had to decide which department we were going to choose to receive our hard earned cash.  Now I don't know about your family but for us it seemed that with every department we chose what we would actually want from that department was, of course, excluded from the double up deal.  Toys and Games, no dvds, no pc games, no game station games, bugger.  Clothing, no pj's, no accessories, no shoes..Tescos are you trying to drive us mad, Health and Beauty, no make up, no skin products, no perfume or gift sets, hey Chairman of Tescos you do know its Christmas don't you ??

Having now spent 10 minutes randomly pressing different parts of the screen we decided that before we could even vaguely think about which department would we get the most value from, that we had to go see for ourselves what each one offered.  So off we went and headed for Toys and Games first. I would never want to argue that one of us knows the kids better than the other because that would just be a foolish statement. But as we walked around the aisle looking bewilderingly at the amount of plastic that was on sale in one moulded form or another.  I came to realise that we know our kids in slightly different ways.  What I mean by this is.  It has become apparent that if daddy and I were to make the same statement to the kids, but at different times, and not when we're together, I have a very strong suspicion that the kids would react in very different ways to both of us.

I don't know why this hasn't occurred to me sooner, but its something I must be aware of I think when I am making a judgement call, say when an incident at school has happened or a problem has arisen. I think if they came from school one day and said they'd got in to trouble for not doing as they were told, I am pretty sure they'd spin the story of events according to which ever parent they were speaking to.  What I mean is, with me I think it would be more slanted on their emotional upset, but with daddy I think the emotional upset would still be there but also a sense of bravado would also be implied.  I don't know whether this is just a male thing or whether it is the same for a girl. Its hard to tell now as the 16 year old is all bravado all the time with both of us, though actually thinking about it, it is less so with daddy.

Ultimately this whole epiphany of thought came to light because we had differing opinions on what the boys would like as their Christmas presents which surprised me somewhat as we discussing the same kids. Happily we compromised on most of it and eventually got through the whole voucher processing and then subsequent queueing and paying for the goods without to much hassle and hopefully we have struck a good balance of parental influence and child personality with each kid's gifts.

Well we'll find out Christmas morning, won't we :-)

I quit smoking today....

Ok so its a little late for Stoptober and I am kinda only doing it to prove something to myself but I am finally quitting again.  10 years ago I quit and stayed off the fags for 5 years then through all sorts of reason I started again.  This time it will be for good I hope.  He's doing it also, and to be honest the way he coughs in the morning has always worried me and having only really just got him back I don't fancy losing him again to any nasty diseases.  He's on day 4, cold turkey and a tinsy whinsy bit snappy, I'm not that strong.  I have no will power to call my own so I am trying the e-cigarette option.  So far today, I haven't really been ratty or had massive cravings but then the kids have only just got home so that may change shortly.  To my credit though I have managed not to flip a lid at the state of eldest bedroom and have remained calm even to the sight of her sitting in the squalid mess, on her phone "too tired" to sort it out tonight.

So how's things with you ?? have you been up to anything exciting recently.  Are you like me now in a state of panic of the fast encroaching Christmas season with thoughts of crap my family has suddenly grown again and my wallet has considerably shrunk.  The last few years the buying for friends kids has tapered off somewhat, now the kids choose who they want to buy for in the friends stakes. Also the whole nephews thing is just a swapping for £20 notes.  This year however I am back to buying for the extend family, mother-in-laws and sister-in-laws, nephews, nieces and grand nieces.  Little ones are always a pleasure to buy for its the older ones that kinda only just want money really.

Thinking about it, there will be 10 nephews, 1 niece, and 2 grand nieces, 3 sisters, 2 mothers, and a partridge in a pair tree.  I wonder if they will all descend on us this year ? The house is big enough to take them all, and the dining table seats 12 easily so definitely some of them can come up.  In way it will be nice to reunite the family, ultimately the ripping apart was never something any of us wanted.  Well maybe not this Christmas, this Christmas will be saved for just us I think, 5 people, loving each other, communicating and spending time together, catching up, reminiscing and creating new memories.  There's always next year for the big family gathering.. :-)

Oh and I will be added a blueberry Shisha pen to my Christmas list :-)

Aaaahhggghhhh This frustrates me so much !

Right, before we begin, please don't get me wrong, I am in the business of making people feel good about themselves. Admittedly not in the direct way, a make up artist or a hairdresser does, but I still capture people at a given moment in their lives. A place they can look back on and bring back memories, and ultimately I don't want those memories to be bad ones. So for this reason I aim to make people look good and in turn feel good. OK? we clear, you know where I stand now ? fine we shall carry on.

As I am progressing with my photography I am discovering the different "types" and I don't mean to be sexist or anything but I am talking about women here, men there seems to be only one type, the one that doesn't want to be in front of the camera at all, and who refuses to smile, just in case they look silly, so would rather look like miserable grumpy old git instead. Anyway I am digressing, and while most of us fall in to the "ooh I really don't like having my photo taken, but I know I will regret it if I don't, so I may as well make the best of it" section.  There are a minority that will inevitable fall in to the polar opposites of this spectrum.

Now what I find absolutely fascinating and sometimes a little sickening is the fact the ones who you'd think traditionally would be a "Girl, I love myself" types, ie young, pretty, slim, flawless complexion and whole life in front of them are usually the ones that want to run away and hide when the camera comes out, whereas the "cougar generation" namely single older women who think that just because they are over 40 all blokes are going to be salivating at them because they've "experienced" life but actually, have to wear makeup, hide the fact they've eaten a chocolate eclair, and can't leave the house until everything has been pinned, stretched, sucked in and pushed up are all in my face with a "get my good side love !"  errrrr would that be behind the door then ?

Now before you go shouting and calling me out, remember paragraph 1.  These extremes I am talking about aren't your average woman, lady or girl.  I have had beautiful young things coming to have their photos taken because parents are insisting, who look as miserable as sin as soon as I hold the camera up and I know their photos will look stunning, but for some reason they feel so damn ugly inside it hurts. Why do they suffer so? yes I know media has a lot to do with it but this isn't a new phenomena.  Girls have been told from day dot they must make themselves presentable if they want to "find a man" which is fine, being clean, tidy and healthy is a good thing.  But why do so many younger people find it so difficult to like themselves and then there are these middle aged women who think they are the dogs boll*cks when actually they come across as a little bit sad trying to convince everyone they are still as young and vibrant as a 20 year old.

If only I could give these younger people, a bottle full of what these older people think they have, allow them to be confident and sexy without fear of being judged in anyway. Its like life's kick in the butt, when you have it you don't realise it and when you realise you had it, you are already past it (well at least you do if you have any self respect lol) I know I know, but seriously do you think Madonna is doing herself any favours, do you really think Cher has got it right.  Would you approve of your 60+ mother trying to make herself look 20+ or would you tell her she's being ridiculous?

I think what I am trying to say is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder or the camera lens as in my case.  So when I look at you through the camera, yes I see your imperfections ( we ALL have them), and yes I can see your worries but also I can see the sparkle in your eyes, the genuine warmth from your smile, the gentleness in your face.  These are the things that make a beautiful photograph, these are the images, that stop people in their tracks and say Wow you look lovely there.  It doesn't matter how much make up or sucking in or pushing up you do if these genuine emotions aren't there, or if you are trying to be something you are clearly not then this shows through the image and every image you take will look fake and unattractive.  Do you see what I am saying, be yourself, because yourself is beautiful and worthy no matter what your head tells you when you see your photo, as the people around you will tell you, you are loved and cherished for YOU. So next time you have a camera pointed at you and you are feeling unsure, look at the people around you see them smiling at you because they love you, then face the camera and SMILE :-)

The top ten ways to tell if you are a bunny boiler.......

10.  Fatal Attraction is you all time favourite film and you've watched it 20 times and taken notes down each time.

9.  You set up anonymous accounts so to stalk your ex or victim as we like to call them on every form of social media available

8.  You start stalking not only your victim but all the family too including the children.

7. You contact members of the extended family and friends of your victim, crying and whaling down the phone with pleas of "I don't understand, what did I do wrong"

6. You pretend to text your victim as some one else, and start bestowing the virtues of why you are so wonderful.

5. You pretend you are pregnant and then you pretend you have had an abortion for the sake of "his family"

4. You spend months trying to convince your victim you really were pregnant and you have "proof" if only he'd acknowledge you.

3. You try to convince your victims partner that actually he's an arsehole and that she would be better off without him.

2. You send threats to your victims partner and when that doesn't work you send her abuse constantly over a period of months and then start pretending that something is still going on with the victim in the hope to cause trouble or to try break down their relationship and destroy their family and their children's lives

But the number one reason you know you are a bunny boiler is

1. You send naked pictures and videos of yourself fingering yourself in the bathroom mirror 4 months after your victim has left you and has made no contact with you.  Not once but a few times and for the life of me I can't understand why you would do that....my only guess is that in some screwed world you really think there is some sort of relationship still going on with the victim even though he has made no attempt to contact you or has any desire to, save for getting you off his phone bill.
FUBAR is all I can say totally FUBAR

Pumpkin Picking in Peterborough

Try saying that when you've had a tipple.....

Well as you may have guessed from the title we did in fact go pumpkin picking this weekend.  A first for the Hill family and for a change the entire family all went together, even the grumpy teenager and maybe even grumpier mother.  Some of us where more prepared than others, to the extent that wellingtons where brought with, even though teenage daughter decided she didn't actually need them (she did, she really really did). As the last pair of wellies other half owned, accidentally ended up in the bin somehow (I have no idea, honest) he had to face the muddy fields in his trainers, bright white Nikes. Not a prospect he relished but he managed to put a brave face on it and forge on (will be purchasing new wellies asap).  The farm was set over 14 acres of land with a small orchard with plum, apples and pear trees.  A small area filled with sweetcorn and rows of raspberries and blackberries.  The kids made a half heart attempt to pick the fruit but it is a bit late in the season and so the plums left on the trees where quite high up (cue daddy pulling branches down for little arms and hands to reach) and the berry bushes had either been picked dry by the crows or had shrivelled up little bunches of yuck on them.  We weren't there for this petty distractions though, we and the few other families that arrived as we did where there for the main event, the big show, the massive veg. 

So once the troop was gathered back together from their various foraging or in Humf's case, shouted at to get off the tire swing for the 15th time. We headed over to the pumpkin patch, and yes that is exactly what it is, a patch of land with various sized pumpkins just lying on ground waiting to be picked.

Daddy and Humf where on wheel barrow duty which was working out fine until Humf decided he could "manage" himself, think, up turned wheelbarrow immediately.  Then when we finally got down to the pumpkin patch the kids got pretty freaked out by the scarecrow, it was a shop floor mannequin with the most realistic eyes I have ever seen..even had veins running through them.!!! So once recovered from the scare from the scarecrow the kids all wandered off to pick their special pumpkin.  While Daddy and I looked on not really wanting to enter the quagmire, chatting away, Daddy notices Humf out of the corner of his eye and as I look round at what he's staring out, I see Humf pulling up his trousers...yes, he'd just wee'd in the pumpkin patch...nice !!  After this little episode, we hurriedly got the kids to choose their pumpkins and promptly wheel barrowed them back to the till in the hut, where we priced our pumpkins by their size.  Do they fit in the hole £1.50 £2.25 £3.50 up to £9 of course all our pumpkins where too big for the cheaper hole but not quite big enough for the more expensive ones but of course we had to pay the more expensive price anyway.  £20 on pumpkins !!! I so need to use these for food not just for Halloween faces, so shall be probably blogging later on in the month about all these fantastic pumpkin recipes I have found and we have all tried. Defiantly going to roast those seeds though, they are a serious yummy treat :-) 

I don't care if you think I'm fat

This is a subject that has been ruminating around my head for a few weeks now, basically how I feel about all the different aspects to what emotions and feelings are brought on by the "FAT" word.  I am a short woman, being short first a foremost, means, I can never been seen as truly elegant, only cute and sometime stylish (Kylie Monogue) and also a size 12 on a 5ft person looks chunkier than on 6ft person that's just a physics thing that can't be changed.  To be honest though my height has never bothered me, all the females in my family are 5ft and under, all the way back to my Great Grandmother they have all been strong working women and not one of them have been hindered by them being short. Now here's the other thing all 4 generations of these, strong, beautiful, loving super mums, who brought up their children and went to work and kept the kept the house going and we are talking over 100 years ago up to present, they have all been on the chunky side, including me.  So reason number 1 why I don't care if you think I am fat is, there are 3 women generational behind me that I have a massive amount of admiration and respect for just in my family that were, or are fat and it has made no difference to the of the quality of impact they have had on me and my future generation.  When I think about my grandmother, the first thing that doesn't spring to my mind, is OMG what a lard arse, I remember her amazing roast potatoes, and the warm smell of a roast cooking on a Sunday and the slapped wrist I'd get for trying to steal the scrapings from the roasting pan. I remember her long bright red painted nails and the ring of deep red lipstick on the end of her cigarette.  What I am saying is as a child and as a young adult when she died, never did I think, urgh I can't love you because you are fat. In fact in the last few months when she had been very ill, and had dropped loads of weight off I was actually freaked out by how fragile and frail she looked against the robust woman I'd known all my life. So there's the history of why I don't care, now for the present.  We as individuals are all built in a unique way, while the components may all be the same, the way they've been put together is totally different for each and everyone of us.  This is natures way of ensuring the genes we have from the 6 original Mums that gave us all life as the homosapins that we are today, get as widely dispersed between us as possible.  Therefore, no matter how hard I exercise, or diet or cosmetically change myself I will never "look" like the person I am aspiring to look like (my ideal look).  Fine you say, but what about looking the best you can look? I agree, that making an effort to wash yourself, keep your hair tidy and present yourself in clean clothes is a good thing.  What I don't agree with is the standard issue of if I was thinner I'd have more luck with, money, men, jobs, life. When those 6 original mums gave birth to us all, they weren't standing in front of a mirror, saying to one another, "ooh look I've gained 5lbs I look massive no one is going to want to shag me now" and all the mothers since that time.  Because I can almost guarantee we are the off spring of the great poor, unwashed, and unclothed masses, who still managed to get a bit of rumpy pumpy and pop out a good few sprogs.  You see what I am saying don't you. So reason number 2 of why I don't care if you think I am fat is, 3 kids, a whole lot of love in my life, a job that I love doing, a home of my dreams, beautiful friends around me and a loving, adoring partner who has always "wanted" me even though I'm a size 14 ie I'm doing alright for a fat bird. Then I sit back think about the bullying, nasty, spiteful nature of the superficial media constantly telling us only this particular image is beautiful, and we see our daughters looking at this stuff, being brain washed in to thinking that this is what beauty is when in actual fact beauty is just them.  Its just them, their very existence is a beautiful and amazing miracle.  From the moment their little hearts start beating in the womb, they are the most beautiful things on the planet.  But the media and in turn their teenage friends, all start the comparisons, they tell them they must look like this otherwise they will get nowhere.  They tell them what size they should be, what makeup they "have" to wear, how high their skirts should be otherwise no one will be their friend, no one will want them, they will be nothing, are nothing, if they don't look this certain way.  And this is my reason number 3 why I don't care if you think I am fat, I am showing my child another way, I proving to her daily that being a certain body shape does not mean you are going to win or fail at life. It doesn't in fact mean anything, and all this bullshit the media portrays is in the editors heads, its like the story of the emperors new clothes and somebody has got to hold their head up and say...WTF he's naked because that's all it is, nobody wants to admit they have got it all wrong these last 4 decades when that's exactly what has happened.  So daily I show her, I set an example, I work, I run the home, I look after her and her brothers, I have a partner and I have friends and I am happy, and that doesn't require me to being a size 6 and having all the stress of not eating and constant exercising to go with it.  I eat sensibly, I exercise in moderation and I enjoy my meals with my family.  I am healthy, and I make balanced healthy meals, take my kids out walking and keep our lifestyle active.  I do not need to beat myself up that I am damaging them in anyway because I am not, so what I'm not a size 6, I do know I am happy with exactly who I am and surely that is all that matters. So don't tell me you think I'm FAT because I just don't CARE what you think.

Autumn Picnic

So at the weekend we went for a picnic by the lake.  A totally impromptu decision as most of this families are.  The weather was beautiful and I didn't need to fuss about making sandwiches and taking mosquito repellent. We just grabbed a couple of sandwiches from the local supermarket and headed off for our walk. For once the kids didn't moan, while my boys are quite an active pair, to randomly walk somewhere, with no specific destination or reason, just seems utterly pointless to them. But with bellies full and giggles at ducks they were happy to just cruise along the path with us.  The photographers where quite out in force and for this I was very grateful as I could just pop over and see what they were looking at and grab a few shots for myself.  We stop by one lady who was taking a picture of a large group of thistles, not an interesting subject you may think, until she pointed out the enormous blue dragonfly perched quite contentedly on this spiky plant not bothered at all that we were all excited to see it up close.  Daddy could see "ole itching fingers" wanting to grab, shake or distract the bug so gave Humf a good sharp warning as the other photographer and I snapped away, while doing this Ninja decided to stick his oar in and give the thistle a good rustle.  We all gasped as the dragonfly flew away, and the sheer disappointment on all our faces must have hit him like a stone.  While I desperately try to apologise to the other photographer for my child's insensitive behaviour, Daddy took Ninja away and tried to explain to him why we were all so disappointed by what he'd done. Bless him when he finally recognised what he'd done, he pretty much fell apart, (that boy is far to much like me) and no amount of soothing words and it doesn't matters left him feeling any better.  The whole think before you act thing, we all have to learn at some point had got him good and proper.  We managed after a good 10 minutes of break your heart stuff like, why am I so stupid, why did I have to do it, why do I never listen. He finally calmed down and we carried on our walk round the lake to the play area. By this time whinge pants had given up being the good one (for a change) and had reverted back to normal state of, the one you have to watch like a hawk and was good and ready to cause some mischief.  Luckily the park wasn't too busy and he was pretty much left to himself to play on whatever he wanted without getting up anyone elses nose.  Why do they never want to leave, it always gets me how, it doesn't matter how long you stay in that play area, they always want 5 more minutes, sometimes I look at them and wonder what it feels like to be them, looking at all the things around me with my head whirling with imaginative adventures, instead of sitting there watching them panicking that they are going to fall and hurt themselves. In the end they finally got tired enough that they didn't complain to much when we said it was time to leave and as we walked back to the car we did a bug hunt and were very successful in our finds.

What do you expect? what do I expect?

Maybe its me, but sometimes my lack of understanding of the human psyche leaves me bewildered.  I have these days where I feel nothing is going right, that I'm never good enough, that I should just quit.  Then other days where everything falls in to place, the world is my oyster and I am totally untouchable.  My friends assure me that this is normal, everyone has these ups and downs days and I can certainly see it in other people when I look around me.  Teachers for instance you know when your kid comes out of school saying that their teacher spent the day shouting at everyone, you can pretty much guarantee that she was having "one of those days".  What I want to know is basically, how far can we as human beings push other human beings patience when we are having one of our "off" days.  Kids are brilliant at handling adults and their moods, yes your kid might be a bit upset coming out of school on a teachers particularly shouty day, but by the morning they would have pretty much forgotten Miss losing it because they didn't come in from playtime straight away, and will smile happily at Miss say good morning politely and eagerly want to show her some amazing thing they have brought in from home. While you as the adult and parent still feel like ripping her head off because she's traumatised your child.  So you see what I am saying, where in the growing up stage do we lose this ability to just let things go, when does the need to fight your corner, hold on to your feelings and emotional state become so important.  When do we decide we are justified just because we exist? Oh I know there are some arseholes in the world that put everybody back up just because they bully or blast their way through life not once considering the consequences of their actions, but then their are some children like that too and the other kids either put up with it or ignore the kid.  But when we the "normal" folk, the ones that always try to be polite, never cause a fuss and just want to be everyone friend.  When we lose the plot, how far do we expect our fellow human beings to cope with it.  Its only when us normal ones that finally lose it and go bizerk that anyone take notice of us.  So yes shooting into a crowded shopping centre at random people is not acceptable but surely the signs before this would have been there?  Surely someone would have noticed a seemingly normal person become a different one even if they were only little changes. My point is, when can I say to the rest of the world, I'm in a bad mood, I still love you I still want to be your friend, but I am just in a bad mood and they accept that without judgement or pain.  When can I be in a bad mood, and not smile politely at the girl serving me behind the counter and not feel guilty because I am now worried I will have offended her in anyway, when can I just be unreasonable, selfish, self centred and stubborn? I suppose the only real answer is I can't.  None of us can, can we, especially to the ones we love, because it will hurt them, and they are the last people that deserve that.  We can't allow ourselves to be swallowed up with our own emotions, thoughts and feelings because people expect us "normal" ones to behave in a certain way.  We can't be a Diva or a Rude person or a bitch, we can just be us.  We can however let go a little more, not to be better than the rest but to be better for ourselves.  We can take a lesson from the children, let go of the negativity that we get from others and face the new day with positivity. Allow others to release their emotions in an inappropriate or appropriate way, we don't need to rise to it, we don't need to fight our corner, or make our point.  We can just let it go, not because we don't care, but because we care very much.  If we let it go we can maybe help deal with the other persons issues and if they don't want that, then that's fine too, we can walk away from it with a clear conscience no guilt that we have added to whatever is giving them this emotional stress. So tomorrow I will take the example set by my children, I will accept that there will be people around me who are in a bad mood, whether they are close to my heart or not, but I won't let it crush me, I won't let it affect me, I will try to help because I am a caring person and I do want to help others, but if the help I offer is rejected I will not hold onto the feeling of hurt at the rejection I will just let it go, and walk away knowing I did all I could and that I should hold no guilt.  This will not make me a bad person, this will make me a person who wants to be in control over what goes on in her own head, who wants to be in control over what is important to her, and not allow others to control or try to damage her hard earned self esteem and respect and if others don't like it they don't need to be around it.  I am who I am, I get in to bad moods, I don't expect you to like it, but then I don't like yours either, but that is ok, because I am not going to hold on to it, I will help if I can but if I can't I can't. Life isn't easy for anyone and no one has the right to demand anything from anyone else (unless they are your children, then they can have every last thing you can give them) and no one needs to feel they aren't good enough, or worthy enough, or thankful to another person for their own existence. We are all equal and we are all beautiful.

The Wedding Photographer

Now I am no expert on the whole wedding thing.  I have had my own, I've been to a few, and now I have even been the photographer for a couple.  And each of these 3 perspectives has a completely different feel to them.  Oh some things are the same, people are generally happy at weddings, the bride and groom are always in a bit of a daze and grinning a lot, there's usually a gorgeously dressed baby who everyone coos over and the really old person that everyone is a bit nervous around. But having been the bride, the guest and the official photographer I think I am safe to say the latter is my favourite. Don't get me wrong I loved my wedding, but only because of who I was marrying, the party and the photos were additional.  The only important bit for me was the ceremony and the signing, after that it was more a party for everyone else, I'd done my bit. And its always nice when you get invited to a wedding, though I find the whole thing slightly stressful, trying to decide what to buy and how much to spend, then there's the whole dressing the part, shall we co-ordinate as a family or shall I just let the boys go in jeans and a t-shirt as they beg me not to have to wear a suit. Then there is the whole, are the children allowed to be there at all thing..In fact it always shocks me when I see an invite that expressly forbids you to bring your child.  Its at times like that I wonder why they invite people that have little ones if they are so anti them, or is this going to be some sort of X rated do that children shouldn't really be exposed too, who are these people ???? Then of course when you get there and you have to smile politely at people you don't really know, listen to tales of when you were little and you shat you're pants round Auntie Ethel's or worse still have random people who you met when you where in college who you really don't remember as you spent most of the time either pissed or stoned, greet you like you are BFF's and then they begin to tell you how amazing and wonderful it would be if you could get together for a drink to catch up, while all the time you are desperately trying to remember their name..Anyway my point is this being the "official" photographer allows you to still be at the wedding and get to see it and enjoy it, but nobody expects you to actually take part in any of it.  You can watch on the sidelines snapping away, catching treasured moments and secret whispers. People walk past you with an air of slight admiration and awe "so you are the one taking the all important photos, you must be good then" and they always eye the equipment sceptically like its going to jump up and bite them or somehow catch them doing something they shouldn't, but at the same time, panicking not to "hurt" any of it. So now at weddings I have authority, for a short time I get to boss the entire event around, people have to do as I say even the bride and groom and its all great. But my most favourite part of it all is capturing the other couples looking in to each others eyes reminiscing about their own wedding days. The little girls looking wondrously at the bride in her beautiful sparkling dress, the moment of the first kiss as a married couple and groom standing nervously waiting for the women of his dreams to be his forever. It is without doubt a magical event in our lives, and I am so happy I am getting to share it with so many good people, but kinda glad I'm not actually part of it bit like the Vicar really lol :-)

Ok Ok its September 2013

Yes yes, I know I haven't been here for a while again..but I am back and ready to take on the world.  Since we last spoke, the family has grown somewhat and not in that way !!.. We now encompass me, Big man, Mooki, Ninja, Humf and Dotty (my mum) which is ok as we have moved to a new house and this has given all of us our own space.  Living with your mother again brings new and fresh challenges in your life which you don't get when you bring a traditional new addition to the household.  While its a blessing I don't need to change her bum, or get up with her for night feeds, I do have to contend with the nit picking and general attitude of a teenager while not actually being a teenager, which at times can be slightly frustrating..But more than any of that excitement, my biggest news is that now I am a photographer..!! Yes you read right.  3 years of studying at college, exams taken and passed to be a qualified accountant and I have left the whole lot behind to pick up a camera.  Why you may ask ?? or you may not depending on whether you actually are vaguely interested in reading this blog. Well I lost one job in September and the other job I was doing (yes working two jobs, we've all been there at some point haven't we) I was made redundant from in November and that kind of thing, makes you take a look at your life and what you are doing with it.  When I thought about it, I mean really thought about it, I wasn't actually happy working in an office enviroment. I know lots of people do it, and love it.  They can cope with the office politics and the pretense of actually caring about their work colleagues while secretly stabbing them in the back.  But I couldn't, things would upset me and play on my mind.  I'd worry if I had offended or distressed and had none of the hardness that seemed to go with these middle aged women, who gossiped about others as if playing out an episode of Eastenders. So while wondering what I did actually enjoy the camera kept popping in to my head.  I'd been told by Bigman plenty of times that I could take a photo and it would frustrate him that I had shied away from taking them for far to long.  So with some of my redundancy money I purchased a camera and started badgering friends to be my practise models, which they kindly did.  Not a month into my happy snapping and a gorgeous lady approached me to help out with a charity calendar, which I more than happily agreed to and 10 months later after raising nearly £4000 for a cancer hospice, I am doing Weddings, Portraits, Boudoir and Family shoots and loving every minute of it. Here's one that won a Judge's favourite award.  If you want, you can have a look at a few more on my facebook page www.facebook.com/Yourlifeyourink the website is still  in the process of being built :-)