Lessons in love, the things the films don't teach us.

An open letter to the one I love

Where to begin, well one could almost start at my conception because my parents did love each but I think that might be a bit too far back. So I will start with the first heartbreak....

My daughter is 16 now this was the age I had my first serious boyfriend and we dated for 2 years.  If you ask me now why we were together for that long I couldn't for a second tell you but we were and inevitably as these things often do things fizzled out between us and we went our separate ways.  I then met a boy and fell "in love" again (well at least I thought I was in love) we were together 2 years, moved out and then 3 years later my eldest was born.  I was 23, not old but not excessively to young either.  At first glance we would have seemed a normal young couple with an adorable baby in tow.  We both had good jobs, a house with a mortgage and did everything normal families do spending lots of time with each others in laws, family holidays and nights on the sofa.  But as the years rolled by I realised this guy I was with, the father to my beautiful daughter wasn't who I thought he would be, I know this sometimes happens when couples have a baby.  There was no passion in our relationship, no spark or fire.  He was totally closed off with his feelings, never sharing moments with me.  I would look at our daughter and a rush of love would overcome me and I would kiss her all over, he would look at her and there was nothing but a blank stare.  Maybe he was too young to have kids, he never told me he loved me and he never told her either.  I got more and more depressed and lonely as time went on, no fairy tale for this 26 year old.

In the meantime a guy had started work at the place I worked at.  I didn't pay much attention to him at first, I was to busy with my little girl and feeling sorry for myself but then he came to work in the office where I was and for the first time since he'd started we actually had a chance to talk. In the first few weeks I found out we had lots of likes and dislikes in common but our lives were polar opposites of each other.  He went out partying every weekend and I was home with my baby, he still lived at home with his parents, I had a mortgage and in laws to deal with. So while we made each other laugh and we began to enjoy each others company there were a good few things about each other that the other one couldn't agree with (I should have seen the signs lol). Time went on and I started to enjoy going to work a hell of alot more, looking forward to catching the ten minutes chat with my new "friend" and slowing but surely we began the age old ritual of flirting.  

By the time I'd realised I had grown to have deep feelings for this guy, things at home for me where horrible and he'd also broken up with his long term girlfriend.  So in March 2001 I decided I had enough of trying to make it work with a guy who spent as little time with me and his daughter as possible and who would spend every night with his back turned away from me, I was 27 for god sake not 87 and still wanted a life. I left with a few possessions, the baby and the dog and went back to my mum's.  Within a week the "office guy" and I had our first date.  He told me afterwards that he'd spent a long time erming and arring about whether getting with me was really such a good idea, considering I was the bosses daughter and he was a mere lackey.

Within two months of us "dating" he went down on one knee and proposed and of course I immediately accepted, I knew I loved him, he was amazing with my daughter and they adored each other and he made me feel loved, wanted, interesting to talk to and worth spending time with.  We were married just 6 months after that first date (he wanted sooner but I wasn't going to rush my wedding day to much lol). We moved into our own home just days before the wedding and settled in to family life quickly.

I wish I could say its been a fairy tale ride since then, but nobody gives you a guide on how to love another person, we don't get taught it as part of the curriculum. Two further babies later though and I can honestly say we have made each other work for our love.  We have pushed each other to beyond our limits, to dark dark places and in to the arms of others but still the pull of those strings of love, the bonds that tied us first together are as strong as ever.  

And as each year, each month, each day that passes, we learn together, we grow together.  We still fight, that's normal, we still have vastly different opinions on things.  We still like to tell each other about new and interesting discoveries we've made.  I still hate admitting I am wrong and he is right, he still hates the way I find it hard to get myself motivated in the mornings or when I sound like my mother. He likes watching films, I like watching American cop shows but still when we talk to our children we talk with one voice (literally saying the exact same thing at the exact same time lol) We hold the same values, the same ideals, the same desire to allow our children to be the best they can be.  I've learnt how to be a an adult again rather than just a mum, I think he's found that refreshing, he's accepted there are parts of his life he hasn't dealt with in the best way possible and I respect him for that.  We still find each other sexy, we still find each other funny, we still respect each other and we can still feel like throttling each other at times but through all this I think I have finally learnt what it means to love another human being and to be loved by another human being and though its been a hard lesson to learn it has also been the most amazing, long may it last !!

I love you x

    

The Wedding Photographer

Now I am no expert on the whole wedding thing.  I have had my own, I've been to a few, and now I have even been the photographer for a couple.  And each of these 3 perspectives has a completely different feel to them.  Oh some things are the same, people are generally happy at weddings, the bride and groom are always in a bit of a daze and grinning a lot, there's usually a gorgeously dressed baby who everyone coos over and the really old person that everyone is a bit nervous around. But having been the bride, the guest and the official photographer I think I am safe to say the latter is my favourite. Don't get me wrong I loved my wedding, but only because of who I was marrying, the party and the photos were additional.  The only important bit for me was the ceremony and the signing, after that it was more a party for everyone else, I'd done my bit. And its always nice when you get invited to a wedding, though I find the whole thing slightly stressful, trying to decide what to buy and how much to spend, then there's the whole dressing the part, shall we co-ordinate as a family or shall I just let the boys go in jeans and a t-shirt as they beg me not to have to wear a suit. Then there is the whole, are the children allowed to be there at all thing..In fact it always shocks me when I see an invite that expressly forbids you to bring your child.  Its at times like that I wonder why they invite people that have little ones if they are so anti them, or is this going to be some sort of X rated do that children shouldn't really be exposed too, who are these people ???? Then of course when you get there and you have to smile politely at people you don't really know, listen to tales of when you were little and you shat you're pants round Auntie Ethel's or worse still have random people who you met when you where in college who you really don't remember as you spent most of the time either pissed or stoned, greet you like you are BFF's and then they begin to tell you how amazing and wonderful it would be if you could get together for a drink to catch up, while all the time you are desperately trying to remember their name..Anyway my point is this being the "official" photographer allows you to still be at the wedding and get to see it and enjoy it, but nobody expects you to actually take part in any of it.  You can watch on the sidelines snapping away, catching treasured moments and secret whispers. People walk past you with an air of slight admiration and awe "so you are the one taking the all important photos, you must be good then" and they always eye the equipment sceptically like its going to jump up and bite them or somehow catch them doing something they shouldn't, but at the same time, panicking not to "hurt" any of it. So now at weddings I have authority, for a short time I get to boss the entire event around, people have to do as I say even the bride and groom and its all great. But my most favourite part of it all is capturing the other couples looking in to each others eyes reminiscing about their own wedding days. The little girls looking wondrously at the bride in her beautiful sparkling dress, the moment of the first kiss as a married couple and groom standing nervously waiting for the women of his dreams to be his forever. It is without doubt a magical event in our lives, and I am so happy I am getting to share it with so many good people, but kinda glad I'm not actually part of it bit like the Vicar really lol :-)