Pathological Liars...Is it a disease of the mind?

I know its been a while again with this whole blogging thing but hubbie said something to me this weekend that has got me thinking and also wanting to discuss it a bit.

On this rare and treasured evening out without our darling children, where we were able to just talk, be together and say what we are thinking, he told me that one of the qualities of me he finds astounding is my ability to "just be me" in all situations.

With me he sees an honesty about who I am, I don't hide behind lies or masks I am me, take me as I am. He says this is a pure honesty when he sees me in social situations he sees me, Caroline, not a masked person hiding from who they really are, not the joker, or the aggressor, the loud one, the bubbly one, the one who thinks they are gods gift, the mutton dressed as lamb or the one who needs a few glasses of something to relax, he sees just me good or bad, boring or funny, the person he loves.

As I said before this got me thinking about all those people who front the world with a persona. Those who put on a mask and are so frightened of what people think of them they aren't even able to be honest with themselves. Because being honest with yourself is truly a hard thing to do and if you are constantly lying about who you are, being honest with yourself is even harder as you start to believe your own lies.

While I understand a lot of people live with this mask thing and 9 times out of 10 it does no harm, I worry about those who are so lost in their ability to recognise who they really are that reality actually slips and all that is left is the persona one that needs constant bolstering and investing in.

Think about it if you are constantly worrying about letting the mask slip you are actually not getting to enjoy life.  Never is this more apparent then the false worlds that are shown via social media the constant need for recognistion as it only seems "fair" that all this effort is going in to make this life seem so amazingly perfect others should admire, appreciate it or even envy it.  What happens when these needy people don't get the adulation they think they deserve, they of course go on the attack.

Liars whether it be outwardly to others around them or inwardly to themselves already have a slight bent towards creating fantasy lives, loves and realities. Social media is a perfect platform for this and mostly can carry on living in their virtual worlds harmlessly.  Those pathological liars, liars who've spent their entire lives living in their lies who get called out, shown up, humiliated even, are a dangerous bunch, willing to go to to extreme measures to have their thoughts and fantasies validated again.

They will attempt to drag anyone and everyone into their dark place to back up their own ideas their own internal thoughts to bring people into their webs so they can continue to hide from themselves because that is their true aim.  Spinning tales of fantasy, attacking those who don't accept it, creating further lies to reach those who aren't interested, all these tactics are used purely to bolster the constantly crumbling wall that they are using to protect themselves from essentially themselves.

Its like the caked on make up on the pretty woman, she has so little self worth, so little belief in herself and is so frightened that beneath it all, there is nothing there that anyone would be interested in.  The liars will pile on more and more lies, will work through every angle, try every avenue to bolster the wall and gain the recognition they think they deserve.  They will use tactics to try to worm their way into peoples lives they think they can manipulate to hold up their fantasy lives and will try to tear down anyone lives they perceive as a threat to their made up realities.

So my question is, is this a sickness, a mental illness, or are they just born this way? also how the hell do we keep ourselves away from them, protect our children from them and recognise one when it comes our way?
 

I don't care if you think I'm fat

This is a subject that has been ruminating around my head for a few weeks now, basically how I feel about all the different aspects to what emotions and feelings are brought on by the "FAT" word.  I am a short woman, being short first a foremost, means, I can never been seen as truly elegant, only cute and sometime stylish (Kylie Monogue) and also a size 12 on a 5ft person looks chunkier than on 6ft person that's just a physics thing that can't be changed.  To be honest though my height has never bothered me, all the females in my family are 5ft and under, all the way back to my Great Grandmother they have all been strong working women and not one of them have been hindered by them being short. Now here's the other thing all 4 generations of these, strong, beautiful, loving super mums, who brought up their children and went to work and kept the kept the house going and we are talking over 100 years ago up to present, they have all been on the chunky side, including me.  So reason number 1 why I don't care if you think I am fat is, there are 3 women generational behind me that I have a massive amount of admiration and respect for just in my family that were, or are fat and it has made no difference to the of the quality of impact they have had on me and my future generation.  When I think about my grandmother, the first thing that doesn't spring to my mind, is OMG what a lard arse, I remember her amazing roast potatoes, and the warm smell of a roast cooking on a Sunday and the slapped wrist I'd get for trying to steal the scrapings from the roasting pan. I remember her long bright red painted nails and the ring of deep red lipstick on the end of her cigarette.  What I am saying is as a child and as a young adult when she died, never did I think, urgh I can't love you because you are fat. In fact in the last few months when she had been very ill, and had dropped loads of weight off I was actually freaked out by how fragile and frail she looked against the robust woman I'd known all my life. So there's the history of why I don't care, now for the present.  We as individuals are all built in a unique way, while the components may all be the same, the way they've been put together is totally different for each and everyone of us.  This is natures way of ensuring the genes we have from the 6 original Mums that gave us all life as the homosapins that we are today, get as widely dispersed between us as possible.  Therefore, no matter how hard I exercise, or diet or cosmetically change myself I will never "look" like the person I am aspiring to look like (my ideal look).  Fine you say, but what about looking the best you can look? I agree, that making an effort to wash yourself, keep your hair tidy and present yourself in clean clothes is a good thing.  What I don't agree with is the standard issue of if I was thinner I'd have more luck with, money, men, jobs, life. When those 6 original mums gave birth to us all, they weren't standing in front of a mirror, saying to one another, "ooh look I've gained 5lbs I look massive no one is going to want to shag me now" and all the mothers since that time.  Because I can almost guarantee we are the off spring of the great poor, unwashed, and unclothed masses, who still managed to get a bit of rumpy pumpy and pop out a good few sprogs.  You see what I am saying don't you. So reason number 2 of why I don't care if you think I am fat is, 3 kids, a whole lot of love in my life, a job that I love doing, a home of my dreams, beautiful friends around me and a loving, adoring partner who has always "wanted" me even though I'm a size 14 ie I'm doing alright for a fat bird. Then I sit back think about the bullying, nasty, spiteful nature of the superficial media constantly telling us only this particular image is beautiful, and we see our daughters looking at this stuff, being brain washed in to thinking that this is what beauty is when in actual fact beauty is just them.  Its just them, their very existence is a beautiful and amazing miracle.  From the moment their little hearts start beating in the womb, they are the most beautiful things on the planet.  But the media and in turn their teenage friends, all start the comparisons, they tell them they must look like this otherwise they will get nowhere.  They tell them what size they should be, what makeup they "have" to wear, how high their skirts should be otherwise no one will be their friend, no one will want them, they will be nothing, are nothing, if they don't look this certain way.  And this is my reason number 3 why I don't care if you think I am fat, I am showing my child another way, I proving to her daily that being a certain body shape does not mean you are going to win or fail at life. It doesn't in fact mean anything, and all this bullshit the media portrays is in the editors heads, its like the story of the emperors new clothes and somebody has got to hold their head up and say...WTF he's naked because that's all it is, nobody wants to admit they have got it all wrong these last 4 decades when that's exactly what has happened.  So daily I show her, I set an example, I work, I run the home, I look after her and her brothers, I have a partner and I have friends and I am happy, and that doesn't require me to being a size 6 and having all the stress of not eating and constant exercising to go with it.  I eat sensibly, I exercise in moderation and I enjoy my meals with my family.  I am healthy, and I make balanced healthy meals, take my kids out walking and keep our lifestyle active.  I do not need to beat myself up that I am damaging them in anyway because I am not, so what I'm not a size 6, I do know I am happy with exactly who I am and surely that is all that matters. So don't tell me you think I'm FAT because I just don't CARE what you think.