I don't care if you think I'm fat

This is a subject that has been ruminating around my head for a few weeks now, basically how I feel about all the different aspects to what emotions and feelings are brought on by the "FAT" word.  I am a short woman, being short first a foremost, means, I can never been seen as truly elegant, only cute and sometime stylish (Kylie Monogue) and also a size 12 on a 5ft person looks chunkier than on 6ft person that's just a physics thing that can't be changed.  To be honest though my height has never bothered me, all the females in my family are 5ft and under, all the way back to my Great Grandmother they have all been strong working women and not one of them have been hindered by them being short. Now here's the other thing all 4 generations of these, strong, beautiful, loving super mums, who brought up their children and went to work and kept the kept the house going and we are talking over 100 years ago up to present, they have all been on the chunky side, including me.  So reason number 1 why I don't care if you think I am fat is, there are 3 women generational behind me that I have a massive amount of admiration and respect for just in my family that were, or are fat and it has made no difference to the of the quality of impact they have had on me and my future generation.  When I think about my grandmother, the first thing that doesn't spring to my mind, is OMG what a lard arse, I remember her amazing roast potatoes, and the warm smell of a roast cooking on a Sunday and the slapped wrist I'd get for trying to steal the scrapings from the roasting pan. I remember her long bright red painted nails and the ring of deep red lipstick on the end of her cigarette.  What I am saying is as a child and as a young adult when she died, never did I think, urgh I can't love you because you are fat. In fact in the last few months when she had been very ill, and had dropped loads of weight off I was actually freaked out by how fragile and frail she looked against the robust woman I'd known all my life. So there's the history of why I don't care, now for the present.  We as individuals are all built in a unique way, while the components may all be the same, the way they've been put together is totally different for each and everyone of us.  This is natures way of ensuring the genes we have from the 6 original Mums that gave us all life as the homosapins that we are today, get as widely dispersed between us as possible.  Therefore, no matter how hard I exercise, or diet or cosmetically change myself I will never "look" like the person I am aspiring to look like (my ideal look).  Fine you say, but what about looking the best you can look? I agree, that making an effort to wash yourself, keep your hair tidy and present yourself in clean clothes is a good thing.  What I don't agree with is the standard issue of if I was thinner I'd have more luck with, money, men, jobs, life. When those 6 original mums gave birth to us all, they weren't standing in front of a mirror, saying to one another, "ooh look I've gained 5lbs I look massive no one is going to want to shag me now" and all the mothers since that time.  Because I can almost guarantee we are the off spring of the great poor, unwashed, and unclothed masses, who still managed to get a bit of rumpy pumpy and pop out a good few sprogs.  You see what I am saying don't you. So reason number 2 of why I don't care if you think I am fat is, 3 kids, a whole lot of love in my life, a job that I love doing, a home of my dreams, beautiful friends around me and a loving, adoring partner who has always "wanted" me even though I'm a size 14 ie I'm doing alright for a fat bird. Then I sit back think about the bullying, nasty, spiteful nature of the superficial media constantly telling us only this particular image is beautiful, and we see our daughters looking at this stuff, being brain washed in to thinking that this is what beauty is when in actual fact beauty is just them.  Its just them, their very existence is a beautiful and amazing miracle.  From the moment their little hearts start beating in the womb, they are the most beautiful things on the planet.  But the media and in turn their teenage friends, all start the comparisons, they tell them they must look like this otherwise they will get nowhere.  They tell them what size they should be, what makeup they "have" to wear, how high their skirts should be otherwise no one will be their friend, no one will want them, they will be nothing, are nothing, if they don't look this certain way.  And this is my reason number 3 why I don't care if you think I am fat, I am showing my child another way, I proving to her daily that being a certain body shape does not mean you are going to win or fail at life. It doesn't in fact mean anything, and all this bullshit the media portrays is in the editors heads, its like the story of the emperors new clothes and somebody has got to hold their head up and say...WTF he's naked because that's all it is, nobody wants to admit they have got it all wrong these last 4 decades when that's exactly what has happened.  So daily I show her, I set an example, I work, I run the home, I look after her and her brothers, I have a partner and I have friends and I am happy, and that doesn't require me to being a size 6 and having all the stress of not eating and constant exercising to go with it.  I eat sensibly, I exercise in moderation and I enjoy my meals with my family.  I am healthy, and I make balanced healthy meals, take my kids out walking and keep our lifestyle active.  I do not need to beat myself up that I am damaging them in anyway because I am not, so what I'm not a size 6, I do know I am happy with exactly who I am and surely that is all that matters. So don't tell me you think I'm FAT because I just don't CARE what you think.

A little bit fat

So Ninja went on a school trip yesterday to Twin Lakes fun park.  He wasn't in a particularly talky mood when he got back at 5pm and by the time dinner was over and cleared away he'd already taken himself off to bed and was fast asleep.  Not wanting to be a nag I didn't push him for details of his day at the fun park this morning, I'm sure he had a lovely time at anyway and I knew eventually he started to tell me about it.  He did but it wasn't what I was expecting bless him.  "Mummy, ***** sang a song on the way home about you being fat", he then proceed to give me a rendition. Right, exactly which way should I go with this one then ??? So firstly I took the, "well that's not a very nice thing to say" approach but that always comes across a bit of a cop out when I hear people saying it to their children so I decided to tackle it another way.  I asked him if it upset him, to which he said it did, it had made him cry a bit and he'd also told another friends mum. The friends mum had had words with them both but Ninja still felt a little bit sore about it all.  So then I said I wasn't upset about it and it is a bit true anyway so what does it matter. Then I asked Ninja if it made me a nice person what I looked like and he said "no, and anyway I like you soft and squidgy to cuddle, I wouldn't like it if you were all hard and bony" and with that we decided that actually it didn't matter what someone said about me or himself its what we thought of ourselves that matters and that as long as we treat each other right we will always be a happy family. I also said that next time someone says something like that about me that he should just tell them, that is why my mummy is the best mummy in the world lol
 
 

Sideways doesn't really work for me

I am in constant blissful ignorance of how fat I have become until I turn sideways. What happen to the washboard figure of yest er year is there any real point me living in the fantasy world that one day once again I will no longer be deeper than I am wider. I think I need to go back to looking at me, head on then I will be spending far to much time cringing at the state of my hair, skin and bags under my eyes that I don't have to worry about how rotund I am. On a bizarre note, experienced a very surreal grocery shopping trip today not only did I see many thigh length booted clad women (In Asda !!) on a Sunday, do they have no decorem ?? L0l but I saw my first aisle of Easter Eggs...Now I maybe being alittle churlish but ISN'T it abit bloody early !! We haven't even got passed Valentines Day, Mothering Sunday and most importantly MY Birthday ! at this rate I shall be receiving unwanted piles of chocolate for presents. I am still detoxing from the Christmas deluge of massive amounts of gooey goodness. Surely when everyone is harping on so alarmingly about the need for us to eat more healthy putting Easter Eggs in full view of sugar nutted children from JAN 30th should be banned. Its online shopping from now on until after Easter otherwise my kids will end up turning into Augustus Gloop.

Wow I'm tired

Up last night at various points thanks to baby's temperature being in the scary highs again. I live in the knowledge that when he is older his constitution will be strong as an oxo as he would have already had every cold and flu virus going !! He's not a quiet ill baby either he likes to make sure everyone is very well aware that he is not feeling well and that everyone else should suffer with him. I am sympathetic but it is very draining and sometimes it takes all my motherly will power not to tell him "its only a bloody cold". To top off my restless night with him, I receive an email from my Dad, no less, recommending me to read a book called "how to lose the fat around your middle" I am mortified not only am I not on any sort of particular diet unless you count diet pepsi and chocolate all day but I hadn't even vaguely mentioned to him that I was unhappy with the way I currently look. What a bloody cheek !! I will have a few choice words to say to him next time I see him I can tell you. To be honest I have totally given up on the idea of regaining any sort of figure since the face has gone so down hill I can't see the point...You may have the body of the green goddess but it your face looks like its been hit by a bus you just might as well stay indoors..behind the pc..!! Hhhmmm now you know why I am here !! LOL