Too much, too little where do I find the balance....

Everyone goes on and on about parenting a teenager and how difficult it is. How their child becomes alien to them and how they can't communicate with their child and to be honest I always thought this was a bit of an exaggeration.  Well damn and blast haven't I come to the conclusion that no, really, it is that bad.  I so don't want to become one of those do as I say or else kind of parents but it feels as if she is trying to back me in to a corner to make it happen and then, just like that, she does something wonderful or makes a gesture of love which leaves me there stood still with the knowledge and feeling of well being that something is getting through.

I tell you there is nothing more scary than "officials" deciding if you are a good parent. With the split in Jan and the nature of it, the courts have taken an interest in the welfare of my children.  Its horrible and scary and while the rational side of my brain sees the logic and appreciates what is happening, the mummy in me is screaming.  If you knew me well, you'd know my children are my life and that I would never ever do anything detrimental to them.  But sifting through the massive amount of parent advise I am finding it difficult to ascertain what is best for them.  On the one hand I am being told that ideally children benefit from two parents and that contact with the father should be encouraged and he should be involved but on the other hand I have the courts telling me to hold fire they want to do assessments first.  Then there is the pressure he is placing on the children, telling them its my fault he can't see them and that I could make it all better.  Why would he do this?  He was there when the Judge made his order but for some twisted reason of his own he wants to try and drive a wedge between the kids and I. Telling the 6 year old "don't worry boy they can't keep us apart forever, just keep telling mummy you want to go to the park with me".  I then have to spend half an hour explaining that none of this situation is our fault and if there is anyone to blame its daddy for not being able to control himself.  What am I suppose to do? There is no way I am going to do anything that might jeopardise the powers that be's faith in me as a parent and I have been told on no uncertain terms that the contact stays as it is for the time being.  In the meantime Mr I have rights and I want to see my kids, has raised concerns over my parenting skills but is still not providing any regular maintenance for the children and doesn't seemed bothered by the fact that he isn't helping to keep a roof over their heads.  Does he seriously think that someone who has a pending criminal trial on his head would be given custody of his children? does he want the kids to go in to care? The kids themselves in the meantime are growing up happy, healthy and confident in this single parent family.  Everyone who spends time with has remarked on how well they are getting on and how much more settled they seem.  They are looking forward to their well deserved time off over the summer and I plan to do lots of things with them, just hope we start getting some decent weather.

Anyway sorry for ranting, still trying to get things off my chest.  Its going to be a long process and unfortunately this is one of my ways of venting. I will try for a happier post soon, I promise..! xx

Teenager Daughters, The Royal Wedding and Blogging in the Garden.

Wow feeling super mega privileged to be blogging in the early evening warmth out in the garden watching one naked son spray the newly planted shrubs and himself, while other son is getting himself temptingly close to the hose then running screaming when his big brother goes to get him. Its at times like this that I realise how good it is to be alive and how lucky I am to be me. That no matter what life has thrown at me over the years (no more than others and probably a good bit less than some) I'm still standing and that I am actually making it. I feel like I have been holding my breath since forever and that now I am finally able to breath.

The scary teenager brought her interim report home today. This was the first time in ages that she volunteer to give it to me rather than leaving it in her bag for several weeks until I finally came across it. Rightly so she was proud of her report. It shows that even though she is also going through a rough period in her life she is actually doing very well. Pretty much on target for attaining the high levels that were anticipated for her at the beginning of the year and in some cases planning to exceed them. Her life is racing ahead whether she or I are ready for it or not. This September she will be heading for High School with all that entails (boys being my main concern lol) but also her GCSE choices and her reaching adulthood. As long as she is happy to have me at her side (well probably standing alittle behind her as mums can be so embarrassing) I will be content in the knowledge that I am doing something right.

She has asked me to start blogging more about her as she was so impressed with me being asked to write a review for a toddler cup that she wants me to start talking about hair extension and make up alot more. Clearly no hidden agenda there then. But should anyone like me to do a review on their latest make up range or false nails she has told me she will happily oblige in trying and testing them for me.

On another note, quite excited about the Royal Wedding if only for the fact that its seems to have brought out the neighbours need to suddenly get to know one another. As usual not a social event that involves the neighbours can go by with out Ninja wanting to take part. So I have confirmed to the street party organisers that we will be in attendance for the big day. Bless, they texted back to say thank you and that they will keep me posted on who will be coming, for some reason this has somehow made me feel I am involved with the organising and should take some responsibility for attending numbers, cue ringing around for moral support. As I live so close to where the party is taking place I am wondering if I should have an open house for the day to let people come and watch the ceremony as and when they want to. Can I be that hospitable? erm I'll have to chew over that one.

Just a quick footnote where did a sudden and passionatly unreasonable fear of spiders arise from in my baby son. I have bravely faced massive spiders without screaming in a vain attempt to not pass on any bad vibes and its not worked, he is even more scared of them than I am now !! how did that happen ??

Top ten countdown of things you might do that will annoy your teenage daughter

10. Try to sing along to have favourite song of the moment (well you have heard sooo many times coming through the bedroom door)

9. Tell her, her skirt is too short and she needs thicker tights.

8. Not notice she's had her hair cut with Nanny.

7. Not notice she's just dyed her hair again.

6. Not notice her hair.

5. Tell her your not sure how to do geometry anymore as it was quite a long time ago that you did it at school.

4. Ask her to make you a cup of tea.

And the top three are................

3. Ask her to tidy up her room.

2. Post a comment under her status on facebook.

1. Walk in to the bathroom, while she's having a shower and say "Ooo I love that bum"

I'm going to get in to trouble for posting this aren't I? Oh well I'm sure I'll be adding more to the list anyway ;0)

Some daughters do have them.......

Mum came to stay with me for a week. I was expecting her to come up for a night but for some reason she decided that, no, she was staying longer to "help" me with the kids and housework. While a little perturbed that she hadn't mentioned this plan on the phone when she told me she was coming to see me, I was still grateful for the extra pair of hands that was winging its way to me forthwith.

I swear its like having another demanding teenager in the house when she visits and a fairly bossy one at that. I love my mum to pieces but she drives me up the friggin wall. Its all the niggly things that the kids do that I have learnt to accept and ignore (well they are my children) she moans about and then she does something equally annoying niggly. For instance she'll moan that the kids have left their cups of juice where they might get spilt and then leaves her teacups on my bookshelf or on the mantel piece for me to take to the sink and wash up. She'll reorganise my washing trying to be helpful and mix up my pile of non-ironing and ironing. She likes the living room curtains open, hubbie likes them closed. The childrens tv should go off at bedtime, the kids go to sleep with them on. ( i secretly agree with her on that one, but would never admit it to her).

As the family situation stands I would have her live with us in a heartbeat as she gets treated very badly by her husband and she deserves so much better than him, though I think I would need constant therapy to get through the weeks.

I know there are so many benefits to having the older generation around you and the kids. My kids love her and would love to have her around more often and its also lovely for me to be able to talk to her about anything and everything and know she can't help but see things from my point of view. She's a brave loving woman who gets a little bit het up over the small things in life but I suppose I wouldn't have her any other way......