Meeting my mother-in-law again, teaching me about alzheimers and dementia

Through no fault of anyone really but through circumstances I haven't had very much contact with my kids Nanny on their Dads side.  A little dot of a woman, who in my memory of her when him & I first got together was fiercely protective of her family and very proud of her kids. She always struck me as someone not to mess with, but if she accepted you she'd be as welcoming and loving as if you were her own flesh and blood. 

Now this woman, who'd worked all her life, who had a wicked sense of humour and a sharp eagle eyed brain, came to visit us for the first time in 3 years. Hubbie had told me that she was suffering with Alzheimer's and dementia and over the last few years it had really taken its toll.  He warned me that she might not know who I am or that she might say something inappropriate so I was fairly apprehensive about the visit.

Having heard about Alzheimer's from the media and from friends who work in the elderly care industry, I knew that she might become quite upset if she felt lost or she didn't comprehend what was happening around her which is totally understandable.  I was worried that the kids would freak her out, or not be gentle and frighten her with their loud boyish behaviour.  She is very very fragile, being very underweight but apart from needing to bulk up a bit she is surprisingly fit ( well maybe not surprising, she has good strong Irish genes running through her core ).  

Anyway I really didn't need to worry about any of these things.  After the long journey up Hubbie brought her in to the house and while she looked tired, she immediately gave me a massive cuddle, and said "I haven't seen you for such a long time Caroline" I nearly burst into tears there and then.

We settled her in with a cup of tea, I put her slippers on for her and the kids settled down next to her on the sofa.  For the next few hours we talked, drank tea and smoked cigarettes (in the garden).  Rather than being overwhelmed by being in a strange environment she seemed to relish it, constantly remarking on how lovely the house is, rather than not remembering who I was, it was if I had seen her last week with the warmth and friendship still strong. The children adored being with her and she in turn was gentle and calm with them, watching them playing and commenting on how like their father they are at the same age (like we all didn't know lol) 

I found her a proud woman still, wanting to be productive and feeling apologetic when I would help her, though I constantly told her it was my pleasure.  She couldn't quite remember the names of all our animals though to be fair I have trouble sometimes, but she would ask their names when she'd forgotten them as it seemed knowing this was important. Sometimes I would look at her and she seemed lost in thought which maybe she was, but she would come round quite quickly when she saw a familiar face which I was grateful mine was one of them. There was none of the aggression that I had read about, and I tried to involve her with all the conversations that were going on, asking her opinion or her advice, or asking her to draw on a memory from long ago.  We talked of Hubbies dad and how she always wishes him a goodnight still, and the day he left our lives. I told her I think he's been to visit since then and that pleased her.

So for me it seemed for the most part she was lucid, engaged and involved with the family and not this distant vacant shell of a person I was worried I would find.  For the most part she was still my mother in law of old. But sometimes, when she got tired, or when the kids had got too much, she seemed to lose herself, and where she was, the confusion clouded her face but I would spot this quickly, draw her attention and engage her again and this seemed to help a great deal.

It was a lovely 2 days, and I was extremely proud of how the kids fussed and showered Nanny with affection, sometimes to the point it left her speechless.  We all agreed that the trip had been a success and that Nanny was to definitely come and stay again,  hopefully her second visit will be as successful, as she's already mentioned a BBQ in the summer and I suggested a little walk round our lovely town as well for next time.

We don't have links to the past for long and I am just so glad we've still got enough time for the children to benefit from both Nanny's and to get to know both sides of their heritage, she also allows me a little look into where my Hubbie comes from too :-).

Roll on the next visit, though will remind Hubbie to bring her coat with next time bless her and I will make sure there is lots of bacon in lol !!!

Sun is shining weather is sweet.........

I did it...for the last 2 school days I have actually walked to school for pick up time.  Helped by the glorious sunshine and the fact Humf has discovered a new love for sitting in his buggy, I was spurred into action.  Now you may think this is nothing to get excited about but if I tell you I haven't done the walking thing in over a year and its actually a mile up hill all the way back you might be slightly more impressed.  I had people stopping me on the street asking if they had been warped in to another dimension as they couldn't believe I was actually using my legs and it feels really good to be doing it with add bonus of avoiding the ice cream truck at the park and its toning flabby bum cheeks.

So other things on the change cards go that I am finally attempting to tackle my awful skin, I can't quiet believe I have gone from just washing my face with water to blackhead clearer, toner, spot cream and then a tinted moisturiser all in the vein attempt to claw back a little of the once ok skin I had.  Not sure if its working but that also certainly makes me feels more positive towards myself. (well at least I am able to bring myself to look in the mirror again) Anna very kindly tried to tame my eyebrows for me and has them at least looking slightly less bushy and I have requested a lady shaver as one of my birthday gifts (not sure which of the kids is planning to give it to me yet though lol)

Tomorrow will be the first birthday I have spent as a single woman in about 20 yrs so will probably feel alittle strange, but to be honest its not frightening me at all, in fact I am looking forward to just letting my kids wish me a happy birthday give me their personal handmade cards and not putting any pressure on. I think I might treat us all to takeaway tomorrow if mooki doesn't feel like cooking and I will promise myself not to do any housework for that one day.  Bless my eldest has really stressed over getting me my presents, not only because she has no access to money, travel or anything else but she is still only 13 and felt the responsibility of having to buy birthday presents from her and her brothers for me very much.  In the end she has been so happy with what she chose for me that she has been busting to tell me ever since she bought it and at times getting grumpy because she can't tell me lol.

Friday night the girls are coming over, I have bought 12 cans of red bull and I am planning to buy some vodka to go with it. I am not a drinker by any means I don't even have a hollow little finger but I thought sod it.  My friends have been amazing to me over the last couple of months and its just a chance of saying a small thank you in return.  So I plan to get them drunk and then play silly party games with them while taking lots of pictures then threaten to put them on the Internet if they ever piss me off. See I am a nice person honest..!!! May have to purchase Grease singstar as I quiet fancy belting out "hopelessly devoted to you" "and you're the one that I want" I'm sure the neighbours will be fine about it.

Saturday I am going to see a medium, who apparently is very good.  I am not entirely sure what being good is but I suppose I will find out.  The only other time I  have done something like this was when I was alot younger and then my Grandmother and Grandfather came through for me and the experience did leaving me feeling reassured if just a little disappointed that my dad hadn't "contacted" me.  I know this kind of thing people can have very strong views about negative and positive and to be honest I am still alittle on the fence about the whole thing myself but I have made a promise to me that from now on I am not going to just say no to things because they are new or I don't understand them. 

For now, "no" isn't really a word I want in my vocabulary while I absolutely refuse anything that could in any way harm the children or myself I am prepared to be more open minded and open hearted with new experiences. At 36 (aahh 37 tomorrow) I feel like I have barely scratched the surface in human experience and its time to cram some stuff in before I pop this mortal coil.

Mother vs Grandmother

Within hours of breaking up from school, my daughter was hankering to get down to London to stay with her Nan.  While I suppose I could take offence to the fact she couldn't wait to get away from me, I have to admit that at 13 the chance to get out of any household chores and having access to Nanny's time (and money) is probably too tempting to resist.

Nanny lives in Hampstead one of the cooler parts of town, where there are plenty of top rate fashion shops and a good chance of some star spotting.  Their normal day together consists of breakfast out in one of the classy cafes, a stroll up the high street and into office, gap, jane norman and a few exclusive independents and then a hairdressing appointment at the excellent and charming Japanese hairdressers where daughter is treated to 2 hours worth of pampering.  A normal day at home usually consists of me moaning at her about her room, doing he homework or hovering downstairs for me. Seriously how can I compete ??

Normally I take her desire to be away from me as soon as any school holidays starts with a pinch of salt.  But for some reason this time when she told me she's only planning to be home for Christmas and then she was going back down again, it hurt alittle.  Even with that I have let it go with good grace right up until the point she sent me a picture of the new shoes my mum has just bought her.  Yes they are lace ups and look quiet sturdy but they have a 4" high heel.  No way are they shoes suitable for my 13 year old especially as she wants to wear them "all the time" and the thing that annoys me most is that my mother would never have bought me those kind of shoes at her age so why the hell does she think its acceptable to buy them for my daughter.

I haven't really spoken to either of them about how strongly I feel as falling out with both of them isn't something I would want on my agenda. But I would very much like to ask my Mum why did she do it?

Putting that to one side for the moment this weekend has been one of not doing very much, which I am enjoying immensely, hopefully while I know next weekend will be busy I am hoping it will have the same relaxing feel to it that this one has.

Its the last few days now and I am hoping everyone is feeling stress free and looking forward to Saturday. xxx