Meeting my mother-in-law again, teaching me about alzheimers and dementia

Through no fault of anyone really but through circumstances I haven't had very much contact with my kids Nanny on their Dads side.  A little dot of a woman, who in my memory of her when him & I first got together was fiercely protective of her family and very proud of her kids. She always struck me as someone not to mess with, but if she accepted you she'd be as welcoming and loving as if you were her own flesh and blood. 

Now this woman, who'd worked all her life, who had a wicked sense of humour and a sharp eagle eyed brain, came to visit us for the first time in 3 years. Hubbie had told me that she was suffering with Alzheimer's and dementia and over the last few years it had really taken its toll.  He warned me that she might not know who I am or that she might say something inappropriate so I was fairly apprehensive about the visit.

Having heard about Alzheimer's from the media and from friends who work in the elderly care industry, I knew that she might become quite upset if she felt lost or she didn't comprehend what was happening around her which is totally understandable.  I was worried that the kids would freak her out, or not be gentle and frighten her with their loud boyish behaviour.  She is very very fragile, being very underweight but apart from needing to bulk up a bit she is surprisingly fit ( well maybe not surprising, she has good strong Irish genes running through her core ).  

Anyway I really didn't need to worry about any of these things.  After the long journey up Hubbie brought her in to the house and while she looked tired, she immediately gave me a massive cuddle, and said "I haven't seen you for such a long time Caroline" I nearly burst into tears there and then.

We settled her in with a cup of tea, I put her slippers on for her and the kids settled down next to her on the sofa.  For the next few hours we talked, drank tea and smoked cigarettes (in the garden).  Rather than being overwhelmed by being in a strange environment she seemed to relish it, constantly remarking on how lovely the house is, rather than not remembering who I was, it was if I had seen her last week with the warmth and friendship still strong. The children adored being with her and she in turn was gentle and calm with them, watching them playing and commenting on how like their father they are at the same age (like we all didn't know lol) 

I found her a proud woman still, wanting to be productive and feeling apologetic when I would help her, though I constantly told her it was my pleasure.  She couldn't quite remember the names of all our animals though to be fair I have trouble sometimes, but she would ask their names when she'd forgotten them as it seemed knowing this was important. Sometimes I would look at her and she seemed lost in thought which maybe she was, but she would come round quite quickly when she saw a familiar face which I was grateful mine was one of them. There was none of the aggression that I had read about, and I tried to involve her with all the conversations that were going on, asking her opinion or her advice, or asking her to draw on a memory from long ago.  We talked of Hubbies dad and how she always wishes him a goodnight still, and the day he left our lives. I told her I think he's been to visit since then and that pleased her.

So for me it seemed for the most part she was lucid, engaged and involved with the family and not this distant vacant shell of a person I was worried I would find.  For the most part she was still my mother in law of old. But sometimes, when she got tired, or when the kids had got too much, she seemed to lose herself, and where she was, the confusion clouded her face but I would spot this quickly, draw her attention and engage her again and this seemed to help a great deal.

It was a lovely 2 days, and I was extremely proud of how the kids fussed and showered Nanny with affection, sometimes to the point it left her speechless.  We all agreed that the trip had been a success and that Nanny was to definitely come and stay again,  hopefully her second visit will be as successful, as she's already mentioned a BBQ in the summer and I suggested a little walk round our lovely town as well for next time.

We don't have links to the past for long and I am just so glad we've still got enough time for the children to benefit from both Nanny's and to get to know both sides of their heritage, she also allows me a little look into where my Hubbie comes from too :-).

Roll on the next visit, though will remind Hubbie to bring her coat with next time bless her and I will make sure there is lots of bacon in lol !!!

He's not ill he's old, and is sugar free actually better?

Ok today has been quite a harrowing day which started a few weeks, even a few months ago.  My dog, the one who has seen my through two ex's now and has been a patient companion to 3 babies pulling and tugging at his tail, 3 toddlers using him as pull along toy and 3 kids moaning at him for sniffing their food is  approaching his 16th year.  And I suppose with some understanding he has slowed down an awful lot.  No more does he bound up to you upon opening the front door and shower you with hugs (yes literally, he used to hug people) and kisses, in fact most of the time he doesn't actually notice you coming in.  But with all this my 90+ year old pal still makes it up the stairs, still has the patience of an angel when it comes to the kids and still wants to steal that juicy bit of steak that you conveniently left on your plate. I appreciate that he won't last for ever but increasingly have been getting pressure from various people who love and care for me that maybe it might be Jake's time.  So I relented under the pressure and summoned the courage to take him to the vets.  2pm my appointment was for, so for most of the day I spent the time crying, making a fuss of him and even went as far as to text the first ex (I bought the dog originally for him) to tell him what was going on and miracles upon miracles even he was sympathetic and offered his condolence. When we split there was some debate as to who was going to have custody of the dog and for practical reasons it was decided that he would be better off staying with me.  As it got closer to the allotted time my sadness deepened, for while I was convinced that actually he wasn't that bad everyone else was convinced otherwise.  I had to drag him to the car, he yelped as I put him in and all the time I kept thinking about how this might be his last few minutes on the earth and look what I was putting him through.  When we got to the vets he was actually quite excited (he really doesn't get out much these days) and so I let him have a good wander and sniff around the place and then with a hung head went into the surgery.  We were told to take a seat and wait while the vet finished with the previous appointment. A very sad looking woman came out with an empty cat basket and the lady behind the reception desk while handing her a bill for over £300 pounds said that she was very sorry for her loss.  This was not going well and I tried to cover Jake's ears. We were called in and I was asked if I had made my mind up to which I said most definitely not and that I wanted him checked over first.  I think the vet was a bit relieved.  The nurse walked in with a horrible looking needle full up with stuff and was hastily told to leave as that wouldn't be necessarily be needed.  By this point Jake had realised that this wasn't a pleasure trip and quite frankly didn't want the vet anywhere near him.  How do they know that's a vet, he isn't scared of anybody apart from vets and I don't know about you but to me they look just like everyone else.  Anyway the vet gave him a good examination asked me if he was still eating? does he cough? is he still getting about? all of which I answered truthfully with a yes, no and a yes and his verdict came back with a..he's doing remarkably well for a dog of his advanced years and fundamentally there seemed nothing wrong with him.  I was amazed and over joyed.  As far as the vet was concerned the dog was in noway suffering and there was absolutely no good reason why he would have to be put down. In fact he went as far as to say would you put a 90+ year old man to sleep just because his joints were alittle bit stiff in the morning and he wasn't quite as steady on his feet anymore. No painkillers, no steroid jabs in fact nothing at all to increase his profits by adding to my expense (ex no 2 always maintained vets where only there to make money).  So it cost me £24.95 to put my mind at ease that the dog was not ill just old and now I can truthfully say to all those who think I maybe keeping him going for my own selfish reasons, that in fact no, he is a very fit 90+ year old well as fit as he as can be expected. Tonight he has bounded in from the garden, stolen Humfs burger off his plate and annoyed the cat and I have never been happier :0)

Just as a little side note to this post, but its been bugging the hell out of me for ages. You know all this sugar free stuff that is full of fake sugar does anyone know if that stuff is actually worse for kids than natural sugar?