Its not me, its you....

The house is quiet, the washing & dishwasher are on and I am sat here looking through my photos when this over whelming urge to rant has come over me.  So sorry bloggerasphere as you are my ranting forum here goes.

Have you ever heard of the type of people that will push their thoughts, feelings and insecurities on to others so they don't have to actually accept them and deal with them themselves?  

I cannot stand it when people, who have no clue what my life is like or walk in my shoes, who quite frankly don't even know me, think they can pass judgement or make assumptions about me.  These people are of course oblivious to the obvious short comings of their own self’s and prefer rather than having to look at the harsh reality that is their failures in life, instead choose to find ways to poke holes in and criticise everybody else’s. Then on top of that try to make out that somehow it’s actually you doing the criticising and poking holes in to their lives.  Like somehow they are the victims and if only you would leave them alone it would be fine.

It seems that no matter what I post on Twitter someone will continually take it as a personal attack on themselves.  I mean how conceited can you be to assume my posting a picture of my kids or mentioning a day out planned is only to "hurt" and "aggrieved" another person who has nothing to do with my life.  How can someone who doesn't know me who hasn't ever been in my life continually accuse me of lying about the things that have happened to me.  To then take those same things and judge me as a failure as a person and as a mother because I allowed them to happen.  To then also accuse me of making my life in to a fairy tale of blissful happiness, to then attack my appearance, to call me names, to belittle my feelings and then to accuse me of playing victim and a bully (how can I be both for god sake). 

Apparently I am an insecure, hypocrite, who is a skank, a bad role model for my f*cked up daughter, I am a liar, I am also a lard arse chav covered in spots, tattoos & going bald. I pretend to be a victim when actually I am a control freak bully who sponges of my mother and pretends to work for a living.

And this is only the recent stuff. 

Arguably the elephant in the room is this, why am I still reading this shit.  My only defensive such as it is, is I am masochistic (well I must be mustn’t I lol) The sensible side of my brain has told me time & time to stop as has my beautiful loving man, who thinks the world of me.  But like annoying scab that I want to get rid of I keep picking at it. 

I'm pretty sure it’s being done for attention, a chance to get a reaction, to make an impact on a life that isn't anything to do with them.  We've all been hurt in life we've all been trod on and made to look a fool, but I never did this to her, she spent months trying to get him back, emails, texts, letters, videos of herself.  All the while continually attacking me, attacking my children and trying to ruin 5 lives 3 of which are totally innocent.  Except apparently my daughter is alcoholic whore who needs help fast according to her.

I can only suppose that the fact this all failed has pushed her to go even further like planning to move closer to where we live.  I am genuinely frightened, this woman is nuts, has no concept of boundaries of what is appropriate, of letting go even.  She has an extremely over inflated opinion of herself and just cannot accept that I am loved, I am on the planet and that I could achieve even a modicum of success in my life and if I do it’s a total affront to her sensibilities and I should be chastised over it immediately.

No doubt this blog post will cause uproar again with emails flying this way and that, threats being made and accusations being hurled again.  But this is my life, this my blog and will post on it whatever I choose.  If people want to read it that’s fine I don't force them to, I don't mention names or give indications to anyone’s identities. 

It’s a story, an open letter, a parable, a diary entry and it makes no reference to anyone in particular. 

What is really important to you ?

I do understand for all of us this questions has a myriad of answers, answers probably as unique and individual as we are as people.  But I also think we can generalise a bit on this question too for instance.

Most of us that have children will want them to be happy.  But the degrees in what this entails varies, for parents of sick kids, all we want is for them to get better.  If we have a child who is getting bullied at school all we want is for that to stop.  If we have grown up children we want them to be happy in their lives and make good choices.  If we have babies we just want them to stop crying.

For those of us trying to succeed in life whether write that long buried book that is bursting to get out or that catchy tune that will be on every radio station and hummed on every ones lips or the next step on the rung of that extremely long career ladder, what is important is to get noticed, seen or heard.

Then there are those who's value they hold on things is monetary and power.  They see wealth as important and have a deep need to obtain money in whatever way they are able to.  They have a desire to control others and have materialistically all they can get.

Then there are those who are not happy with anything they have and that is what is important to them.  They covert others, in all ways. Simply they are not satisfied with the way their lives have turned out and will never take responsibility for that. They look at others and either critisize or pick on aspects of the other persons life to berate or compare with their own.  Finding fault in how they choose to live their life, jealous and resentful but hiding it behind a vale of contempt and self righteousness.  They choose to feel indignant when someone is doing better than them and spend their time finding ways to bring any other person down rather than looking inward and finding happiness within themselves.  These are the people I pity the most, because what is important to them is not how they can improve themselves or make others feel better, these people are the takers in life.  They are the ones who buy you a gift, then tell you how much it cost them, they want constant praise and flattery, to boost their fragile ego and this is because they have no depth of character of their own to draw from. These people who look at a pretty woman and say "well she's got a fat arse" or "she shouldn't be with him she's a slapper". These people who judge, demean, belittle and have a deep need to always be seen to be doing better than anyone else, lead horrible lives.  Lives lived by others standards because they can never be happy with the standards they set themselves as they can't stand it if they think someone is doing better than them.

People stop caring when you are a taker. When you are constantly wanting praise because you did something nice once and keep reminding everyone. They stop caring when you critise a person because you don't like the way they live their life or clothes they wear, or their makeup or their hairstyle, no one wants to know your opinion its boring and annoying. People stop caring when you are constantly bragging how something was bought for you or money was spent on you its not what is important in life and people truly stop caring when you constantly spend all your time trying to convince the world how stunningly beautiful and attractive you are. It shows how shallow you truly are when these things are certainly not what matters.

I accept I am not the most attractive woman on the planet, I do my hair in the morning, my makeup when I can be bothered, I could lose weight but I like food and I'm fairly healthy. I am nearly 40 I have had 3 babies who are all beautiful and I am just so proud of. I don't have a lot of money but I certainly love what I do for a living and that makes me happy.  I have a man by my side who never ever wants to leave, who I giggle with, who makes me happy and I make happy too, who knows me inside out and accepts all of me (warts and all) who still thinks I am sexy, even with my grey knickers on and who I think is gorgeous.

I have no need to look at others and feel intimidated or threatened by them, I have no need to think I am not good enough because all the facts say I am, I have no need to think bad of others.  But I will always feel the need to protect what I have, to defend it and to look after it because that is WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.