Its not me, its you....

The house is quiet, the washing & dishwasher are on and I am sat here looking through my photos when this over whelming urge to rant has come over me.  So sorry bloggerasphere as you are my ranting forum here goes.

Have you ever heard of the type of people that will push their thoughts, feelings and insecurities on to others so they don't have to actually accept them and deal with them themselves?  

I cannot stand it when people, who have no clue what my life is like or walk in my shoes, who quite frankly don't even know me, think they can pass judgement or make assumptions about me.  These people are of course oblivious to the obvious short comings of their own self’s and prefer rather than having to look at the harsh reality that is their failures in life, instead choose to find ways to poke holes in and criticise everybody else’s. Then on top of that try to make out that somehow it’s actually you doing the criticising and poking holes in to their lives.  Like somehow they are the victims and if only you would leave them alone it would be fine.

It seems that no matter what I post on Twitter someone will continually take it as a personal attack on themselves.  I mean how conceited can you be to assume my posting a picture of my kids or mentioning a day out planned is only to "hurt" and "aggrieved" another person who has nothing to do with my life.  How can someone who doesn't know me who hasn't ever been in my life continually accuse me of lying about the things that have happened to me.  To then take those same things and judge me as a failure as a person and as a mother because I allowed them to happen.  To then also accuse me of making my life in to a fairy tale of blissful happiness, to then attack my appearance, to call me names, to belittle my feelings and then to accuse me of playing victim and a bully (how can I be both for god sake). 

Apparently I am an insecure, hypocrite, who is a skank, a bad role model for my f*cked up daughter, I am a liar, I am also a lard arse chav covered in spots, tattoos & going bald. I pretend to be a victim when actually I am a control freak bully who sponges of my mother and pretends to work for a living.

And this is only the recent stuff. 

Arguably the elephant in the room is this, why am I still reading this shit.  My only defensive such as it is, is I am masochistic (well I must be mustn’t I lol) The sensible side of my brain has told me time & time to stop as has my beautiful loving man, who thinks the world of me.  But like annoying scab that I want to get rid of I keep picking at it. 

I'm pretty sure it’s being done for attention, a chance to get a reaction, to make an impact on a life that isn't anything to do with them.  We've all been hurt in life we've all been trod on and made to look a fool, but I never did this to her, she spent months trying to get him back, emails, texts, letters, videos of herself.  All the while continually attacking me, attacking my children and trying to ruin 5 lives 3 of which are totally innocent.  Except apparently my daughter is alcoholic whore who needs help fast according to her.

I can only suppose that the fact this all failed has pushed her to go even further like planning to move closer to where we live.  I am genuinely frightened, this woman is nuts, has no concept of boundaries of what is appropriate, of letting go even.  She has an extremely over inflated opinion of herself and just cannot accept that I am loved, I am on the planet and that I could achieve even a modicum of success in my life and if I do it’s a total affront to her sensibilities and I should be chastised over it immediately.

No doubt this blog post will cause uproar again with emails flying this way and that, threats being made and accusations being hurled again.  But this is my life, this my blog and will post on it whatever I choose.  If people want to read it that’s fine I don't force them to, I don't mention names or give indications to anyone’s identities. 

It’s a story, an open letter, a parable, a diary entry and it makes no reference to anyone in particular. 

Would you google a potential new boyfriend?

I've been mulling over in my mind how much easier the whole dating thing would be if we just databased every man on the planet and when you started going out with him you could just update the database putting in his status and what his pro and cons are and then if the relationship finished, you could just fill the bits that asked you his faults, and a short questionnaire on his rateablitly in cleanliness, consideration, caring behaviour and that sort of thing.  That way any potential new girlfriends can look him up and decided whether he is a good match for her. I'm convinced it would save alot of wasted time and effort and reduce the risk of heartbreak. Not sure if the blokes would be up for it though, getting stamped with a clean bill of health and a use by date might pee them off a bit.

Lately I have found myself craving very random things from laying out in a field with the sun on my face to a new very expensive handbag. My head seems to be this swirling mishmash of different thoughts and ideas. One minute I want to get back to nature let the children roam free and indulge their emotions and expressions the next I am demanding they eat at the table and are in bed by 7pm or else.  I am frightened with everything that is going on with the courts, frightened that I am not being a good enough mum and and I think this is part of the problem.  It seems peoples idea of parenting are so varied that for one person what is seen as healthy and enriching to another seems undisciplined and unruly. For instance take bouncing on the trampoline in their birthday suit.  For me, giving them some time in their lives where they are unrestricted by societies ideas and opinions and allowing them to feel the wind on their skin and the sun on their backs without the big "keep covered or else" is important, others may see that as me being irresponsible for so many different reasons and I can only give one reason for doing it, which is the great big happy smiles on their faces.  Then there is the telly on all the time. Yes the telly is on alot, its the first thing that gets done as they walk in from school but they don't just sit there staring at it.  Both the little ones are chatterboxes and always have loads to tell me when they get home, so they can't sit there staring at the box because I'm in the kitchen and the telly is not.  Many a time do I walk in to an empty lounge with the telly set at cartoon network with not a soul insight to watch it and believe me if you read my facebook status updates you'd know they aren't just sitting around watching telly.  So some of you may ask why do I let them keep it on and truthfully I'm not really sure why I do, but I know if they start playing up badly and I threaten to turn it off they soon start behaving themselves again.

Anyway the old man's saying of someones junk and someone elses treasure I think fits extremely aptly when it comes to parenting. So I suppose I have to put more faith in my abilities and hope that the kids happiness shines through as a beaken to dispel any reservations any governing body might have over the kids welfare.