The trouble with childminders.......

   Ok its been a while since I have posted and I have my excuses which I won't bore you with except maybe the one that I've just been too darn lazy to think.  This morning though I have woken having had a pretty much undisturbed night of sleep and suddenly the urge to reach out has hit me hard.

So lets start at the beginning, I have been offered a job "whoa, yeah, haz-zarh" yes its great, yes confidence has been restored somewhat and yes I am pleased but (and it's a big one) I am not that overly happy with it all.  I know big sighs of "what is wrong with you woman" maybe issuing from your mouths now and if I was reading this it would be from mine.  The thing is though, firstly it isn't the most exciting job in the world from what they have told me, the pay is average to say the least and the career prospects are almost Zelige.

Do I really want to be working in a dead-end job for effectively the same money as I am on now (when you take into account the travelling) 40 hours a week to practically not see the kids all week and then possibly have to share weekends with you-know-who.

On top of this I have ended up having massive child care issues.  This started at the beginning of term when the first week in before I had even been offered the job my what I thought was sorted childcare arrangements for going back to college came crashing down my ears. The lovely lady that has been looking after Ninja for me after school on the college day for the last 2 years roughly and who was now going to take Humf as well before and after school nursery, informed me that she wouldn't be able to have them as she had been offered a full time child and that she couldn't turn down the money.  Fair enough as desperately inconvenient that was for me, I couldn't blame her.  Lots of apologies ensued and a promise to help me find someone else.

She gave me the name of another childminder and off I trotted with the kids to meet her.  All seemed fine at first, she was able to cover the Thursday for college and she even suggested that she would have Humf for the 2 days he wasn't attending school nursery. I get offered the job that night and suddenly I need her to do full time for both the boys.  Again this didn't seem to be a problem, until she'd slept on it.  I suppose you could say it was my own fault for over-sharing, or for assuming that all people have an open heart and mind but I had told her what has been going on in my life and that obviously it may have effected the children in someways ( just to prove this point Ninja had drawn a picture of people shooting each other and dying, at her house).  I suppose having discussed what I had told her with probably everyone, most people had told her to stay clear of me and my kids.  Strangely of all the things that have happened so far, her reaction has hurt the most. 

My kids are wonderful and I am a good mum, what has happened to me isn't my fault, but the fact that this woman didn't want to get involved with me makes me feel like it is.  I didn't ask for what I am going through and I am trying my hardest to make things right and normal for my kids.  To be judged as "not the right sort of person" because my husband got arrested, my kids have been through hell and we might be left with a few scars from it makes me very angry and has also made me doubt myself.  In her apologies over the phone to me at letting me down she kept repeating that she "had to think of the other children" and that "it might not be fair to the other parents" seriously what the hell did she think my children are capable of !!

Suffice it to say between her "discussing" me and my kids with another childminder and also the shortage of places I have been left with the only option of sending Humf full-time to private nursery and Ninja to the breakfast and after school club.  Its the most expensive option, its the least loving option but its the only option I have.

So with all this sitting in the back of my mind you can maybe understand a bit more why I am not so keen to start this job. If on the other hand I am offered one of the jobs I went to interview for on Friday all this stress might be worth it, but I'll tell you more about that another time.

 

A personal post

I'm never sure whether its a good idea to pour your heart out in a blog post. Its not something I do on a regular basis but my head feels so full of inky black gunkness that I kind of just want to get it out.

So job hunting while going through a very messy break up is probably not the best thing for ones ego.  While I admit it hasn't been a total disaster and I have in fact turned 2 jobs away for being unsuitable its still rocks your self-confidence quite a bit. It drives me mad that I am applying for jobs that I know I am more than capable of handling and my CV gets written off without a by nor leave often with the comment "your skill set doesn't meet with our clients requirements" ggrrhh they want some to post invoices and check balances, I can do that with my eyes shut, how can my skills not match !! and then if I go for a job in a more "senior" role I just feel like I am trying my luck and everyone is going to laugh at me.

For instance a job came up in the town where we live and I must have applied for it 4-5 times through different websites.  Each time I wrote a covering letter and by the 5th attempt I was practically begging them to see me.  No response !!! In the end I decided to go pay the company in question a visit and hand my CV personally over to the man in charge of finance.  Great, got there, met him, he looked over my CV said he had remembered it but had just assumed that the money he was offering wasn't going to be enough compared to my "London" wages and that I was way over qualified anyway.  Even though I had all the skills he needed, lived a mile from the place of work and had practically begged to be seen, he had still decide there was no point even meeting me.  Faced with that kind of resistance how the heck am I ever going to get a job. Gggrrh

I don't know yet but can you tell I am finding the whole job hunting thing a tinsy-winsy bit frustrating.

The kids being off school "bless them" isn't exactly helping either.  They are so bored, its at times like these I understand why American kids go off to summer camp. I don't remember summer holidays being this hard when Mooki was little. Somehow we just managed to get through them without to much hassle  With the boys on the other hand its a completely different thing.  Not only are they physically more active than their "don't touch me, I'm sleeping" sister they also want me to join in with every possible game they can think of.  I end up feeling like one of those "grumpy old women" off the telly who goes around with a permanent scowl on her face and a don't come near me or I'll poke you with my walking stick attitude (Oooo there is something to look forward to getting old for).

Then of course there is the sincere and distinct lack of funds to content with.  I know everyone is in the same boat and we are all having to make the best of it, I just don't like it..!! Took the elder two to see Spy Kids 4D  on Friday a nice little daytime trip to the cinema without the littlest one driving us all bonkers running around the cinema. £50 that cost for the 3 of us, £50 !! When I was younger going to the cinema was something you could do with some pocket money, now I have to think about the long term strategy of film to interest ratio an whether its really worth seeing it on the big screen as it will be out on DVD by Christmas anyway. Was a bit underwhelmed by the whole 4D experience as well, the smell bits of the scratch card all smelt the same RIP OFF lol

The Interview.....

So last Friday I finally got to go for the interview I had been waiting for 2 weeks for.  Job hunting like on line dating and rightmove feel just like an extension of shopping to me.  Maybe I am a bit weird but I like doing it.  It has the same thrill of the chase as ploughing through the bargain bucket in tescos searching for hidden gems and the same high of excitement when you spot something with good potential and you snatch it up before anyone else can.  Alright its not exactly like that because ultimately you can't go for the 50k a year job with a CV that says stay at home mum for the last 4 years but you know what I mean.

I had left my search criteria quite open in the fact I wasn't too specific on role, distance or wage package and this allowed me to trawl through about 150 jobs on the Reed Accountancy website.  I beefed up my CV with my newly acquired qualifications and set about registering myself once again.  Alot of the jobs advertised on these sites seemed to be posted through recruitment agencies and while I know that there is slim chance that the jobs they are advertising actually exists I still set about writing polite covering letters and sending off my CV.

To my surprise I got 2 responses back, which in this day and age is a bit of a miracle, one was from an agency wanting to get me on their books. Fine who knows something might come of it. The other was from an agency phoning me to tell me their client wanted to see me..! Really ! Crap I have nothing to wear.  "The company are holding 4 interviews next Wednesday you need to be there at 4" Really ! Crap again. I can't make next Wednesday as the car is being serviced and MOT'd and I have no transportation.  "Oh" says the lady from the agency, "i'll have to let me client know you can't make it and I will call you back" well I was pretty convinced they were just going to say, never mind will see so and so instead as they will probably be able to make it. But miracle no 2 happened and she called me back to say they would see me on the Friday instead and could I make it for 10am.  I nearly kissed the receiver, of course Jessica no problems, yes send me the details by email, I'll be there with bells on.

So I spent the next week and a bit determined to find something in my wardrobe that was suitable and would mean me not having to spend any money and getting lectured on interview techniques by the 13 year old (they'd just done this as a topic in PSHE and she was full of tips and bright ideas, firm handshake, smile alot and remember to make a good impression within the first 30 seconds otherwise you just may as well give up).

The big day arrived and to say I was nervous was an understatement, I was sweating just standing in my bra and pants trying to do my hair and every time I put any make up on my face it just melted right back off again.  I chain smoked two cigarettes on the way to their office and then berated myself for going in there stinking of fags (so off putting don't you think).  Gave my firm but not to firm handshake and smiled my brightest smile possible.  The first thing the guy said to me was "don't worry we're not going to eat you" to which I replied "it would be a bloody hard job if you tried" hhmmm not a particularly good start I feel.  I then spent the next half an hour trying to explain why I wanted to leave this fantastically convenient and well paid job of mine to end up working full time with out so much more money.  When directly asked "are you only applying for jobs so that you can get out of the house for a bit?" I infactically answered yes but realised quite quickly that this was probably the wrong answer and made short sharp work of taking my foot out of my mouth and returning my brain to my empty bimbo head. They seemed nice enough people and also a worthy company to work for but his parting words to me as I was heading out the front door where "we had many many high calibre applicants the fact you have been able to get an interview was a good achievement" Brush off words if ever I heard them, oh well applied for another 15 today so keep your fingers crossed for me ..:0)