September school blues

AAAAAHHHH frustrated...

How are you guys?  I know its been awhile since I have blogged again, my work rate is, how shall we put it "inconstant"? at the best of times.  But I am here now ready to vent, I mean discuss various topics in a sensible manner.

So they've been back at school a month. Biggest has started her A-levels which she is enjoying, I think being able to concentrate on the fewer subjects and they also being ones she really enjoys has focused her mind and she seems to have settled in well.  Middle one is the last year to have been moved to the middle school. Which much to most of the locals are disgusted is being closed down in favour of the two tier system rather than the three tier system we currently have.

He's finding middle school holds all the challenges you'd expect.  The building is alot larger, there are more teachers and the homework is alot harder.  While he is still up for the challenge, he is finding it a challenge though his peers seem not to have noticed, having voted him to be class Representative for the school council and generally being seen as a good friend and nice person.  He lets off the pressure at bit at home, which is fine, but sometimes getting snapped at by my usually placid child takes me by surprise.

Little bit on the other hand is a law unto himself.  He just doesn't like being told what to do, following rules or generally being bossed around.  Which at school you are gonna get from time to time..

He hasn't quite figured it out yet if you bend to the system the system will bend to you.  Tonight I am going in to see his teacher for the 2nd time in as many weeks if only to plead my case on what the heck am I suppose to do with him?  He's a sweet boy, with a big heart and inquisitive mind who just has a very strong opinion of himself.  He wants to have friends, be social and enjoy life,  but he finds things so frustrating when they don't go the way he thinks they ought to,  He struggles with a few social concepts not understanding what others might be thinking and also while he tries his hardest to empathise with his peers, sometimes he just "doesn't get it" and this frustrates him further.

He doesn't like to push himself preferring to step back and allow others to show him when he and they both know he is capable of whatever it is he wants to achieve.  He lacks confidence in his abilities so tends to hide behind people letting them shine while keeping himself to himself.

He's so able, soaking in knowledge all the time and having a far greater understanding for what is going on around him but refusing to show it, almost as if he knows if he allows people to see what he is capable of then they will expect that from him more and he just doesn't want to give it.

How frustrating, he's intelligent, bright, engaged, loving and generous of spirit but doesn't want anyone to know that about him. What do I do with that, how do I make him see that allowing people to see him for himself doesn't mean he'll be stuck doing things he doesn't want to do. How do you explain that to a 6 year old who spends his life thinking everyone is just trying to boss him around for the sake of it.

AAGGGHHAAAGGHH

Keep your fingers crossed for me his teacher has some thoughts because I am at a loss.

Do you baby your youngest child ? Dealing with a bright child..

I made an appointment to go and see the youngest ones teacher this week.  Not so much to have a moan but more to get the opinion of someone who interacts with my son on a daily basis who might not have such rose tinted glasses as mine are.

What she had to say while sort of helpful didn't really hit the nail on the head for me as much as I would have liked.  Basically she said he was a well behaved child in school who pretty much did as he was told, didn't moan alto, is able to concentrate and is a bright kid.  All pretty positive so I asked her to try to think of a reason why he insists he doesn't want to come to school.

She suggested that it might be a maturity issue, which when I got home gave me serious food for thought. Do I baby him?  As my youngest child I am aware of the fact that I am trying to hold on to the little boy as much as possible.  With no plans to have anymore he is my baby.  But am I holding him back because of it?

He's a very bright kid, its regularly commented on by friends and relatives how bright he actually is, which his reasoning and reading ability does suggest.  He's also quite highly strung with a tendency to get frustrated very quickly if he feels his opinions or voice isn't heard or understood the way he feels it should be. This means that many a time I am sitting with him trying to explain to him an idea or a decision while he is trying to argue the point from his perspective.  This can become incredibly futile with no positive outcome and so more often than I probably should I coincide to his point of view and we end up doing things his way. Is that babying him?

Its almost as if he sees the regular jobs, ie dressing yourself, brushing your own teeth, putting your own shoes on, as far to mundane and time consuming and that instead he would rather fill his time up with the more interesting experiences of playing his computer games, reading his books, or playing with his kitten. It feels to me like he just doesn't see the point of it all, like life is too short to be worrying whether you've washed behind your ears, and as much as we the parents try to explain the whys and what fores of the importance of getting dressed quickly, leaving for school on time or not stopping every 5 minutes on the walk to school to look at the flowers, its like he just doesn't get it.

Don't get me wrong, he always wants to help cook dinner, he can see the point in that.  He keeps his room tidy, he sees the point in that.  He cares and looks after the animals in the house as best he can, he can see the point in that also, but he just doesn't see the point in school. He's totally convinced he knows everything he needs to know so doesn't see why he has to attend.  He's happy playing by himself doing his own thing so the whole friends thing doesn't bother him, he'd rather be playing with kids older than himself anyway and the structure of the school day just fills him with foreboding.

Its hard everyday trying to explain why he needs to do something that goes against every fibre of his being, that he just sees as pointless and futile all the while knowing that he is a bright kid who probably does get a bit bored at school, that is slightly socially awkward because his brain works at 15 times the pace of everyone else.  I don't think I baby him, I think I handle and understand him better than they do at school and I think that is the reason he struggles so much.

At home I can calm him when he's frustrated, I listen to his points of view and while at times I do get frustrated with his stubbornness I can also work around it to get to a point we are both happy with.  I just don't think they get that about him, I also think he bottles up all frustrations through out the day and then at home time just explodes with the of ideas, points and valuable arguments that he is unable to discuss at school, which sometimes makes me feel like I should have left him there for them to deal with.

I am hoping that the current bribe for a reward at the end of the week if he goes in everyday without fuss will have given him a routine he can get his head around.  For while I understand that in society we have rules and we all must conform to some degree. I, in no way wish for his indomitable spirit of free thinking, independence and thirst for gaining new ground for himself to be in anyway crushed.

I am not babying him I am allowing him to express who he is as a person and let his mind reach all the conclusions and evaluate all of the issues it wants to while I take care of his bottom wiping...

"Your name's not down, you're not coming in"

Was very excited earlier this week when Ninja come out from school with a little note saying he was going to given a commendation at the school assembly on Friday. Proud mummy moment and Ninja was really chuffed.

Now at any given point in the school year the school has no qualms to ask parents to provide money, materials or blood in order to improve the school or raise some money for something important. I do my best to oblige to their constant demands and would hope I could be considered a supportive parent in my child's education and school. I also understand the need for rules and regulations to maintain peace and harmony for the children.

But my younger son has been banned from the commendations assembly (school regularly refuses to allow preschool children in to spectate things) which normally wouldn't be a problem he is at nursery most days and so would be with carers. Unfortunately he's not been well this week and so nursery are refusing to have him back till he's 48 hours clear of sickness. So no nursery this Friday. I have no other childcare as I live away from family and all my friends are connected with school and will either be there themselves or working.

So for that reason l will take the withering looks from non rule breaking parents, I'll accept their tuts of annoyance, I will even be gracious and apologetic but I will not miss this assembly. I may have to gag little one with very chewing sticky sweets to keep him quiet and lots of chocolate but I am not going to miss this assembly. They will have to evict me forcibly from the premises to get me to leave. For if I don't attend I will be letting down one of the most important people in the universe and that aint going to happen !!

So wish me luck with the assembly police tomorrow !!

Whose feeling whose feet right now !!

As the end of the holidays approach and I have to mentally prepare myself for the onslaught on a new school year, I thought I'd take some time to reflect on the changes that have taken place in this "mad" house over the summer. The boys have started fighting, something that hadn't happened before. Whether it had been the fact the Humf had been too young or the fact that Ninja wasn't really effected by what he was doing I don't know. But they are at it far to often for my liking. It leaves me feeling rather powerless as while my instincts go to protect the littlest one, my head knows darn well sometimes he really deserves it. When daddy is home the issues seem to melt away to a large extent. It really is an alpha male situation, crazy that we fundamentally still rely on basic natures and its never more apparent than in two brothers fighting for dominance. I am assuming with the impending school return, Ninja will be expending so much energy dealing with the outside world that his focus will be transferred from his baby brother. In the meantime Humf is constantly setting to challenge his older brother in every which way he can. Don't get me wrong their love for each other is just as apparent they miss each other terribly and wouldn't want to be parted in anyway. Ninja is incredibly caring and attentive to his baby brother, he's also extremely proud of him, introducing him to everyone he meets and involving him in games. Humf worships the ground his brother walks on, there isn't a time place or action that he doesn't want to follow his big brother in to doing. He looks on at him for guidance and inspiration (not always a positive thing I tell you). In this way I feel so lucky and it gives me faith that they will be good friends when they get older. So yes they may be feeling their feet alittle to much but they are to doing it with the safest people they can, their family.

Totally unprepared for summer

How did that happen, one minute I was buying his first pair of school shoes and panicking that he would never settle in, the next we here and his first year at "Big" school is finished. Have I really been asleep for an entire year. Oh well we're here now so must deal with current situation. AAAhhh, you know when I thought now would be a good time to go back to work because he'd started school. Well that panned out well and we certainly needed the extra money but what am I suppose to do with him now. Nursery stays open so that's fine for little one, but 5 and I'm bored just aint gonna hack 6 weeks cooped up in 240sq feet of office everyday. Sheeet ! When I lived in London and I had this same predicament with my eldest (who will no doubt be entertaining herself over the summer head buried in pc) we had day camps. They do have them up here but they are like a 40 minute journey away which kind of defeats the object a bit and they are bloody expensive. Now you may feel that I should have been alot more organised and sorted this all out sooner, well its not like I didn't know it was coming. I honestly have tried (alittle) but they defiantly seems to be a severe lack on holiday entertainment around here for school children and baring in mind we hold the local primary and middle school in the town and therefore have at least 1000 children attending school here, it seems someone is missing an opportunity. If only I was more enterprising. !!!

School's not boring its sweaty

Was my sons reply this morning when his sister posed the question of "are you looking forward to going back to school?". I was slightly taken aback by this but he then went on to explain that sitting around the classroom waiting to go on to the next activity made him feel hot. Being an extremely active child I suppose the effort of sitting still for any period of time would be an exertion for him thus making him hot. Strange but in a way makes perfect sense. I was pleasantly surprised by my organisational skills this morning for the first day back for all us students (myself included) after the half term break. Uniform was ironed (see miracles do happen) lunch money available and most importantly homework was done and alphabet was learnt. We spent almost all of Sunday morning going through the Alphabet song to help little one grasp it, with the promise of shopping for new toy as reward for getting it right. He worked so hard and kept practising it was a joy to behold when he went through the song without forgetting a single letter. While some may say that we bribed him to learn it with the promise of the toy or that we shouldn't buy him things just for doing alittle bit of learning. I disagree, his pride at finally being able to do it was not diminished by the fact we'd promised him a reward he was still as over the moon. But it did give him the incentive to work hard at it in the first place and I defy anyone who suggested human beings didn't work better when they knew there would be reward for their endeavours.