Sideways doesn't really work for me

I am in constant blissful ignorance of how fat I have become until I turn sideways. What happen to the washboard figure of yest er year is there any real point me living in the fantasy world that one day once again I will no longer be deeper than I am wider. I think I need to go back to looking at me, head on then I will be spending far to much time cringing at the state of my hair, skin and bags under my eyes that I don't have to worry about how rotund I am. On a bizarre note, experienced a very surreal grocery shopping trip today not only did I see many thigh length booted clad women (In Asda !!) on a Sunday, do they have no decorem ?? L0l but I saw my first aisle of Easter Eggs...Now I maybe being alittle churlish but ISN'T it abit bloody early !! We haven't even got passed Valentines Day, Mothering Sunday and most importantly MY Birthday ! at this rate I shall be receiving unwanted piles of chocolate for presents. I am still detoxing from the Christmas deluge of massive amounts of gooey goodness. Surely when everyone is harping on so alarmingly about the need for us to eat more healthy putting Easter Eggs in full view of sugar nutted children from JAN 30th should be banned. Its online shopping from now on until after Easter otherwise my kids will end up turning into Augustus Gloop.

Miracles do happen !!

Wow I am so proud of my children this morning. Ok the night with the baby was appalling and we were three up in a single bed. But eventually at some point at silly o'clock baby finally settled enough for me to put him back in his cot. As soon as I got out of the bed, middle one scooted up to the top head on pillow and splayed himself out totally. Right, clearly I am not welcome back in there with you so I'll go back to my own bed.!! Felt like approximately 30 seconds later and a little voice was whispering in my ear "Mum Mum I'm hungry" "Sleeping" was the only response I could muster. Then next thing I know baby is bonking me on the head with a hard plastic toy...!! "How did you get out of bed??" Grumpy voice calls from the boys room "I got him out, I have been looking after them for the last 2 hours" its no 1 child. I look at the time its 8.45am I've had a LAY IN and all thanks to my wonderful daughter...Hmm how much is this gonna cost me ?? And the bliss continued as I watched them finish their breakfasts and all pick up their respective bowls and drink the milk out of them in unison. Alas the arguments have already started, the crying commences, the baby is demanding his morning cuppa and I must finish blogging !!

Wow I'm tired

Up last night at various points thanks to baby's temperature being in the scary highs again. I live in the knowledge that when he is older his constitution will be strong as an oxo as he would have already had every cold and flu virus going !! He's not a quiet ill baby either he likes to make sure everyone is very well aware that he is not feeling well and that everyone else should suffer with him. I am sympathetic but it is very draining and sometimes it takes all my motherly will power not to tell him "its only a bloody cold". To top off my restless night with him, I receive an email from my Dad, no less, recommending me to read a book called "how to lose the fat around your middle" I am mortified not only am I not on any sort of particular diet unless you count diet pepsi and chocolate all day but I hadn't even vaguely mentioned to him that I was unhappy with the way I currently look. What a bloody cheek !! I will have a few choice words to say to him next time I see him I can tell you. To be honest I have totally given up on the idea of regaining any sort of figure since the face has gone so down hill I can't see the point...You may have the body of the green goddess but it your face looks like its been hit by a bus you just might as well stay indoors..behind the pc..!! Hhhmmm now you know why I am here !! LOL

Onion Bahji Breath and Aftershave

Its not good when you can still taste last nights takeaway when you are brushing your teeth in the morning..It makes me wonder did I just miss that last little bit of food in last nights brushing or has the food just been sitting and churning in my stomach all night long and if that's the case will I be able to digest it now..!! 10pm takeaways are for the young and reckless not middle aged with a ulcer already brewing. Even my jam on toast this morning still has a bhaji tint to it. Someone please explain to me also a woman/teenage girl desire to smell like a man..!! Why is it that a woman finds it perfectly acceptable to liberally spray herself with whatever latest aftershave she likes for the man in her life whereas if he was to do the same with her perfume everyone would think he was weird. I am ranting on this because I found it slightly disconcerting as I watched my daughter nick her fathers eau de cologne that I carefully chose for him this Christmas (a very nice and I must say manly CK number) and spray herself. The musky and sexy scent floated all over me and I breathed in deeply with my senses taking me back to kissing his neck and holding him close except it wasn't him that was standing close by ready for me to grab it was said daughter...This fact left me feeling a little crestfallen and I had a go at her for using Dads aftershave... Her response "But mum it smells so lovely" IS NOTHING BLOODY SACRED !!!

My life is saved by a bar of Aero

Having started this morning in one of those particularly bad ways ie rising and shining at 7.45am when we needed to be out the house at 8am. I didn't think anyone could be having a worse day than me. I was wrong..!!! I have managed to arrive at work 10 minutes before my meeting with the British Gas man, thats with Paul driving at 300 hundred miles an hour and unceremoniously dumping my boys on my sister for the day...Dummies in the changing bag love you kids bye !!! Sausage sandwich for breakfast and God Damn it no tea !!. Anyway enter very nice man from the Gas board. Hello Mrs Hill we would like to save you money on your electricity bill...Thank you very much. 15 minutes going through the motions and I agree with him yes you can save me money where do I sign !!!. I am greeted with a big beaming smile and a look of thank f**k for the that look in his eye. Do you know when your contract will be up for renewal...No British gas man there is no contract lets just sign the dotted line..Phone EDF yes Mrs Hill you ARE under contract until March 2011!! sorry did I just hear that right till 2011 how the hell did that happen. Turn to Mr British Gas sorry under contract till 2011 the look of disbelief on his face nearly broke my heart..what so you under contract till March this year..no until march NEXT year what June this year NO MARCH NEXT YEAR..Oh..! The poor man, I saw the promise of a romantic valentines night with his wife on the commission from me slip slowly through his fingers...!!! There was nothing left for us to do but to shake hands and promise to meet up next Jan do this all again..!! And to top it off He left his mobile phone here !! He despondently walked out the door and I have since polished off an entire guilt ridden bar of Aero...!! Glad I am not having his day :-(

OK Feel Bad Now

Sheesh I knew there was something i kept forgetting to do !!!!. Hello Blogging World sorry for my inexplicable absensce I think I was transported off by aliens..I will explain another time with another post I think..Christmas was fabish..what with 84 year old Grandma's opinions on my child rearing techniques and long lost friends coming to visit..(career woman no children and perfectly groomed hair). Spiritual and peaceful it was not. The kids thought it was all hiliarous to just keep throwing wrapping paper all over the living room ALL DAY !!! and totally ignore all of Father Christmas's well thoughtout and inspirational gifts much to my heart sinking misery. I believe there are still unopened gifts in their bedrooms that I shall be rewrapping next year and giving to them again on the off chance they might actually be interested in them. The New Year has started fantastically busy as to expected and I am still loving college. I have even managed to impress the tutor with a google app on my iphone though I did get several filthy looks of "teachers pet" from my fellow students while I was doing it..Clearly they were just peeved that I had found out the tax codes for 2010/11 so quickly and they still had to do it for homework.

Will post far more regularly from now on !!!